Voices

Explanation

Monday January 21st, 3:27 PM

Wall, thoughts, fear, guilt, headphones.

School got out a while ago. Half of the people are gone, but it's still loud as Hell. I'm leaning against the wall, waiting for Maddy to come out.

Damn, how am I supposed to explain that I almost shot her in a dream. She's going to hate me.

My thoughts are interrupted when my phone starts to ring. It's Maddy. I answer.

"Hey Maddy," keeping my voice steady.

"Hi love. Where are you?"

"Walk outside the front. I'll meet you by the doors."

"Alright, I'll be there in three minutes, bye."

"Bye," I immediately hang up. I'm so screwed.

She comes outside and we move to the back of the school where it's much quieter. 

"Will you explain now," she gently asks.

I go onto explain the entire dream: me begging her to run, her running, and shooting myself in the head to prevent shooting her. She's silent throughout the whole story. Her face is a steady even as she's processing the story. I'm worried she'll freak out and call the cops. 

She releases a sigh before talking quietly, a hint of sadness in her voice, "It's happening again, isn't it?"

I silently nod my head. I've been hiding my depression for years, and no one seemed to notice something was off. Maddy was the only person to see through my mask and see all of my pain, sadness, and flaws and still accept me as if I was a normal person. That's how we fell in love. The kind, caring, loving liar falls for the perfect girl. Hah, what a joke.

She comes closer to me and holds me, "Hey, we're going to get through this. Okay?"

I just drop my head, refusing to look at her, "Just stay away from me. I don't want to hurt you." My voice starts to break as tears start to form. "Just go."

My voice is now completely broken from crying. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." We stood there for, embracing each other, until I regained my composure. 

"You call me when you feel down again, alright," Her eyes pleading for me to let her in. I relented.

My voice has recovered and I slipped under my mask again. "Yea, I will." We hug one last time before we part ways to head back home.

I just hope I can survive for that long.