diary™

update

wOAH i haven't been writing in here as much. xO

i've had work every single day but one this past week. it kind of sucks, but meh. my co-workers are cool so it makes it more enjoyable.

and now for the depressing bit of the chapter with absolutely terrible transition.

i'll be honest. lately i've been really depressed. but thanks to being bipolar, i've also been really happy at points. i was initially going to just say "yeah, i've been good! i've been sad here and there but i'm good," but i realized that's not genuine at all. what's the point of me writing this if i'm not authentic?

i haven't made it to therapy in over a month because my car insurance and registration expired. i haven't had the money to renew it yet, and i haven't wanted to drive that far in fear that i might wreck. missing therapy for so long has taken a huge toll on my mental health. it's just nice having someone to talk to all the time about things. i know i can turn to my friends when i need to, but not in the way i would turn to my therapist. i hope, and do truly think, that when i go back to therapy my moods will improve a little.

i've also had a lot of anxiety lately, more so than usual. the past few days it's gotten less frequent than it was, but still.

anyway, other than working i've just been hanging with my friends and preparing for my amazing tHe 19 75 concert!! i bought a new tie dye shirt yesterday (at an affordable price thanks to zach!), and i'm going to decorate that for the show. i'm heckin' excited.

low key: knowing that i have my concert to look forward to has made things easier. or at least bearable. it's something i'm really looking forward to.

idk if i have anything else to say? nothing has really changed. my ears hurt so badly because i sized up to a 6. most people who read this already know that. it's just this super persistent issue though; like i can't even sleep without doing so strategically because of my ears. they hurt so much. :<

(quick update on that, now on the ear that hurts the worst ((my left)), that side of my neck and my jaw also hurts. kill me omg)

anyway, that's about all. i'm going to try to update this more. it's not that i haven't been on wattpad; believe me, i have been every single day. it's just that the stuff i write goes unpublished because it's either about my (crippling) depression or about matty healy. which i know everyone is more than tired of me talking about, but the heart wants what the heart wants i guess :'3

until next time fam,
- dani

ps. people are really catching onto the fact that i like to be called dani now and not... you know. the only one who occasionally still calls me that is elias, but everyone else is switching without a problem. also people at the youth group i go to haven't caught on that i actually want to change what i'm called and not that it's just a cute nickname. but anywayyy, people at work have caught on half-and-half which is cool.

well, peace.