TO LOSE A PURE SOUL

chapter 13

-Ten years later-

Ten years later, i wouldn't say that there's been much difference in my life...Of course i was sixteen years old, a teen. Life until i was sixteen was just the same since i was six. Waking up reluctantly for school, being bullied at school, bearing all the hate comments from other students, coming home with mom, going to bed, sometimes in tears.

But i must say, this was a routine only until i was sixteen. Afterwards this is the age that changed me, and most of all the age which had a huge bend in my life...You may guess, what do you think? Good bend or bad? Or maybe a bit of both? Take a guess.

All my life until i was sixteen years old, yes i was bullied but i could bear it, i got immune to it. I would cry at first but then later i didn't, it was almost so normal to me. My routine. But this so called routine "changed".

Well, let me tell you how...

I woke up to the sound of my phone alarm, I've set it at 6:30am because i have to be at school at 8:00am. I switch off the alarm and stare at the ceiling of my slightly sunlit room. I sit on my bed and just stare at the entire room for a while. White walls, my tiny white colour study table, my bedside lamp and of course at my own bed, white sheets, white pillow. What's with white?! I keep my feet on the cold floor and walk towards my study table and take a look at the books on the table. White pages...I touch it and feel the smooth paper between my fingers. I slowly walk towards my window and stare at the sky, white clouds....Why am i seeing this all in particular today? Is it just me? White is....plain. Maybe thats what i am, maybe that's what my life is....plain. I shake off that thought from my head and think, it's just colours! It doesn't mean anything!

I take my towel and go into the shower. The cold water on me felt calming, it stings like tiny needles but it only hurts so much that I can bear. I prefer cold baths even on very cold days. The cold water just let's me know that I'm alive. I'm fighting, I'm alive.

I step out of the bath and walk towards the mirror. I look at myself. I still have the same brunette hair since i was six. I never cut it short or coloured it like most girls in my school did. I just grew it until it reached my hips. My eye colour has gone a bit darker than it used to be. My nose and cheeks had a slight pinkish look...Other than that i was pale. I looked cold hearted. I towel dryed my long black hair and got dressed for school. I grabed my backpack and walked out of my room and shut the door behind me.

As soon as i walked out i could smell food. As usual mom handed me my lunch and i put it in my backpack. She still works at the same restaurant, atleast her pay was increased. So, life is not that hard as it used to be when i was six. We walked out of our apartment and began our short walk towards school. The building in which our apartment was in, was repainted. But it didn't take away that dull look it had. I let out a sigh and kept walking.

My mom doesn't drop me to school like she usually did. I'm not a kid anymore. So she just walks with me and once my school is few meters ahead there's a road which leads to the restaurant where my mom works in, she goes straight to the restaurant and from there on i walk alone. Its the same when I'm going home after school. Sometimes i go to the restaurant and wait for her and then we would walk home together. But some other days mom works till late so i just walk home alone. She waved goodbye and i started​ walking towards school.

I could see that whitewashed building as usual. I still got no friends. I usually sit alone. In class, lunch and pretty much everything else. It's quite embarrassing you know. Everyone else is in groups chatting, laughing. Where as i just sit there staring at them. I would just doodle on my note book and pretend to be busy writing something. When actually, I'm just embarrassed. They would just act like I'm invisible and they've never even tried to be kind and invite me over to their group seeing that I'm all alone. I wouldn't want them to either. Because i fear them. They seem different. Not in a good way though. Different like, they don't feel. They don't feel sorry for people, they don't want to help, they don't care. They're all just in this imaginary competition with each other. To be better than the other.

I'm almost close to the school now. But, something catches my eye as i walk. It's a land.