Lauren Jauregui Imagines

Too Heavy And Too Deep

A/N: BE WARNED THIS HAS TRIGGERING CONTENT! IF YOU ARE AFRAID YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED PLEASE READ SOMETHING ELSE!

Your POV
I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it get to me again, that I'd be calm and collected about it and move on as soon as it was brought up, but I can't do that.

If I'd have known that standing up for yourself meant you got called an attention seeking whore, I'd wouldn't have done it. Then it's the words that stick. Every. Single. One.

"Whore, slut, bitch, worthless, pathetic, ugly, distasteful, waste of space, retard, useless...." the list goes on. Being told to die, to kill myself, to cut myself, to starve myself to become less fat....... I did all but two..... I tried the first.

Lauren is supportive..... all of the girls are. They do everything they can to keep me grounded and prevent me from slipping into a deep pit of depression. The constant need to check up on me, the endless amount of attention and respecting the wishes I have to be left alone or be with one of them at a time. Mainly it's Lauren but aside from Lauren, when I need another girl to help me it's always Normani, she just has this embrace that makes you feel at home.

The pain inside is something none of the girls can get rid of though, it just lays there in waiting, haunting me! There's no escape once that black cloud of numb looms over you, it's over at that point.

It's always worse at night. The silence as everyone else is asleep and you're awake trying to muffle your sobs into your pillow. They don't know what happens when the sun goes down.

Today was the last straw. My final battle.

My phone was blowing up with twitter notifications and I fought hard to not look, yet my nosy side won. I open the app and what I see shatters me.

"Lauren Jauregui seen sitting in the lap of Ty Dolla Sign getting cosy and close. Is the Y/S/N ship still sailing or has it began to sink?"

Along with the article was a picture posted of Lauren doing exactly what was said. All of the girls went out for Normani's birthday but I decided not to go, parties aren't my thing. Then the comments I read made my stomach churn.

"Thank god Lauren dropped that ugly bitch           Y/N she can do so much better with Ty."

OMG POWER COUPLE YASSSS LAUREN!! FINALLY CAME TO HER SENSES!"

"Lol now that Lauren's got herself a man she can drop the slut dyke Y/N and actually get on with life happy."

After the last comment I stopped reading aware of my tears, falling fast and hard down my face. A new notification came up and what I read.... I knew I lost.

TyDollaSign: @LaurenJauregui girl you got the ass only so many could dream of! You got that killer body and sexy voice. Can't wait to see more of what you got only behind closed doors.  

I let out a loud sob. I didn't want to believe it. But it was there. The article, the tweet from the disgusting male and the comments. Lauren didn't need me. Maybe the fans were right after all.

I felt nothing. I slumped my way to the bathroom of my hotel room, my brain having made the decision without me. I knew what I was gonna do. It had to be done. I opened the cabinet I kept my sleeping pills in and pulled out a razor, looking at them I wondered if this was what I really wanted, then I remembered the pain, and the smile on Lauren's face in the picture with Ty. She was happier without me.