On my mind || Phan au

~Forgiveness~

"Hi Dan."

I couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to say, why was he even here?

"Ph..Phil what's wrong??" It's all that could exit my mouth. He looked so broken, weak, so fragile, as if I softly touched him he would smash into a thousand pieces.

His eyes had turned to a darker shade of turquoise, all the life drained out of them, changing his appearance to a ghost, a lifeless being full of hopelessness.

"I'm sorry Dan, I'm just not okay at the moment, I knew I shouldn't have come, I was wrong I'm sorry, I'm going to go, I had the wrong idea" he started to walk away after me finally seeing him after weeks, I couldn't let him leave.

"Phil stop. I can't lose you again, please.. can we talk?"

"Fine. I guess so."

I stepped back from the door, letting Phil inside from the pouring rain and guide him into the living room. I peep round the door and ask what he wants to drink.

"Um.. can I have a hot chocolate please, I would have coffee but I will never sleep if I do" he let out a small side smirk, lighting up his face again. But it instantly leaves as he looks down at his shoes, the dark blue colour filling his eyes once more, in the awkward atmosphere.

"Of course"

I walk out of my living room and into my kitchen, filling up the kettle and flicking the switch to make the water boil. Then I realise. Phil. He's back, he's come back to see me again he really does care about me. But he's unhappy, like I have been for the majority of my life, and it chills my spine seeing him upset and so heartbroken. I need to know what has upset him, and how I can make it better. I can't bear to see him like this again.

The kettle stops boiling and I pour the hot water into a Rubik's Cube mug along with hot chocolate powder. I stir it and add five mini marshmallows to try and brighten his mood. I take it into the living room, placing it on a coffee table with a coaster underneath, sitting next to Phil leaning forward, as he was slumped back comfortable into the black couch.

"Do you want to tell me what's happened? I won't judge, you don't have to tell me if you don't want" I needed to reassure him, I didn't want him to feel awkward.

" well, it's a long story,  so brace yourself."

"It's fine Phil, I don't mind if it takes all night. Just let it out, it's okay"

"Well, ever since secondary school, I've been bullied so much, because I'm gay, if you didn't quite catch the last time we saw each other. There were these two guys, always making fun of me, they beat me up at break, and everyone would just walk past me. They thought it was 'the usual thing' in my school, no one even fucking stopped to ask if I was okay. It happened for the last three years in school, and I tried to ignore it to concentrate on getting good grades, but I couldn't help it. My grades began to drop, and drop. And people making fun of me just grew, groups getting bigger and bigger, I was just a punchbag for everyone. It drove me to the point where.. I... well... I tried to kill myself. I'm sorry, I was stupid for trying, but I couldn't help it, I never told anyone about the bullying, at home I was this happy, smart and amazing kid, but at school it was like hell. Luckily, my mum found me in my bedroom, passed out on my bed from overdosing on pills, and she managed to get me to the hospital, where I recovered for two months."

I kept staring at his dark blue eyes that started to fill up as he told his story, and I begin to feel my own tears streaming down my face as well. I knew it wouldn't help, but I couldn't stop myself.  After taking deep breaths, and me bringing tissues for Phil to wipe his eyes and nose, he carried on telling me what happened.

"And well... to what's happened recently, what you probably actually wanted to hear. After I finished at the hospital, I still hadn't told my parents about my sexuality. Then I met you. Brendon brought me there because he knew I I felt depressed, and I did need social interaction, and he thought making friends with you, Tyler, and Jenna would help me, which it definitely has. I felt like I had the confidence, and then I lost it when.. when you were in the hospital. And I'm still sorry about that. I really am. When you left at the hospital, I felt like I needed to tell them, I had to. So I did, a few hours go. Let's just say, my Mum was in full support, but my Dad wasn't. He chucked me out, with everything I owned, he thought I was disgusting, he said it himself, he was disappointed,  ashamed I was his son, that he even knew me. Mum really tried to stop him, she really did, but he locked her upstairs in their room, so she couldn't help me. My brother,  Martyn, he wasn't there, he could've helped, but he was out with his friends. After that, I tried to contact everyone, but no one answered, no one bothered to help. Brendon had gone to America, and Tyler was back in Ohio working with his band, so they did help, and they told me to come here. And so I did, and this street, it just creeps me out after what happened with that stupid gang.. and.. I'm glad I came."

After him telling me the whole story, I knew the tears had increased on us both, I looked at Phil, not hiding my emotion, then collapsing on him in a massive hug. I couldn't help it. His body felt so cold, no heat rays coming off his usual sunshine self that I expected him to be. His once slightly pink pale skin had turned into a blue and cold layer, defining his cheek bones and features on his face, darkening underneath his eyes.

"Phil, I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I left you after the hospital, I really do regret it, can I go anything to make up for it?"

"There's no need, I'm just unsure where to stay for the time being."

"Well, you could stay here, I'll sleep on the couch, and you can sleep in my bed. I don't have a spare room for the time being, but we can work around it" I gave him a side smirk, and he looked slightly less lifeless.

"If it's okay with you, Dan. I don't want to burden you. I'll get out of your way as soon as I can, I promise"

"Honestly, stop worrying. It's fine, stay as long as you like, I really don't mind, as long as your not homeless, I'm happy "

We laughed to each other as I helped Phil take his bags up to my room, and leave him alone to get some sleep by himself.

"Goodnight Phil, if you need anything I'm in the living room downstairs, or just text me" I gave him a big grin as I walked out the room, still smiling to myself. He might be happy here.

"Goodnight Dan" a muffled voice from Phil from behind the door, making me laugh again.

I tiptoe downstairs, so I don't disturb Phil, and grab a fluffy blanket from in my store cupboard. I walk back in the living room , and curl up on the couch, finally drifting off into a calm sleep.

Haven't had one of those on a while.
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(A/N) I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen next in this story, but hopefully something a bit less boring that what's happened in it so far!!

Also thank you so much for 100 reads!! I didn't think many people would actually want to read this, but I guess I was wrong, please do tell me if you do enjoy these silly fictions, so comment here what you think. Love yaaaa