Memory | NCT Winwin

Forty

FORTY

It's been 1 week since I saw them on that day. I was so damn frustrated. I don't know what to do in my life anymore.

I was so loyal to her but what did she do? She first ruined my trust and now she ruined me. I freakin' hate my life. I hate myself for falling in love with her. I hate myself for being a dumb ass guy who doesn't even know that his girlfriend's not loyal.

She's my ex now.

And yeah. We really broke up.

I was at the bar after the day I saw Erynne's kissing Jung Yu, I really want to forget what happened. I just want to forget everything on that day that's why I decided to have some fun.

I'm ready to drink my last shot when I saw Erynne entered the bar... with Jung Yu. I don't know why but the moment I saw them together I just remember that I punched Jung Yu's face. Not just once... not twice but thrice.

I was frustrated, really. I didn't expect that I will saw them together.

Erynne was shocked and she doesn't know what to do. At first she was about to slap my face but when she saw that it's me she just hold my hand and we went outside the bar.

I kept on asking her why she was with Jung Yu but all she can say is "wala lang. chill chill lang kami"

Damn. I was so mad at her and I really want to hit her so bad but I can't... because i love her.

I was so frustrated but there's nothing I can do that's why I cried... yes, infront of her. I cried infront of Erynne.

I can still remember how soft her voice was back then.

"Oh no. I'm sorry, Sicheng. Please don't cry" she said that and she hold my hand. She also tried to catch my gaze but I just cant look at her because I was so damn hurt and I don't know what I can do to her once I looked straight into her eyes.

"W-why, Erynne? W-why did you do this to me?" I don't know if this is just the effect of me drinking so much or it's just the fact that I know my girlfriend ruined my trust.

"Sicheng, believe me. Friendly date lang 'to. Gusto lang ni Jung Yu mag-saya."

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe in. And then I let go of her hand.

"Mag-saya? Anong magsaya? Kayong dalawa?!"

"O-oo." she startled.

"How can I freakin' believe you if I saw you kissing Jung Yu yesterday?!"

I saw in her eyes that she was shocked. Yes, I can't help it not to look straight into her eyes. I just want to look at her for the last time.

"He even ask you if you love me and you said you don't love me." I sighed.

"No. No, Sicheng. I really do love you."

"If you really love me then explain yourself! Why are you with him last night? Why is he in your condo unit? Why did you forget that it's our anniversary last night? Why are you hurting me so bad?!"

I can see that she was about to cry but I just really don't care. I just want to ask her questions that kept on bothering me.

"Why did you do that? Why did you need to do it? You have me... bakit kailangan mo pa maghanap ng iba?"

I kept on asking her but she's not even answering.

"I'm her boyfriend even before you became her boyfriend." I heard Jung Yu's voice.

Oh damn it.

Another revelation.

Great. Just great.

"Jung Yu, stop." Now it's Erynne's voice. "Just let me explain everything to Sicheng."

"And she doesn't love you, Sicheng. She just used you. Ako talaga ang mahal niya at hindi ikaw. Just admit it, talo ka at ako ang panalo..."

When Jung Yu said that Erynne walked towards him and said "Jung Yu, stop! I said ako na ang mag-eexplain kay Sicheng!"

Pero ngumisi lang si Jung Yu.

Damn it. Hindi ko na talaga macontrol ang sarili ko kaya I punched hin again and this time it's really hard.

"Sicheng! Tama na yan!" Erynne pulled me away to Jung Yu.

"Tell Jung Yu to shut his mouth if he doesn't want his face to be ruined."

Sumunod naman si Erynne at pagkatapos nun ay kinausap na niya ako.

"I... I'm sorry." yumuko siya pagkasabi niya pa lang nun.

"It's also our anniversary last night. 3rd anniversary. I'm sorry, Sicheng." she looked at me and tried to hold my hand. But I didn't hold her hand. I was so mad at her that time.

Damn it.

Another freakin' revelation.

Yung mga panahong nililigawan ko siya may boyfriend na siya? Hindi naman niya yon sinabi sakin dati.

I closed my eyes and I tried to calm down.

"If he's already your boyfriend when I'm still courting you then why didn't you told me that you have a boyfriend? Bakit mo pa ako sinagot? Ano yon? Para kapag nagbreak kayo ni Jung Yu may sasali sayo? Wow. Just wow."

Umiling siya. She's crying already.

"I already fall in love with you kaya hindi ko na nasabi..."

"Kalokohan. This is just nonsense. Let's just stop this. Walang patutunguhan 'tong pag-uusap na 'to."

I walked away but she stopped me from walking.

"Sicheng. Believe me. Minahal naman kita eh."

"Pero mas mahal mo si Jung Yu." I bitterly said.

Umiling nalang ako at saka nagpatuloy sa paglakad.

Tinatawag pa rin niya ako nun pero hindi ko nalang siya pinansin. I need to go somewhere. Baka hindi ko na makayanan ang sarili ko at kung ano pa ang magawa ko kay Erynne.

Before that day ends, nakipagbreak na ako kay Erynne. I called her and said that we're over. She said makikipagbreak nalang siya kay Jung Yu but I don't believe her.

That's why we broke up.

I'm totally free and single.

That's why I'm here again in a bar somewhere around Manila.

I'm always here every late night. Mas masaya kasi kapag gabi dito. Saka ito din kasi yung bar na pinupuntahan nila Taeyong dati, di lang ako sumasama pero ngayon ko lang narealize how fun it is to be here.

"Mukhang napapadalas ang pagpunta niyo dito sir, ah?" sabi ng bartender sa akin

"I just want to have fun." I said.

"Lahat naman kayo nang nandito gusto magsaya pero ang nangyayari lagi kabaliktaran dahil sobrang nalalasing."

"At least we're happy right? At least for a moment nakakalimutan namin ang mga problema namin."

"Sabagay. Oh sir, eto na po yung order niyo." and right away she gave me my drink.

"Thank you, miss." I said and then smiled at her.

After I talked to the bartender I don't know how many shots that I drink. All I know is that I'm happily dancing with some random strangers in front of me.

When I decided to stop dancing I kept so dizzy. More dizzy even when I was dancing.

The next thing I know is that I vomited at someone.

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Hi everyone! Sorry for not updating for so long, I was busy at school. But right now I will try to update 2x a week. Hope you'll enjoy this update.

-BYEpjulienne