No Way in Hell (MarkiplierXReader)

Chapter 28

I immediately regretted it.

My hands started shaking. This couldn't be true. I took a step back from the window, my legs could barely hold my weight. My stomach tightened. I fell to my knees and started to dry heave. How could this be, she was alive just a minute ago. Why would she do this? How could she do this? I placed my hands on the ground as I started to shake harder. My eyes started to water and I couldn't breathe. I started to scream, barely able to regain my breath after each time. The image of her lifeless body lying on the pavement kept flashing into my head. I wasn't strong enough to see that, I should have listened. I needed to get help but I couldn't get up. My chest quivered as I tried to breathe in enough to yell for someone.

"Help!" My voice cracked. No one heard me. I was alone on the second floor.

She wouldn't of done this if I would've just stayed put.

This is my fault.

This is all my fault.

__________

The sky was gray, it might rain again. Seemed right.

I sat still on the swing. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything.

The sky had a perfect representation of how I felt. Dark, gloomy, cloudy, about to rain or in my form cry.

I hadn't felt this bad since Mom. But why do I? I didn't really care for Nicky, yet I came to the same empty park I always do. How is it the one time she acts decent toward me I start to care. I can't take caring for everyone, it's too much. Nothing good comes out of caring for someone. In the end you just break your heart. I barely knew Nicky and her death has caused me so much pain. I don't feel like I can go through this again.

I sighed before getting off the swing to lay on the ground. Even sitting up seemed like too much.

I felt the grains of sand under my hand. Each one so insignificant.

"What do I do?" I asked. I wanted an answer but couldn't find one. No one was going to give me advice to get through this. No one was going to help.

It was as if everytime I got to close to someone, something comes along and ruins it.

"Is that it?" I questioned. "Do you just want me to be alone?" I looked up at the dark sky. Thunder sounded like a gunshot from the distance. "Every time. Every fucking time." My eyebrows furrowed. "Why do you want me to suffer?" I asked the sky, the universe. "What is it that you get out of this? Why do you want me to be alone and sad?" My voice started to raise. "Why the fuck is it that when I get too close, you break me?" I felt my eyes start to water. "I kiss Mark and you fucking kill someone? What would've happened if I loved him?" Lightning struck as I stood up. "Why do you want me to be alone forever? Why can't I be happy!" A few tears rolled down my cheeks. "What the fuck did I do to deserve this? I was only 5! Why did you take her! Why do you hate me!" I screamed as thunder crackled quickly bringing me to stop.

"What do I have to live for?" I looked at down at the sand.

"Please. Just strike me down." I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes waiting for something to happen. Lightning to strike, thunder to sound, rain to fall, anything.

I waited.

You don't get anything out of waiting, only out of doing.

I walked off of the patch of sand leaving my bag behind.

I'm ready to do something.

________

-Me