Addicted

Whatever is hidden within us

Lexa had indeed a hard past no one knew about because she never said a single word about the incident, not even to a dozen of therapists she had to visit over the years.
She rather struggled with her sleep, since the day where fire and explosion destroyed her perfect little world. She didn't sleep because of any nightmares she had but because of the feeling of being the one to blame. She felt guilty for the lives that had been taken away from her that day.

It was a cold summer day, when it happened. When the once so joyful brunette's world shattered into pieces and when everything she loved, became everything she lost. It was the day, when she realized she wasn't just a girl on earth, but a warrior who was fighting a battle that was long lost before the start. That battle was called moving on and letting go by ignoring and suppressing feelings.

Lexa was being in her room with her best friend Costia, the one she was secretly falling for. Whilst they were talking, Lexa had burning candles in her room and Costia secretly smoked a cigarette with her head popping out of the window so Lexa's parents wouldn't smell the smoke. After she finished her fag, she turned to Lexa with eyes so big and brown that one couldn't help but getting lost in them.

The brunette could still smell Costia's floral perfume mixed with a scent of nicotine whenever she closed her eyes.
She remembered her raspy voice and her strong but yet loving touch when she pulled Lexa towards her and pressed her lips against hers, telling her that she knew about Lexa's feelings towards her and that her love wasn't unrequited.
Costia couldn't get enough of Lexa and suggested to go outside to sit down on the swing, like they usually did as kids. However, Lexa agreed and both went into the garden and started making out.
Then it all started and time became Lexa's worst enemy.
Whilst Costia deepened the kiss, Lexa tried to pull away because she had a certain scent in her nose that she couldn't dedicate. Costia, on the other hand, wasn't paying attention to anything. She intensified the kiss and pressed the smaller brunette, who was still feeling uncomfortable, against her body. Regardless of how hard Lexa tried loosening Costia's strong grip, she wouldn't win this war.
Minutes later, the scent became suddenly so strong that Lexa who had perceived noises of people screaming, pushed the blonde away to run towards her house to find it bursting into flames.

Even after all these years, she could still feel her heart skipping a beat and the way it felt when she couldn't move a single inch of her body.
She was paralyzed when Costia arrived but her mind eventually became clear and adrenaline ran through her veins, as she began running towards the burning house.
She wanted to run inside to save her parents, without seeing that the fire had already become so great that surely no one was alive anymore. Still, all she could think about was her lovely parents. She had them both right in front of her eyes, looking right back at her and begging her for help. Her mind went crazy and just as she was about to join her family's fate, someone jumped her over and pinned her down.

"Stop Lexa! What are you doing?!" Costia shouted but Lexa just fought back and freed herself from her to kick in what was left of the door.
She was ready to go inside, to save her world.
It felt hotter than boiling water but she didn't mind nor noticed the unbearable heat. The time seemed to slow down, until Costia got up again and pulled Lexa back from the house.
"Lexa! Don't!!" Costia cried desperately.
"I can't!!" Lexa shouted as she pushed the blonde off her, but Costia didn't plan to give up as well. She was older than Lexa and therefore also stronger and taller. With a few punches and pushes, she got a tight grip on Lexa and dragged her further away from the house with Lexa's eyes never leaving the building she used to call home.
Here eyes reflected the bright orange spectacle without her blinking once, and suddenly, an even brighter mixture of colors appeared in the reflection before everything went black. When she came back to life but also to realization, she found herself and Costia laying on the ground while what was left of her house was still burning.
Lexa didn't feel any pain even though her leg was slightly burned and her right arm got injured by flying debris caused by the explosion. She didn't feel anything but emptiness inside her broken heart.
That was when she became a lost soul, wandering through an unfair and awful world in hope to find a reason to live.