I don't know why I do this to myself. I just sit in my room in the dark and listen to love or depressed music. I sit there and think about everything I've failed at, everything I was too cowardly to do and things I regret doing. I sit there, blank. Not feeling a damn thing. I cry sometimes but most of the time it's nothing to do but just sit. I think of how ugly I am, every rude thing people said to me, the guy I like, my parents yelling at me, my mind taunting me. I don't know why I sit there and do that but sometimes that all I can do now a days. In my room, all alone, the way I like to be. No one there to cause more pain then what I have rewinding in my head. Even if someone was yelling at me or blaming something on me I would let them because it's probably my fault anyway. Like that song " I blame myself" by Sky Ferreira. Even though its about a reputation or something, if you really listen to it and actually interpret it, you will notice how she doesn't get close to anyone or say anything to anyone because she can't. That's how I feel, don't ask me why I just can't. Everytime I try to open up to some people they end up making fun or me or making me feel worse and I honestly blame myself. Everything is all my fault and you know it is.
