Organised Chaos - Sherlock x Reader

XLV • 45

You were efficient at work, but lacked your normal enthusiasm. Well, it had been normal before Sherlock fell. Now it was fairly rare.
Still, your boss noticed, and when you'd gone back to deliver an order to the cook, she took you aside.
"Hey hon, you're not yourself today. Are you okay?"
You hung your head, then shook it almost imperceptibly.
Your boss was quiet, waiting for you to go on.
"I just- I get bouts of depression since.." You trailed off.
She knew that you had lost someone close to you, although she was ignorant as to who it had been and the exact relationship you'd had with him. You weren't one to share your intimacies.
"Okay. Of course." She bit her lip, unsure of what to say. She personally had never lost someone truly close, and certainly not to something as devastating as suicide. Finally she just said, "Do you want the day off? I can cover your shift."
You looked up, slightly startled. "Oh no, no, I'll be fine. Thank you though."
You smiled gratefully, then jabbed your thumb over your shoulder. "Don't want to keep them waiting."
"Of course." She smiled thinly, letting you go.
You did your best to smile despite the feelings you were masking. You'd gotten pretty good at that, hiding your feelings if you felt it necessary. You'd smile all day long, then go home and cry. No one had to know.
The hours crawled by, you faking your smile every time you approached a table.
Eventually, after what seemed like a lifetime, your lunch break came.

You sat down with the sandwich you had brought from home and just stared at it. You weren't in the mood.
When Sebastian sat down across from you, you started. You had expected him to text you rather than just show up.
"Hey sweetheart. What's up?"
You couldn't help but notice his calling you 'sweetheart', but somehow it sounded more brotherly than anything else.
"Nothing much." You mumbled, still staring at your food.
"Mmm. No, that's not true. You should know by now that I don't fall for that kind of stuff." He looked at you earnestly with those unique eyes of his.
You laughed a little, although there wasn't much humour behind it. "You're right. I'm still thinking about.." Once again, you trailed off.
"Yeah, I know. It's tough to stop thinking about it. But sometimes talking helps." He smiled.
"Thanks." You said, hesitating a bit. "It's just.. He was my..." You paused, unsure of what to say. You weren't going to say boyfriend, that just didn't seem right. But he was more than a friend. Best friend didn't seem right either, since you'd always called Kenzie your best friend, you still did. But still, you loved him, you spent a lot of time with him, you trusted him, you told him everything. He had to you as well. You decided best friend was the only proper description for him, and you knew Kenzie wouldn't mind. She had been all excited about your relationship with him in the first place.
"He was my best friend." You finally managed.
"I know. I know what that's like. I know everybody grieves differently, so I'm not going to say I know exactly what you're feeling, but I do understand." He reached across the table and squeezed your hand reassuringly.
You looked up, your eyebrows drawn together. "But that won't bring him back." You murmured.
He nodded, smiled sadly. "I know, love. I'm sorry."
You didn't say anything, so he continued. "Sometimes if you talk about it, think about the good things they did, it really helps."
You smiled a little, the things you'd remembered about him this morning coming back to you.
"He was awful." You said, but smiled.
"Me and my brother were the only ones who actually liked him. And our landlady, she liked him too. And we were probably the only three he cared for. He was a genius, but he had extreme social incompetence. He didn't understand people at all, so it was a job. But I loved him." You smiled a little. "I really loved him."
Sebastian smiled. "I wish I could've met him. He seems like a decent fellow."
"Oh you don't know the half-" You stopped.
That's exactly what Jim had said.
"I like him. Sherlock I mean. He seems like a decent fellow."
You don't know the half of it. That was exactly what you'd told him.

Sebastian looked over his shoulder where you were staring.
"What is it?" He asked, slightly concerned.
You shook your head. "Nothing- sorry. I just remembered something. You're right, he was great." You glanced at your watch, "My break is up. It was good talking to you."
You got up and discarded your untouched food, then headed for the back distractedly.
Those were the exact same words Jim had used. He was another kind, charming guy that showed interest in you.
You chewed your lip, shook your head. That was ridiculous. It was just a coincidence.