Someone So Perfect (JeffMads)

Not That Special

After yesterday's breakdown, James had tried to calm himself down by sitting at his desk and writing. Writing anything that came to mind. Trying to ignore everything else. He gripped the quill tight, almost snapping it in half when there was a knock at the door. "James, you can't stay in your office all day. Let me have the opportunity to make it up to you at least."

"I can and I will." James flatly replied, laying his quill down and looking at his pile of filled up pages.

"Will a walk through the gardens and chamomile tea make it up to you?" Jefferson had hope in his voice. Too much hope for James' liking.

"You know it'll take a lot more than that." He stood up, slowly walking to the door.

"Of course it will! One step at a time, James." James opened the door to find a smiling Jefferson with his hands behind his back. "And I even got you a bouquet." Jefferson held out a big bunch of daffodils. James' favourite flower.

"You remembered." He begrudgingly took it with a half-genuine smile.

"How long have we been partners and friends?" Jefferson placed a hand on James' shoulder, which was quickly brushed off.

"I'm surprised you'd remember such a mundane thing, honestly." James huffed.

"Shall we go to the gardens now?"

"Perhaps we shall." The answer was unenthusiastic, empty. Jefferson cleared his throat nervously, slowly walking beside James.

The silence was unbearable. Jefferson decided to try and make some kind of conversation. "So, about our first meeting. You mentioned my smile in your letter."

"Yes. I'll admit, your smile's rather nice." James stared at the ground in front of him. "But all I see now is a cunning, manipulative grin." He said quietly, taking out a daffodil from the bouquet and throwing it behind him.

Jefferson tensed up, looking down at James with a nervous smile. "I assure you, I'm anything but cunning. And certainly nowhere near manipulative!" He cautiously placed a hand on James' shoulder and turned him around so they faced each other. "Do you really think I only ever approached you that first meeting just so I could manipulate you?" Jefferson searched James' eyes for that man he had fallen for that day. Hoping that warm, genuine smile would appear and laugh like he had played some sort of elaborate joke. James harshly brushed Jefferson's hand off, turning to continue walking. Hesitating in his answer.

"It's a possibility." Not a warm and genuine smile, but a cold and unfeeling one.

~~~~~

"Hey, remember all those times I had to bring food and blankets to your office when you were feeling particularly sick? You always commented on how I always brought soup and nothing else. It was amusing how you seemed to want to refuse my hospitality, but ultimately gave in...where are those nice moments now, James?" Jefferson reminisced as he trailed behind James on the garden path.

"I always snuggled up against you since you were incredibly warm. Like a fireplace. And I suppose the soup was really nice." James mused, taking out two more delicate daffodils from the bouquet and staring down at them. "Though, being anywhere near you...all I can feel is an unbearable heat that I can't breathe through. And the soup now leaves a bitter aftertaste, not too far from medicine. Medicine made wth no love behind it, but an empty machine with no emotion." He dropped the daffodils and stepped on them, crushing one of them until the petals were folded and crooked beyond belief. Jefferson sighed, picking up the other untouched daffodil.

"You haven't been as sick lately, I've noticed. It seems all those nights I've taken care of you have paid off." Jefferson plucked off a petal. He loves me.

"'All those nights' were long ago, Jefferson. You knew damn well I wasn't getting any better under your care. You only stayed just to spite me, mocking me, reminding me countless times I could never get better."

"James, that's not true. You know that." Another petal plucked. He loves me not.

"I'm doing far better on my own anyway." James looked up at the cloudy sky.

"If you'd be doing so well on your own, then why don't we just go back in time and see how you fare without all the times I've been there? All those coughing fits! Would you be able to reach your medicine then?" Jefferson snapped, ripping out another petal. He loves me.

James' shoulders slumped and he walked just a little slower. "You know as well as I do that you would never leave me to my fits."

"Shall we put a wager on it?" Jefferson taunted, taking another petal out. He loves me not.

"You wouldn't dare. Even you aren't heartless enough for that." James clenched the bouquet tightly, though a few daffodils fell out just like his emotions were falling apart.

"Though in your eyes I certainly am. I most certainly will leave you next time." Jefferson hissed back, walking up beside James and plucking another petal out. He loves me.

"That is exactly the kind of behaviour I expect from you at this point. You're so childish." James shot a glare up at Jefferson, crossing his arms. "On second thoughts, I had quite a bit of work to do before you interrupted me. So if you'll excuse me..." He turned to walk back to the building, shoving Jefferson aside.

"Don't come crying back to me when you can't reach your medicine cabinet." Jefferson muttered, throwing the daffodil aside. The last petal fell. He loves me not.