RAIN DANCE

Three

The time in college turned out to be better than I’d anticipated. I saw Aidan almost everyday. Sometimes he had to go back to check on the progress at the restaurant. He was happy and I was happier because of that. We went home together. Mum adored him. Dad just sulked. I couldn’t help laughing at him.
“Hi,” I said as I went to join him on the couch. Aidan was helping mum and Lizzy in the kitchen.
“Finally, I get you alone.” dad said without looking at me. “I can’t even imagine what it’d be like if you two get married.”
Instinctively, I touched the ring hanging on my neck.
“I’ll always be your little girl.” I reminded him. I leaned on his shoulder and he patted my head.
“I know.” He said “It’s just that I didn’t expect you to be so in love.”
“You’d rather I never fall in love?” I asked looking at him as I spoke.
“No,” dad said. He was trying to keep the conversation as unemotional as possible.
“So you don’t like Aidan?” I asked hoping the answer wasn’t yes. What would I do if dad didn’t like the man I had chosen to share all my life with.
“I just don’t like the idea of entertaining the guy I’m going to lose you to.” His words were laced with sadness. I giggled quietly. I couldn’t help it.
“I’m really happy, dad.” I said as I sat up and looked at him.
“I can see that.” He said gruffly. I kissed his cheek and stood up. I wasn’t going to win him over. He’d warm up in his own time. I just had to be patient with him.
It wasn’t until Lizzy and I were alone in our bedroom with Aidan gone that she got all heavy on me. At first I was taken aback by what she was saying but she was serious so I listened and pondered her words after the lights were out and I was on my own with my thoughts.
“When do you plan on marrying Aidan? I mean, how long are you going to keep him waiting?” she had asked quietly. I was busy trying to discipline my hair for bed.
“What do you mean? I’m first year doing architecture, barely nineteen and since when are you advocate for marriages between young people?” I said with a laugh. I had stopped brushing my hair and I looked at her thoughtfully. There was earnestness to her words that I couldn’t ignore.
“I’m just saying you don’t have to wait forever.” She was playing with the corner of her blanket as she spoke. “It’s not like you’re not hundred percent sure you love this guy.”
“Forever.” I added softly with a smile. I stood up and went to sit by her side on her bed. Her speech had become a gravitating force to me.
“There’s more to this Lizzy. There’s something bothering you.” I said in more of a questioning tone. I was trying to urge her to just tell me what was on her mind.
“I was just hoping−” she paused. I didn’t try to push her. After a while she continued. “I just hoped you’d have your wedding while I’m in good shape.”
She didn’t have to continue. I knew where she was going with this. She was worried that she could die before she could be my maid of honour as we’d planned. It wasn’t an outrageous hope but I was just surprised that Lizzy could speak like that. She never seemed to notice the pending death threat hanging on her head. I wanted to reassure her but I knew that’s not what she wanted. She wanted me to grant her wish and fulfil our childhood fantasy and promise to each other. And now that I was irrevocably in love with Aidan how could I ignore her wish? I had met my soul mate. Just to conform to society’s rule of waiting a while longer before walking down the aisle, could I sacrifice my dream of having my sister as my maid of honour?
“I’m not looking for your pity or sympathy.” She said softly but sternly.
I shook my head. “Of course, feel pity for you? Me? Never.” I laughed sarcastically.
“Remember when we were kids and we’d plan our wedding days?” she laughed as she got lost in nostalgia. “Yours is going to happen. Mine, not so much.”
“Don’t say that; you’ll leave to a hundred.” I said quickly pushing aside her gloomy comment.
“No, health issues aside. I don’t think anyone can get me and love me completely like Aidan does with you.” She said trying to keep her voice even. She flashed me a weak smile.
“That’s rubbish and you know it. Between you and me I was most unlikely to find true love. That means your chances are way higher than mine.” I replied.
