TO LOSE A PURE SOUL

chapter 11

Finally the door of the Elevator opened once it arrived at the floor where our apartment was. Me and my mom silently walked the corridor and arrived near our apartment door. As soon as I was inside I walked into my room and my mom went to the tiny kitchen to make us some food.

I had a quick wash and got changed into a baggy tshirt and a pair of shorts. By that time I could hear my mom calling me to come and have my food. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the food that my mom had prepared for me and herself. It was nothing different, it was always the same food we ate everyday. Sandwich. Bread was cheaper so my mom can afford it.

I put my sandwich on a plate and sit down on the couch. I liked that couch, It was old but it was still very comfortable. I eat my food slowly while staring at the wall, I see my mom staring at me from the corner of my eyes. I slowly turn towards her...then she speaks up and asks me with a broken smile, "Rosa, are you happy?"

I already knew the anwser to that question. I know I should be truthful but being truthful at this very moment won't change anything would it?! It won't bring back my dad or it won't give my mom a better job or a house or a better place to live in! But something inside my mind kept telling me that atleast if I tell her the truth it will help us understand eachother better.

I quickly push that thought away because I clearly don't want to tell the truth. It will only make my mom worry and that won't make things any better. I just wish my dad was here. If he was, then he would have taken care of everything. And my mom would have been happy, I would have been happy, things would have been better. We would have a nice home, just like Lauren or maybe own a yacht just like some kids in my school.

But that's all just a fantasy isn't it?! I can never be like that. This is reality and now all I can do is accept it. I smile at my mom and reply "yes mom, I'm happy because I have you." At that very moment all I had was my mom, even though she wasn't emotionally there for me but atleast she's there in my reality.

My mom stares at me for a few secounds. Then she walks over to where I was sitting and sits next to me as she gives me a hug and kisses me on the forehead. As I stay warm next to her chest I feel tears forming in my eyes. I know she feels like crying too because I could hear her heartbeat get slightly unsteady. She gently pulls away from me and takes my empty plate and slowly walks away trying her best to hide her face from me. I just sit there for a while as I try not to let the tears fall. It doesn't.

It was getting dark. I've been sitting there on the couch for sometime now. My mom was in her room. She must be crying or looking at old pictures of dad or maybe asleep. I didn't know.

I decide to go to my room as well. I slowly walk from where I was sitting towards my room. I open the door and lock it behind me. I stay with my back against the door for a while, I walk over to my bed in the darkness being careful not to knock over anything.

I get into my bed, it's warm and comfortable. The window of my room was open so I could see the moon and the moonlight gave a slight glow to my already dark room.

I stare at it for a while and think, "how many people might be staring at the moon at this very moment that I'm staring at it? What emotions might they be going through? Are they happy or sad? Do they stare at the moon because they miss someone?" I just wish I knew. I just wished that the moon would help us talk with someone somewhere else on this earth. Someone who is going through the same emotions that I'm going through right now so that they would understand. I just wanted someone to talk to. I felt so alone.

With that thought the tears I kept forcing myself not to let out went streaming from the corner of my eyes and onto my white pillow. I just wished this pain would go away. I have not done anything wrong to anyone, why does this happen?! Why should the good people always have to go through the most painful experiences than the bad people?!

It was late night now, around 12:20am. I felt so tired and my eyes slowly started closing. but still tears were streaming down my cheeks. I knew I had to go to school in the morning even though I liked it or not. So I closed my eyes and wept myself to sleep.