Various x reader ||One-shots||

Horrible || Saiki Kusuo

Vent to my bae. I feel horrible

You showed up in his doorstep so suddenly, and it just happened that Saiki was wearing his germanium ring for some peace and quiet in the current afternoon weekend.

"... (Name)? What are you doing here?" He said, taking off the germanium ring.

You stood there with your lips pursed tightly, yet your thoughts said otherwise.

'I was so mad today, I broke my stylus for my drawing tablet. I can't draw anymore.'

Saiki simply listened, leaning himself on the doorway before continuing, "and?"

Lowering your head in shame, you continued to trudge inside his house as he made way for you to drowzily come in.

Sighing heavily for like, 5 seconds, you slumped yourself on his couch and simply laid there with dead, teary eyes.

Saiki eyed you disapprovingly. "I know what's wrong, but just looking at your practically dead body is enough to bum me out."

'Sorry.'

"You should've said that first before intruding." He retorted quite irritated, seating himself beside the space your body left when you just carelessly slammed yourself there with no care for where your feet would rest.

'Sorry. For being useless. I feel so horrible, I hate myself for feeling discouraged about everything just because something this little happened to me.'

Acknowledging the psychic, you turned your face away from the couch's comfort to  eye the reading esper. 'Right? You could probably care less for something so little.'

Saiki nodded. "Saves me the pain to be frank about it."

You frowned and pouted at him. 'Mean.'

'Anyway, I know so I'm not really mad, but I feel shitty for being miserable about it. I'm being attacked.'

"Attacked?" Saiki almost snorted while flipping a page of his book.

Flipping to your back, you moved to a more comfortable position by placing your head on his lap casually.

He lifted his book up to narrow his eyes at you suspiciously, yet you brushed him off with a shrug and made yourself comfortable. 'C'mon man. Gimme a break?'

"... Just this once." He went back to his reading after pausing with a serious, contemplating look.

'So yeah. I feel attacked by... by feels.'

Saiki looked you dead in the eye. "Feels?"

'.. Feels. Hate those bastards, always playing with my mood and swinging them like a mother swinging their child on a swing, making me feel so fucking bad.'

Sighing, you brought an arm to cover your face, despite the fact that the pink-haired psy-user was simply listening, he didn't bother looking in your direction at all.

'I hate feeling. I hate this. I hate feeling miserable. I hate feeling angry and sad at the same time. Overall, I just hate emotions.'

Saiki hummed, flipping yet again another page. "True. I myself want to feel simple emotions such as being surprised or feeling a sense of achievement, but I suppose in a normal human's case, it really is a pain."

"But isn't that part of being human? That's the most humane thing humanity can show."

You sent him an incredulous look as you peeked from your arm, crossing them while you rolled your eyes at his response. 'Please, Saiki, you have no idea how hard it is to be human.'

He raised a brow at you after setting down his pocket book in a slow, and thoughtful motion. "Oh? Care to enlighten me?"

'.. Okay, I might've been rude with that, but really, if that's what it means to be human, then I don't want to be a human anymore.'

Saiki scoffed silently, yet the annoyance in it did not go unheard. "Even if it means not feeling a thing? Happiness that comes with success, pride that comes from an achievement, and satisfaction that comes from a job well done?"

'... It varies, I suppose. For someone like you, Saiki, who can do everything and anything so flawlessly, you are sure to feel those positive emotions.'

Feeling your tears well up again, you simply  blinked them away as if it was a normal thing to have tears sliding down your cheeks so shamelessly. 'But what about me?'

You shuffled in your position, facing your body to the side as Saiki eyed you intently, listening.

'I'm practically useless. Don't fight me with that. I'm someone who will never achieve success with my own hands, and if I do, I'll never feel the sense of achievement you talk about so fondly.'

He scrutinized you under his gaze, despite having your own avoiding his, you could see his displeasure from the corner of your eye. 'Because, let's face it,'

'What will I do with my talent if I myself don't have the will or motivation to realize it anymore? I'm telling you, I am the epitome of worthlessness.'

Bringing your limp hands up, you brought them to hide your face in despondence.

'Fucking garbage, I say.' You spat venomously, and honestly, it took the psychic by surprise as you practically cursed yourself with the amount of poison in your words.

"You shouldn't be degrading yourself that much, it'll be an endless loop of depression and malcontent. Eternal suffering." He stated truthfully, earning a look from you.

Nevertheless, instead of directing your frustrations with yourself to him, you breathed out, ".. If only it were that easy."

"It's like tying your own hands while you're driving."

Saiki shut his book immediately with both hands.

"Do you have a deathwish?" He retorted as if to mock your analogy. "Why would you do that for no reason? You'll die."

Somehow, his reaction caused a wilted smile to make its way to your tired face. "Exactly. That's it."

"Depression, is... sabotaging yourself for absolutely no reason. You simply want to die."

Hidden concern made it to his eyes, it caused his already furrowed brows to dig deeper at the way you smiled despite the pain he could amost feel from your thoughts. "... That's not good."

"Duh, 'course not." You chuckled in one moment, before frowning in the next.

'That's why....'

Saiki was too focused on your thoughts to notice that you were actually looking him in the eye for once, head placed perfectly on his lap.

' ... In order to make it out alive for a day, I need to just let this all out. But even after crying, I still feel horrible.'

"So... Please grant me peace, oh Kusuo-sama~" you chimed monotonously.

"..You have no shame, do you?"

Nevertheless, although he saw it coming, he settled the book in his hands down beside the side table, and let your hands wrap around his neck so you could pull him in in a hug.

"I suppose I could let her," he thought, blinking blankly as his eyes shifted to your trembling form.

Sighing almost inaudibly, Saiki shifted himself to comfort by leaning on the sofa, and bringing his arm to your back to gently pat it.

"After all, the world is a harsh place, for someone as humane as her."

He shut his eyes in order to focus on your thoughts, and continued to talk you out of the miserable hole you've put yourself in as you let yourself melt in his embrace, breaking down after a long time of holding it all in.

End.

Hm. Strangely, I still feel horrible. Shit then.
Hahaaa Ihm