Organised Chaos - Sherlock x Reader

XLVII • 47

A/N: There is a massive time skip here in order to bring you Sherlock once again, just a heads up.

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Time seemed to pass slower than molasses on a cold day, but eventually, each day did get easier and the days turned to weeks, the weeks to months. It had been a year and a half now. You still thought of him often, but you had come to terms with his passing. You believed wholeheartedly that he had only done it to keep you and John safe, but you no longer held onto the hope that he'd faked it. You'd thought him so selfish to begin with, but now you almost appreciated his humility and his willingness to sacrifice himself for his friends.
You doubted that he would ever have done that when you first met him. Over time, however, his condescending air of pride and arrogance had melted away so all that was left was the kind but broken man you loved.

At this point you knew for sure that he would have expected you to move on, find someone new. You knew he'd be disappointed if you never loved again because of him.
Sebastian had become a very close friend, and he'd never given you reason for concern, though you were still wary.
You'd been on several lunch dates together, mostly as consolation for each other's grief.
He had been so incredibly supportive on the day that marked a year since Sherlock's death.

Flashback:

A year. It had been a whole year. You stared at his headstone, the early afternoon sun reflecting on its smooth black surface. You came here every week to talk to him. You knew he couldn't hear you, but it still helped.
You took a deep breath, willing your tears to stay put.
"It's been a year, Sherl." You addressed the headstone. "I understand now. I think. Thank you, by the way. I don't think I've said that yet. I'd never have dreamed of it before. I hated you, thought you were so selfish. But, now that I get it, thank you. I know you'd never have done it if there'd been any other way, but I really appreciate your generosity. Sometimes I still think life's not worth living without you, but then I have to think of how much it took on your part. I know you didn't want to die. So thank you." You were glad to finally have expressed your feelings, even if he wasn't there to hear.
You felt an arm around your waist and jumped a little, but looked up to see Sebastian. He was looking down on you with so much loving care in his eyes that your tears finally did fall. He gathered you to him and you buried your face in his shoulder. He'd been such a great help for the past year.
He rubbed your shoulder gently until you looked up.
"Thanks Seb." You managed a smile. "It's a year today. I think I'm starting to get over him."
"Hey now. You don't want to get over him, (N/N). It can get a lot easier without doing that, hon. Trying to forget him is one of the worst things you could do." His eyebrows knitted together in concern.
You smiled. "Yeah I know. I didn't mean I was starting to forget him. I think I'm starting to accept the fact that he's actually gone."
He nodded. "I think I can safely say the same."

It had been six full months since that day. There were days you were depressed, days everything still seemed surreal, days where you didn't even want to be alive. But the majority of the time, at this point, you were finally starting to accept the truth.

It was a Friday, and you had the day off. You had just got back from walking Bowie when Sebastian texted you.

Hey, how you going?

You smiled. He knew it was exactly a year and a half today.

Alright. Lunch at my place?

You typed your reply with one hand as you unclipped Bowie from his lead.
Your phone pinged in response a moment later.

Yeah, I'll be there in a bit.

You smiled again. You were so thankful for his friendship.

You had changed into nicer clothes and tidied up the flat a bit when he knocked.
"Come on in!" You called, a pencil between your teeth as you whisked away the last couple of things lying around.
He opened the door and you smiled at him through the pencil, then took it out of your mouth.
"Hey."
"Hi." He smiled back. "You like Chinese?" He held up a take out bag.
You grinned. "I love Chinese."

You chatted over lunch, and by the time he was leaving, you had nearly forgotten the misery of the one and a half year anniversary.

You walked him to the door, but as he was about to leave, you said, "Hey, Seb?"
He turned. "Yeah?"
You stepped closer to him. "Thank you." You reached up and gave him a quick kiss.
You had barely pulled away when you felt a sharp jab in the back of your neck, and you were aware of a slightly slurred voice whispering in your ear.
"You killed my best friend."
Then everything went black.