“Just saying, I looked forward to one other wedding other than my own and that’s yours.” She said this time she was looking at me.
“If you were in my shoes?” I asked without finishing the question.
“And I’d had met the love of my life? I’d marry him in a heartbeat. You guys are practically married. You spend all your time with or marvelling over him.” She paused. “I take that back. Marriage is overrated and horrible. You guys are perfect and happy.” She explained.
When the heaviness of her speech had passed she continued. “I applaud you for keeping pure,” she pronounced the last word with mockery. “He is so lucky to have you. He proposed because he wants you to be his main accessory. You’re his pride and joy. If he was another guy, he’d talk with great pride about his restaurant than about you. The guy’s eyes light up when he talks about you, for Pete’s sake.”
“Okay, enough with the heavy.” I said feeling overwhelmed by her words. I hadn’t forgotten what her initial point was. She was trying not to make this about herself. I could see right through her.
“One more point!” she squealed. I laughed at her enthusiasm.
“What? Is he paying you another carrot cake?” I asked as I remembered how Lizzy had sold me over to Aidan before for a carrot cake.
“I just want to add that I’m so jealous!” she growled with a smile. “You have no idea what I’d give to put you in a horrible puke-green dress with hideous flowers all over. Don’t blow your chance because when I get my chance Lady Gaga will have nothing on you.”
I had laughed and gotten in my bed to sleep having forgotten all about my hair. Lizzy had given me a lot to think about. If I hadn’t been so tired, I’d have stayed up all night thinking about it. But that didn’t stop me from dreaming about it. I was in an appalling green dress with reeds as a tiara and walking down the aisle. I walked up to my waiting groom. I couldn’t really see his face but I assumed it was Aidan. It wasn’t until I’d kissed him that I realised that it was Dylan. My eyes shot open and I had to catch my breath. It was a weird dream. The sun was beginning to rise that Sunday morning so I crept out of bed to go get a glass of water without switching on the lights.
Aidan and I left for school at around eleven in the morning but Lizzy insisted she needed a few more hours to be home before she joined us. I was still preoccupied with the talk that Lizzy and had had the previous night and Aidan could easily see that. I had my eyes out the window not really aware of my surroundings but just staring into space.
“You want to talk about it?” Aidan’s words pulled me back into the present.
“What?” I stuttered.
“You’re thinking really hard. I’m worried you’ll get an aneurism.” He chuckled. I debated internally for a few minutes wondering if I should tell him about the conversation Lizzy had had with me. I didn’t know how he felt about waiting to get married. The last we’d really spoken about it was on the night he’d proposed and that was months ago.
“Lizzy gave me a lot to think about last night.” I said not looking at him.
“What about?” he asked softly, I could tell he wasn’t trying to press the issue.
I looked at him and tried to figure out if I should tell him everything. I smiled at him.
“Our wedding.” I said. My eyes were on him. I wanted to see how he’d react to the words. He smiled a little then he was curious.
“What about our in-the-distant-future wedding?” he asked with a smile. He was definitely curious.
“Lizzy is going to be my maid of honour.” I began.
“Naturally,” Aidan said throwing me a glance that encouraged me to go on.
“But not entirely viable. She’s worried about her health.” I was looking out of the window again as I spoke. “I mean, I don’t want much for our wedding, I’m marrying you and Lizzy will be my maid of honour. It’s going to be the best day of my life. I mean that so much I’ll even consider Aunt Rach to be my wedding planner.”
Aidan laughed as I spoke.
“You can have whatever you want.” He said when he had stopped laughing but he kept smiling. “So, you want to get married soon?”
“I don’t know, this concerns you too.” He laughed at my words. I looked at him with the same curiosity he had looked at me with.
“Trust me; the only thing that concerns me is your happiness. So, I’ll ask again; do you want to get married soon?” he said. I rubbed my eyes and sighed.
“I don’t know. I’m too young. My parents will kill you.” I droned.
