Chapter Song: Shadow of the Day by Linkin Park
Bella had gone the week feeling like a vital part of her body was missing. Edward had given her all the space she could wish for. Her dreams also grew increasingly worse.
She'd asked Charlie if he thought they could afford counseling and he'd said, "Hell yes."
She'd had one session with Sam Uley and thought that he was a good fit for her. He wasn't too old but not too young either. He wasn't exceedingly nosy but asked just the right questions. Even allowing her to ask him many, many questions, like: Why did she become mute? Why did she start talking again? Was her fears and doubts valid? And many others.
He'd taken his time answering each questions, often asking her what she thought.
He'd said this about her not speaking, then speaking suddenly, "You went through something very traumatic, Bella. It's not surprising at all that that's how you dealt with it. Our bodies automatically do things to protect us and yours chose to shut down your speech. It's not all that uncommon actually."
The last part had surprised her very much but it also made her feel better.
"As for why you spoke again, you needed a release, so your body found it best to let you speak. I know it sounds confusing and rather fictitious to hear it explained this way, but it's true."
Bella nodded, believing him. He was a licensed professional, after all, who specialized in helping troubled children like herself.
"What about my fears and doubts?" she pushed explaining her and Edward's issue.
He'd paused with a thought look on his face. "I believe that you're not completely unjustified in having fears and doubts, Bella. You're only human."
She nodded at his cautious answer. "What should I do?"
He looked at her with pity. He could keep his pity, all she wanted was answers. "Sadly, I can't give you that answer."
"Why not?" she blurted before she could stop herself.
He chuckled a little and stopped when he saw her annoyed face. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me, that's very rude. I can't give you the answer because only you can."
She frowned, knowing he was right but wishing he wasn't.
Sam asked his wife, Emily, who worked at the front desk, to schedule Bella for the next four weeks before he shook her hand with a goodbye.
Bella took the bus home, thinking about the last couple of weeks. She'd made such a grave mistake, letting doubt eat at her. She'd lost a beautiful person because of her own stupidity. She also didn't doubt him anymore. It took far too long to realize this and it made her feel wretched. She wanted to jump off the bus right then and run to him, begging and pleading for forgiveness, but her butt stayed glued to the seat. Would he forgive her or was it too late? This question kept her ice-bound all the way home.
Someone knocking heavily on the door later that day snapped Bella's nose out of the hardcover book it was crammed inside.
She shoot up, rushing to the door, hoping it was Edward on the other side.
She was only slightly disappointed to see Alice instead.
Alice looked tense and not-to-pleased with her arms crossed and actually tapping a foot. Bella wasn't all that surprised that she'd taken Edward's side, but it still hurt.
She made herself look like she wasn't feeling anything as she stepped back for Alice to enter. The little fireball marched in, expensive smelling perfuming trailing behind her. Alice spun around, saying/shouting, "What are you thinking? You and Edward belong together," before Bella could even close the door.
"Are you thirsty?" Bella asking had Alice blinking and closing her mouth.
"Sure," she said, relaxing a little as Bella walked her to the kitchen.
"Coffee?" Bella murmured.
"Have any wine?" Alice asked as she took a chair.
Bella smiled a little with a shake of her head. "Fresh out."
Alice frowned cutely. "Water's good then."
Bella nodded, fixing both of them long glasses of ice water before sitting down with the girl she'd grown to care for very much.
Alice looked at Bella for a long time. "I missed you. We all have. And Edward...he's a wreck."
Bella closed her eyes as agony struck her heart at the imagine of him in any amount of pain. "Did he tell you everything?"
Alice shook her head. "That's why I'm here."
"Oh," Bella said lamely.
"I'm here see you too." Alice added quickly with a touch to Bella shoulder.
Bella pulled her lips up, but stopped the useless effort as she let her shoulders fall. "I hate what I'm doing to him, but everything's so complicated now."
"You can tell me," Alice said softly as she squeezed Bella's shoulder in a friendly way.
Bella broke down, balling like a baby as she told Alice everything. Bella told her how it was for her in the closet, about what she'd told Edward the day before prom, about what Angela had told her about her bullying experience, and about her and Edward's first argument, though it wasn't even truthfully an argument but more of a pleading from him and a shutdown from her. She ended with how she was still so confused but mostly about how much sorrow and pain she was in.
"It's all my fault," Bella ended with a raw throat.
Alice hugged her. "Oh, honey, don't be so hard on yourself." Bella cuddled into the embrace, missing human contact so much and wishing it was Edward's arms she was in.
A laugh bursted out of Bella as she wiped her face when they pulled away. "I messed up and let Edward go—worse I hurt him."
Alice nodded. "You did, but we all make mistakes, Bella."
"I know, but what if he doesn't forgive me."
Alice laughed out loud. "I wouldn't worry about that if I were you."
Bella gave her a face. "Be serious."
"I am. Edward would take you back in a heart beat."
"Are you sure?" She gave her friend skeptical eyes as hope flourished inside.
Alice nodded vigorously. "Positive. If he could sing or write lyrics, he'd have twenty to thirty sappy ballads about you ready to perform at your window."
Bella rolled her eyes at the exaggeration but couldn't help the smile. "Should I go to him?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely!"
They were out the door and in Alice's car, driving down the road to Edward's house, in a heartbeat.
Excitement and anxiety rushed through her as they sped closer and closer to the Cullen's house.
