When things get confusing

When things get confusing - 18

Lucy

Laura had her hand wrapped aound my wrist and she was dragging me down the street, I closed my eyes and just ran along with her. I almost tripped a few times but Laura kept dragging me along completly oblivious. Eventully I felt her sit down and I copied I instantly feelt the wet grass beneath me and when I opened my eyes I saw the town before me. It was lighten up brightly by the houses and many cars driving around. I could see people walking around and I could hear there voices when they were shouting.

"Your watching everyone's lives right now Lucy. Making friends, making love, birth, proposing marriage. Your also watching divorce, losing friends, breaking love, death. You can see everyone right now, no one can see you though. Which would you prefer, to be the one being watched or sitting on the fence, watching everyone else. This is as much your choose as it is Liam's. Dont let him be the desision maker."

I looked over at Laura before standing up and looking down at her and saying,

"Thank you Laura, you are an amazing friend."

She smiled at me Knowingly, of course she knew, that was her porpuse to bring me up here. I walked away down the small mountain and walked through the streets. I walked with purpose, I knew where I was going and what I was going to do. What I needed to do.

***

Liam

I gasped as the film flashed and I saw the family trying to save Gordan from falling, I feel so sorry for their chinese friend for having hurt his leg so badly but- oh my god! At least I didn't slip and die in those... things. For the first time when I saw the mum screaming after Gordan, who was her boyfriend. I actully considered how she was feeling, I stopped and I thought what it must be like to lose someone who you loved 'enough' as she had put it. I would hate to lose someone I love... I would hate to lose Lucy... Who would have thought that 2012 would be the reason I am actually saying that. Because honestly, I don't love. Except for Lucy. Arggg! ok, so I know how I feel about her but Lucy doesn't know! I need her! Like now. I need her now.

Ok, so this is me jumping off a cliff with a tiny piece of string stopping me from dropping 50 something feet into deep DEEP water.

I ran down the street, passing people, pushing them out the way. I just hope that she's there. I finally saw her house, I ran across the road dodging to cars that came racing towards me. I hit my fist across the front door loudly and skipped on the spot from adrenalin. Finally Lucy's mum came to the door,

"Oh hey, er... is Lucy in?"

I said whilst craning my head to see past her shoulders but she blocked me very well and said,

"No she's not laura took her out to god knows where."

"Oh ok thanks."

I quickly replied to her before running off, I could feel her eyes burning into my back as she watched me go, I knew exactly where Laura has taken her. I go there sometimes, just to watch the town going by. I went up the steps two at a time and I finally reached the top out of breath.

"Laura!" I shouted when I saw the silloutte of someone sitting on the ledge I jogged over to see her sitting alone,

"Laura... Lucy... where.... is.... she?"

I managed to say between my harsh gasped breaths.

"Liam," she smiled at me gently, "Just missed her, don't worry we had a good conversation, I think you'll like it. She went back down town."

Crap

"Where has she gone?"

"I don't know where she's gone, she just walked away."

I groaned in Laura's direction before sprinting back down the mountain heading towards school. Yep that's right, school. I pushed open the heavy door and sprinted over to the Drama department, I slowed down as I came to the door and I could see her figure sitting on the stage facing the large mural on the back wall. I can remeber that mural me and Lucy had painted it with Laura. We were in year 7 and we had paired up for an art project, I can remember drgging cardboards boxes down here filled with different shades of pink, blue and green. We had done lots of different lines leading around the wall, almost like a maze. Lucy had been determined on painting tiny little pink flowers coming off from the thick multi-coloured lines.

"Lucy!"

My eyes widened in desperation at her beautiful face as she turned to face me.

"Liam." I saw streaks on her cheeks from the tears that had been running down them. I walked down over to her and I bent down and picked up up her tiny hand, I then pulled her up to her feet and pressed her up against me. She had her mouth slightly open and I could feel her breathing go shallow. It suddenly reminded me of when I had been in hospital. I suddenly froze, I was about to say something to her but the thought of all the trouble I had been through. The feeling I felt when I thought what it would be like to lose a loved one and I suddenly realised. She would lose me. Lucy would be the one crying, grieving, desperate for me to come back... but there was no cure, no way for me to live. I was going to die and I knew it, but Lucy didn't. And I would never be able to tell her.

"Liam?"

Lucy broke my thoughts, once again.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Luc."

"No your not Liam. Tell me what's wrong."

"There is nothing wrong!"

"Liam your voice goes high when your lieing."

"Shit."

"See! That was your normal voice 'cos you know I'm telling the truth."

She smiled at me before leading me over to the first row of chairs that faced the stage. She sat next to me and looked me in the eye, she has such beautiful eyes, you can't help but be completly captivated by them and want to tell her everything but I couldn't tell her. But I am so close. She tilted her head slightly questining me once more,

"Tell me Liam."

She leaned her face towards me and gently pressed her lips on my forehead, I cupped her cheeks with my hand and moved her face so she was looking at me and kissed her on her lips lightly.

"I can't tell you Luc."

"You can tell me anything you want."

"No Lucy, I mean, if I told you then trust me... it's not something that you will easily forget."

She looked slightly confused but carried on begging,

"Please Liam... tell me."

"I...I can't Lucy."

I then turned my head away from her, I couldn't look at her and see her in pain. I couldn't let her see me in pain.

"Will you ever be able to tell me?"

"The day that I finally become... comfortable with it, is the day that I will tell you. But, I'm warning you, I may never be comfortable with it."

"It's a long term thing then?"

"Life long thing."