“Your mum loves me.” He pointed out smugly.
“And I’d like it to stay that way.” I muttered. I sighed again. He touched my hand and squeezed it. I looked at his white skin against my light brown hand and smiled. I always found something to object to when it came to taking the next step with Aidan. I loved him; that was not the question. I just needed to start showing everyone else just how strongly I felt about him. I owed him that much at least.
The year was winding down to an end and I’d be twenty. At least I wouldn’t be a teenager anymore. Aidan had waited long enough and hopefully Lizzy would be fine until then. I would give myself to him completely just before Christmas. We would go away for our honeymoon and be back before schools opened. I looked at him and smiled. The only big deal about this plan would be that I was marrying the guy I loved.
“I was thinking November twenty-four.” I said while I started working on supper. Aidan was standing right behind me with his hands around my waist. He enjoyed distracting me as I cooked.
He was quiet for a while.
“That’s like four months away.” He finally said. His breath grazed my ear and cheek. I smiled.
“And I’ll be twenty.” I added quickly. He kissed my neck and turned me around to face him. He was happy, I could see that.
“Are you sure?” he asked despite my smile.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I bit my lip worriedly as I thought about my parents. He smiled at my reaction.
“We can wait a few more years.” He said softly. I frowned. I loved him, did he not see that?
“What for?” I asked as I stepped away from him to take my frustrations out on the frozen meat. Aidan remained frozen where I’d left him. He wanted a clear view of my rationalising process, no doubt.
“I mean, Lizzy pointed out how much I love you. She even said if she were in my shoes she’d have gotten married ages ago. I have the world’s most amazing guy and I’m procrastinating. It’s not like I’m going to change my mind. I don’t want to wait anymore, do you?” I was breathing heavily when I was done with my speech. Aidan didn’t say a word so turned to see if I’d freaked him out with my outburst.
He was grinning, on the verge of laughing. He studied me like I had said something out of this world. I wanted to shout some more but looking into his eyes caused me to lose my train of thought.
“What?” I finally blurted out. That was what Aidan needed for him to roar with laughter. I loved it when he laughed. His laughter was the best sound in my world. Even though I knew he was laughing at me I couldn’t help smiling.
“You−” he said but couldn’t continue as he laughed. After a long while his laughing died down. “You and Lizzy are fascinating.” He said. The grin on his face showed that he wanted to laugh some more.
“You and Lizzy are like governing forces in my life. I just want you both at my wedding.” I said returning my attention to making dinner.
I was still recovering from the beauty of Aidan’s laugh when his hands slid around my waist. I closed my eyes trying to appreciate the emotions that were whirling within me. I dropped the knife and rested my head on his shoulder.
“You know what I look forward to about our wedding?” he murmured suggestively in my ear.
“The cake?” I giggled. I was impressed that I’d managed to speak when his presence was turning my insides into pudding.
“Yeah, definitely the cake.” He answered kissing my neck and holding me tighter. “I cannot wait to make it official so that the other guys can totally envy me.”
“Because of the cake.” I whispered. I felt Aidan laugh silently behind me.
Lizzy arrived just after we’d had supper. Aidan reluctantly left to give us a chance to discuss my new decision. It was as though she knew what I was going to say before I even opened my mouth. Aidan looked smug as he left. He was the one who sold me out. Or was it my stupid smile that was making it obvious that I was making her dream come true.
“Lizzy,” I was standing at her bedroom door.
“Yes darling sister?” she replied without looking at me.
“November twenty fourth.” I said with a smile. There was no point playing around. She knew what I was going to say.
“Seriously?” she asked as she span around to face me. Her face was lit up with undeniable joy.
I nodded, afraid that opening my mouth would cause me to scream.
“Then, it’s a good thing I stayed behind and fished this out.” She dug into her small travelling bag and pulled out an old colourful file. I recognised it immediately. The tacky wedding pictures from old magazines were tapped clumsily. Only jittery pre-teenage hands could have assembled that goofy file.
