diary™

matt healy

this is a dream! i woke up and scribbled it down here so i wouldn't forget.

i had a dream last night that i was at some type of children's museum with my parents and my brother. we were fighting and they were all on the same side. they blamed me. we were sitting around a lego table but then i got sad and walked away.

i walked to a magazine section that also had vinyl records. i rounded the corner and saw matty healy from the 1975 there, looking at the vinyl records that lined the wall. i minded my own business but internally felt excited that he was there.

i went to the magazines and pretended to look, but then he started to walk away. there was a man walking next to him but i didn't pay attention to him.

as he started to leave, i quietly called; "matt."

he turned around and approached me. i don't remember what we talked about, but i was sad at first because of my family and he made me feel better the more we talked. he was wearing a red flannel with a small amount of green in it, and also black pants and shoes. i remember looking up at him. he's so tall. his hair was curly and hid a part of his face. he continued to talk to me, about the magazines and about what was troubling me. he cared about me. we talked until i felt better, and finally he had to go.

i fell for him. all the times my dream shifted, i thought of him still.

feeling better from seeing matt, i decided to try to help my family reconcile. they were starting to get mad at each other too. my dad and brother were unwilling to cooperate with me and my mom was angry. i remember her having this small, blue purse made of denim. as i talked to my family, we were walking around in a grocery section of the museum.

my dream changed slightly and i was a cheerleader. i remembered everything that happened before. i was trying to find a place in the routine the team was completing. everyone else was talented; they could complete what they were told to do with no problem. but all the people who were stuck with me had to alter my place in the routine because i wasn't flexible, and because i couldn't flip.

the cheer team featuring me (i didn't consider myself a part of them) completed the routine with no problem at the big presentation. everyone was so happy for the team. we went to outback steakhouse to celebrate.

the girls were all younger than me who i sat with. one was my cousin. my aunt was off somewhere. i kept wondering where my family was. they lined the pretzels they got from the competition around the plate and told me that the waiters could put the food in the middle.

i wondered where matt was, and my family.

what i gather from this dream is: i compare myself to other people, i'm insecure about a lot of things and aspects of my life, and the 1975 makes me feel better. also, i have a giant crush on matt. i have always called him matty, never matt; but since i called him matt in my dream that's what i will call him.

good lord, why can't i just dream about talking to him forever? that would be amazing. it made me so happy. i like that feeling a lot.

- dani

(ALSO: it's now 1:20 and i can't stop thinking about this dream, and i'm now realizing that it's probably weird to crush on someone you don't even know and never will know ; but still here i am loving the idea and it's still on my mind :')