When the World Turned Upside Down

Chapter IX

In the Hospital
Mary opened the ward door quietly and found Archie sitting by Colin's bed. The two men were silent. Archibald stood and laid a hand on Mary's shoulder. He patted her shoulder silently and turned to leave. Seeing his dark expression, one of the nurses gave him a soft smile.
"I'll find you a cup of tea sir, you can wait outside for a while if you like." Archibald nodded politely and left.
Mary gave Colin a soothing smile and took Archibald's place beside his bed. She stroked his cheek softly, then took his hand and tried to look as cheerful as possible.
"Hello, Colin. Are you feeling a little less groggy?" Colin's chapped lips parted slightly and he nodded.
"May I have some water please?" Mary turned and poured a small glass from the jug on Colin's bedside table. She put her arm around Colin's neck, lifting him slightly so he could drink. When he was done, Colin lay still a moment, his eyes closed, his lashes making dark circles on his cheeks. At first Mary thought he had gone to sleep, but then his eyes opened, and they were clear. He reached his hand out and grasped Mary's.
"Did they tell you?"
She folded his hand in hers, "yes, they did Colin." Tears leapt to his eyes and he breathed deeply, trying to repress them.
"Oh Colin, it will all look better soon!" she wasn't sure she believed that yet, but she knew she somehow had to convince Colin that he would have a life.
"We will get you back to Misselthwaite as soon as you are well enough to travel." This only seemed to make Colin's face grow darker however.
"I don't want to be stuck in that house again for the rest of my life! I can't walk about the grounds, or drive into town, or ride about the moors. I can't work, not even in the garden. I can't even walk downstairs to the library! The simplest things! I can't even sit up on my own. I can't even..." He cut himself off sharply. Mary furrowed her eyebrows, looking at him with concern.
"You can tell me, it's better to talk than keep it all inside."
Colin's cheeks reddened slightly. "This is very difficult..."
Mary was slightly confused. "Whatever is the matter Colin? You can tell me, I promise I shan't be shocked." Colin looked away and spoke in a whisper.
"Please don't tell anyone, not even Dickon. Promise."
"I promise" Mary replied softly. Colin spoke almost inaudibly.
"I can never be a proper heir to my father." It took Mary a moment to understand, but when she did, she felt a wave of sadness wash over her, tears pricked her eyes and she wiped them away angrily.
"Oh Colin, I didn't realize, oh I should have known, it must have been obvious to anyone with a brain, but I didn't think. I'm sorry Colin." Colin turned his head away, a look of disgust on his face. Seeing his pain, Mary quickly composed herself.
"You've heard the worst of it, now leave me alone." Mary pursed her lips, sighing at the young Rajah.
"You don't honestly think you'll get rid of me that easily do you?" Colin's face remained hard and impassive, his lips were a thin line of defiant silence.
"Well if you're not going to talk, just listen. I know this all seems so very dark now. But you're home, perhaps you will never walk but at least you will have a life. So many won't. We love you, and we'll make sure you have a life, the best life you can possibly have. There is no reason you can't work, it just might look a bit different now. And as for having a son... your father will love you whether you can give him an heir or not. There is no point in dwelling upon what you might not be able to do, you must focus on what you can do. You must find the thing that only you can do."
"What can I do like this? What can I ever do?" He was angry, but so tired he couldn't continue the conversation. He turned his head away from Mary, the only real movement he could make.
"I'm tired, please go away. I want to be alone." Mary's heart hurt, he was closing himself away, and she didn't know how to bring him back. She saw the tears pricking at his eyes and felt them threatening the corners of her own. She took a deep breath to compose herself, then spoke calmly, but firmly.
"You can sleep all you like, you need your rest. But I'm not leaving, Colin, I won't leave you alone like this." Colin grunted, refusing to make eye contact with Mary.
"Do whatever you like Mary, I don't care." They sat in silence for many minutes, Mary did not force Colin to speak, but like she promised, Mary did not leave until Colin fell asleep.