welcome to the game // joshler [✓]

say what you want

tw: mentions of suicide,
but nothing actually happens,
i promise.

i knew well enough to assume to anything was sheer coincidence anymore. this was jennas hair, and whoever got it is the same person whose gonna be involved with the monkey house tomorrow.

i was shaken up to say the very least, but in a greater scale, i knew i was utterly in deep shit now. jenna was the only person i was sure, i knew where she was, and she was still alive. i really screwed myself over this time.

no ashley to help me.

no jenna to help me.

no tyler to save me.

this result should have been the stopping point for me. dying right now would save me a lot of guilt and pain in the long run, it was bound to happen, ending it right now would have been my best bet.

but then i thought, making it this far was something else, if a hitman couldn't kill me, there wouldn't be any reason to kill myself. i still had some hope, for whatever reason.

but it was there, buried under all that fear, it was somewhere deep within the bowels. so i took it, i took that overwhelming fear, and tried molding it into determination.

and i guess it somehow worked.

i quickly decided to hide the note, along with its contents under my pillow until i knew what to do with it in the morning, or if i should tell jon. i was too panicked to really consider my options, especially at this late at night.

despite my mind being in a frenzy and my heart still beating a million miles a minute, i decided to try and get some sleep. i hid under the thin, white covers to shield myself from whatever was in the night.

because obviously, if you hide under your blanket, nothing can find and kill you, then.

__________

i'm pretty sure i got an hour of sleep, not counting the amount of times i thought i fell asleep, and got scared shitless whenever a single sound was heard.

but regardless, i woke up in the morning and was still alive, and honestly, it felt good to still be alive, knowing i was somewhat safe and possibly had an as advantage to save my friends.

though, it wasn't exactly plausible at this point.

i slowly dragged myself out my slumber, rubbing the little bit sleep from my eyes as soon as i sat up. i then stood up and stretched a bit, getting that euphoric sensation when my bones cracked into place.

after that, i had looked up on the top bunk to see jon wasn't awake, but he was rather in a half-asleep phase, but as soon as his slightly opened eyes met with mine, he was rather quick when getting out of bed.

he rubbed his eyes, slowly sat up with his back hunched from the low ceiling, and proceeded to jump down from the bottom bunk before greeting me.

"mornin', josh," jon yawned, as he stretched, "how'd you sleep?" he asked when he was about done. i cracked a smile, thinking of how caring this guy was, until i remembered what had happened last night, and it began to haunt me, clouding over my thoughts in the process.

"g'morning," i tried keeping that small smile alive, "and i slept alright, you?" i wondered, he cracked a toothy smile while letting out a quick chuckle, "oh i'm just fine an' dandy." he assured me, i nodded.

"so uh," a question popped into kind, "what're your plans for the day?" i wondered. jon rubbed his eyes some more before answering, "oh, well pete came in earlier this morning asking if i can help him move some shipments we got last night," he went on to explain,

"so that'll take me a while," he then shot me a concerned look, "why, what's up?" he then questioned me. this is where i felt an idea brewing, an idea that could have potentially been a really stupid one, but hell, it was worth a try

"well i was wondering if i could uh-- talk to raz sometime today?" it seemed more like a statement than a question, though i didn't want it perceived that way. jon shot me a confused and disgusted look, "y'wanna talk to ryan ross?"

"nonono," i quickly chimed in my denial, "i meant the real raz, the girl who was 5'1." i went on to explain further. his facial expression lightened, but there was still some confusion mixed within it.

"why d'ya wanna talk to her?" he asked, i internally panicked as i tried coming up with a response, but one finally came to mind, "oh well-- i just wanted to talk and see what she was like. plus, i don't wanna sit here and be all bored in your room." i tried guilt tripping him a bit, which i do regret, but it still worked out for me in the long run.

jon shrugged, "well alright," he agreed, and then went on to slip his shoes on before turning to me while he was by the door already, "i'll see if she's in, and if she is i'll leave you with her for a bit, okay?" be wanted my reassurance, and with no hesitation, i have him a nod.

we left his room and began walking up the stairs to the second floor, and i couldn't help but get all confident in my own brilliant idea. jon was already on good terms with raz, so i knew i had an advantage already.

when we finally walked down a rather narrow hall that was pretty much aligned with doors, we made it to the one at the end of the hall, and there had been medium, rose gold carved letters that spelled out,

"raz"

jon told me to stay back for a second as he knocked on the door, and we both heard a rather raspy female voice make her presence known from the other side of the door as she said, "come in!"

he walked in and closed the door behind him, and i heard his muffled voice say something to raz from the other side. i then heard her small, yet hoarse voice respond afterwards.

jon came back out and gave me a look of content, as he motioned for me to walk in. as he walked off to do what he had to for pete.

i slowly but surely made my way into the baby pink colored room, only to find a girl whose hair was half dark brown and half pink hair, as she sat at a white boss' desk. and her face, god her face, there was something about it.

it was distant, but somehow, it was still very familiar.