diary™

ramblings

since this is my journal, i can write what i want in it. i try to remind myself of that. i try to believe that if someone didn't care about what i'm feeling or my thoughts, and if they thought i was selfish for saying them here; they wouldn't read this book. of course, i welcome everyone to read this book. it's just that i realize some people simply don't care about things i may say in it.

a/n; i discuss 13 reasons why in this part. all i talk about is content warnings, and i don't spoil any actual content. but i do talk about it so look out for that.

with all that being said, i'd like to make it known that today is a gloomy day. for me, anyway. i luckily cleaned the house yesterday so that today, i could lay in bed and sulk without feeling (as) bad. i've been binge-watching netflix because i really don't feel like getting up and doing anything.

for the past 4 days, i've been watching the show 13 reasons why. i haven't stopped watching it simply because i'm curious to see what happens. the show drags itself on a lot. i legitimately feel that some (most) of the episodes could have been cut in half. but don't get me wrong, i do like the show. it's just that now i'm watching it because i'm really in too deep.

today i'm a little bothered by 13 reasons why because of sensitive content. let me explain before you say, "it's a show about a girl who killed herself; weren't you expecting that?". first of all, for some reason i wasn't expecting that. mostly because i've seen  several movies about suicide before and none of them (yet) have been gruesome. when i saw the gruesome parts of this show, i thought, "okay, i should have expected this."

however! today i finally watched episode 9. the episode about jessica's party. i won't spoil anything, but there is a warning at the beginning of the episode about sexual assault. it states that viewer discretion is advised. i was thankful for that content warning because it was potentially very triggering, if not for me then for someone who has had experiences related to sexual violence.

again, however, i ask myself why they didn't have a disclaimer for self harm in the episodes that triggered me. i'm actually still really upset over them. people get triggered over different things depending on their experiences, but why would they put a content warning for one subject and not another?

i feel that a content warning for what i'm upset over was more than necessary. it's not just me, it could be reasonably upsetting to anyone.

with that being said, i'm too invested in the show now to turn back. i'm at episode 10 so i'm almost done. i'm going to ask someone if there's other self harm content before i continue on.

i'm not sure what else i was going to talk about. i'm also not sure why i'm currently in a slump. my birthday party was amazing but i've been sad that it's over. especially since i cleaned up the mess from it. it's somehow really hard to throw away used pizza plates and pink tablecloth once the fun is over.

now i suppose i continue to watch my show and sulk. i miss elias, who is at work. i truthfully just want to spend time with him to forget my impending loneliness.

anyway, until then,
dani