Fallen Dreams

Halloween

Leo, two nights before Halloween, still at grandmas house:

I was laying on my bed when suddenly Ziggy burst into my room.

"Babe," she said, hugging me tightly, "are you ready for Halloween? Only two days away!"

I became tense in realization of what she just said. Two nights.

"Sit down, Ziggy." The look I gave her told her that it was serious. Her face grew concerned as she gently sat on the edge of my bed.

"Ziggy, there's something I need to tell you. But you need to promise not to leave or treat me like a lost puppy or anything, okay?" I said. She quickly nodded. I never wanted to tell her something like this, but I couldn't hold it back.

I closed my eyes and took a dead breath. "Ziggy, Halloween isn't a good time for me. It brings back so many memories, and it all hurts. Ziggy," I said quietly, "my mom died the day of Halloween. I was ten, and my mom had just brought me home from trick-or-treating. She was 4 months sober, and she looked better then ever. She had just started cooking again, going to yoga classes, stuff like that. She was happy. But there was always something about her that I couldn't ever put my finger on. I didn't know if it was fear or anger. She would always get nervous before we got home from doing anything, but that night she just looked... free. She was holding my hand and leading me inside the house, when my step-dad came in to the living room and started cursing at her. He called her filthy, awful names that run through my head every once in a while. He was drunk, and acting stupid. At one point he grabbed her and threw her head against the countertop, following with what seemed to be his drink that night. It was frightening, and awful. He threw her in the trunk of our car, and me with her. He drove for over an hour until he came and popped us out of the trunk. He forced me to get out and bury her with him. There were tears streaming down my face as he said, 'If you ever tell anyone about this, you will end up like her.' It was frightening, and I didn't know what to do. I never told anyone this, not even my grandma. I started becoming more and more afraid of him, and he became more and more intense. He would beat me at home, even if I didn't do anything wrong." I stopped, realizing that there were tears streaming down Ziggy's face. But they weren't tears of pity. They were tears of anger.

"What kind of monster..." She said, her eyebrows going into an angry state. The tears flowed down her face, and my eyes started burning with tears. I quickly wiped mine away, and then hers.

"Do you want me to continue?" I asked, wanting to spare any more feelings.

"Only if you want to." She replied.

"Okay. So, it got worse at home. One day he just kept hitting me, and wouldn't stop. I couldn't go to school the next day, because he didn't want anybody asking questions of what happened. It hasn't been as bad over the past few years, though. I learned how to handle the pain. I would just think of my mom and everything would just be better. Ziggy," I said, "I haven't had a reason to care about anything until I met you. The moment you tackled me on the ground so that way the car wouldn't hit me, I wanted to know you, I wanted to be with you. You make me forget about all my problems. I don't know what it is about you, but when I see you hurt or I see you happy, it fills my chest with some kind of emotion that I don't know how to explain. I didn't want to tell you about my past because I was afraid that you would leave me. I was afraid that you wouldn't act the same around me. My whole life, I've been afraid of what could happen to me. I was selfish, and didn't care about anybody. I stopped caring about other people, even though I treated them as a friend. I stopped loving, and swore to stop loving. And then I met you, and ever since then, I've had a strange feeling in my chest when I'm around you and I can't ever get it out of my system. You've given me a reason to start loving again. You've given me a reason to start caring again."