Time to go home. Honestly I'm having mixed feelings about dating alex... they're nor good or bad and it's actually fucking killing me on the inside. I just feel like everything has gone to shit since we came here, I found out that frank and dad weren't actually dating not long ago and it was a joke (I flipped at them and stormed off). Any human interaction right now might make me completely flip my shit.
I needed a walk to clear my head because all I could think about was self harm and suicide... "hey dick head" a random girl shouts, for fuck sake I want to be alone. I ignore her and continue walking. "Hello? I said hey dick head why aren't you responding" she punches me "hit me again and you're dead" I grit my teeth and tighten my fist, once again she punches me and my nose starts bleeding and I get a bust lip. "I warned you..."
My fist swings and punches her right in the face and she falls on the floor knocked out "I fucking told you stupid bitch" god why don't people listen anymore I really don't understand. I start walking back to the tour bus and I see a rope, we all know what I thought of when I saw it... checking that no one was looking, I grabbed the rope and ran to the closest tree "ah aha... fuck this " voices in my head were screaming "kill yourself" "anorexic slut" "slit your wrists" my vision started to become blurry but I didn't let that stop me from tying a noose on the tree branch. I grab some boxes and stand on them while placing the noose around my neck. I take one last look and I kick the boxes out of the way... I thought this was the end.
*4 days later*
"Gerard what happens if she died?!" I hear unkle Mikey yell "she's all I have, I'd go with her. Im trying to stay strong right now" dad replies.. I open my eyes and slowly sit up "dad... I love you" he turns and starts fucking crying "never ever ever do that again. I love you please" he hugs me and cries into my shoulder "im really sorry. I love you all I really do. I just don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore" tears start streaming down my face "Lil sis. I love you" all the lads come and cuddle with me and we all cry
I get a really bad feeling about dad. I don't know why but it's killing me "Dad show me your wrists..." his eyes go wide "how did you know.." "I felt it... I can't explain it but I felt the pain, I imagined you doing it and it hurt me" im officially mentally fucked. "I love you" I feel terrible for this, I made my own father cut for fuck sake.
"Hey alex is on the phone" big bro passes me the phone "hey..-" "omg you're safe, thank fuck. I love you please dont do anything else bad to yourself" I silently cry "I-i don't think a-a relationship is b-best for me right now" I slap myself "it's fine. I uderstand, I still love you and message me if you need me okay" he hangs up but he was understanding about it all which made me happy.
"Guys can you please leave me alone for a bit" they nod and leave. I lay down and stare at the ceiling with tears forming in my eyes.
*half an hour later*
"Hey mini way we are going home now, I'll get your things ready and frank will help you up and get dressed" i stand up and almost collapse straight away but frank catches me "hey it will be okay" he smiles at me and kisses my head. After that we all head to the killjoys van and set off home... finally home.
