Someone So Perfect (JeffMads)

Someone Loved

[Should he be forgiven?]

James had managed to finish the soup from Jefferson, but now he had to return the empty bowl. The feeling of dread increased with every step he took towards Jefferson's office. He gripped the cold doorknob and readied himself, closing his eyes and wanting to get in and out as fast as possible. However the door was opened and James fell forward, his eyes opening in surprise. Jefferson quickly caught him in his arms. "James? What are you doing here?" His voice sounded weak.

"I'm just here to return your soup bowl." James untangled himself from Jefferson's arms, pushing him away and holding the bowl out to him.

"Oh? You actually ate it!" Jefferson took the bowl and peered into it to confirm. Not a single drop of soup had been left behind.

"I was famished." With that, James turned to go back to his office.

"Not even a thank you, huh?" Jefferson said under his breath, barely audible to James.

"Excuse me?" James turned around and crossed his arms.

"I thought you at least have the courtesy to say thank you."

"Thank you. Happy?" James said sarcastically, venom dripping in his words.

"James, this is unlike you. Did I really hurt you that much?"

"Leave me alone."

Jefferson wasn't having any of it. He quickly placed the bowl down on his desk and ran out to grab James' hand before James even had a chance to leave. "I thought you would have been over this by now."

"You and I have a very different definition of recovery." James shook his head. "Do you honestly think I could really 'get over' something like this so quickly?"

"Yes! Yes I do!"

"Why do you think that?!"

"I know you're stronger than this, James!"

"Stronger in what way?"

"Emotionally! You handle yourself so well, I'm just so, so weak...I couldn't go another day without you by my side. I've always relied on you for support, you know that right?" Jefferson pleaded.

"Relying on me for support? You're insane." James tugged back his hand from Jefferson's grip, glaring up at him.

"I can't deal with this, you're the only thing I really care about anymore."

"You've always got your little mockingbird. You don't need me."

"James, don't be like this."

"I thought I already said my goodbyes. I'm not taking that back."

Jefferson fell to his knees on the ground, a broken man. James almost felt sorry for him. Almost. "It's not like I'm going to completely cease all contact with you, Jefferson. Just that I said my goodbyes to Thomas." He frowned, getting down on one knee to be level with Jefferson. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the pocket watch. "You see this? This is the pocket watch of Thomas. Not Jefferson. Never Jefferson."

"What's the difference? Thomas and Jefferson make the same pathetic man anyway." He buried his face in his hands.

"Thomas is the one I love. My complete opposite. My better half."

"And Jefferson?"

James paused. He looked off to the side in silence. Jefferson slowly stood up with James following suit. They stared at each other for a while. James turned and began to walk away. Jefferson ran up behind James and wrapped his arms around him in a one-sided hug. James remained stone-faced, allowing the action. "And Jefferson is just like me. A spineless, emotional runt that can't handle lack of human interaction. Yet he pushes everyone away." He stated coldly, turning his head to the tall window as raindrops began falling.

"That's not you."

"It definitely is."

"You're hating yourself again."

"That would mean I'm hating you too. But then it would also mean I care for you."

"But you're not forgiving me."

"I'm not forgiving Jefferson, remember?" James finally gave a half-smile, which Jefferson noticed quickly.

"You're smiling."

"I'm not."

"Don't lie to me. I thought you hated lies." Jefferson hugged James closer, which James welcomed.

"And I do." James coughed, turning himself around for a proper hug. "Are you Thomas? Or Jefferson?"

"Who am I to you?"

"Well, who do you want to be? Someone loved or someone hated?"

No reply was made. Instead, James was greeted with a gentle kiss. Not sure if he wanted to forgive the other man or not, James cut the moment short. There was no telling what James had decided when he slowly walked back to his office.