I grinned widely and moved quickly to where Lizzy stood offering the file to me.
“Oh, my gosh! No way!” I screamed in delight and shock. “Get out!”
“I know, hey?” She replied. Obviously her excitement had worn out.
“Where did you find this?” I screamed again. Somehow I could regulate the pitch of my voice. I sat on the bed and hugged the file. Lizzy was giggling now as I she watched me.
“It was in the old boxes buried in the garage. I spent all morning and afternoon looking for it.” She said as she sat next to me. “I thought you’d want to look at it before you plan your own.”
“Look at this dress. You remember when we cut it out from the magazine?” I ran my hand lightly over the picture on the first page.
“Yeah, you spent days obsessing about it. Mum thought you’d get married in a week.” Lizzy laughed as she flipped the page. “I wanted this one. I still do.” She said pointing on the opposite page.
“I know.” I sighed and hugged Lizzy with one hand. “We were so silly.”
“You were silly, it was just contagious.” Lizzy corrected with a smile.
“Thank you.” I whispered. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of this. I needed Lizzy there with me.
“You’re welcome.” Lizzy said. “When are you going to tell mum and dad?”
“I don’t know.” I sat up and took a deep breath. “Can’t you tell them for me?”
“What? And steal all the fun of watching dad’s head pop and making mum faint? No, I’m not that selfish.” Lizzy said as she flipped through the file.
We spent hours going through the file and laughing. I knew I really didn’t care about what the day would be like but I needed someone I trusted to plan it for me well. I slept with a frown when I realised that the only person I wanted to plan my wedding was Dylan’s mum. I had to tell Dylan about the wedding before I could ask his mum to plan it. And that was one huddle I wasn’t excited about. It was would be worse than telling my parents.
I spent the week trying to figure out how I was going to tell mum and dad about the engagement. I considered the divide and conquer technique but I knew something this big and important to me deserved a responsible approach. I wanted a nice wedding. Mum would want to be involved all the way, once she warmed up to the idea of her daughter getting married. A part of me knew that mum wouldn’t be the tough buyer. Dad already felt me slipping away from him and no matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise, he’d always think of Aidan as the guy who was stealing his daughter away from him.
So I knew I had to put on my adult cap. It was brand new, I’d only become legally an adult for nearly two years now and in those two years I’d never had to use it. As I drove home with Lizzy on the following Friday after school I was feeling sick. My physical body was dreading what my mental state was about to endure. I kept feeling faint like all the processing of information and simulation of waste case scenarios was about to make my brain overheat and melt out of my ears. I had to make conscious decisions to breathe as though the oxygen present in a normal breath wasn’t enough to sustain me anymore.
Lizzy was fascinated. Apparently, my hysteria was hilarious. It only got worse as we got into town and I nearly felt like heading back to school when we pulled into the driveway.
“Calm down, Chris.” Lizzy said as she unfastened her seatbelt. I kept mine fastened and my ironclad grip on it showed just how badly I wanted to stay in the car.
“Enjoy this because when it’s your turn I’ll laugh ten times more.” I said through stiff lips. It took me fifteen minutes to pull myself together. Lizzy was already in the house. It was my wild imagination of what she could be telling mum about out visit that got me rushing into the house.
“There you are,” mum said very cheerfully when I entered.
“Hi mum,” I said nervously.
“Are you cold? You’re practically shivering.” She said as she hugged me. She had mistaken my edginess with feeling cold. “I’ll make you a cup of tea.”
“Do you want a sandwich with that tea, Chris?” Lizzy asked with a smile. I couldn’t keep anything down and I suppose Lizzy thought she’d pull a joke out of that too.
“I’m going to go to our room for a second.” I ran to my room and closed the door. My legs could carry me no more. I slid down to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I hadn’t been down for two seconds when I heard the door open. I jumped to my feet almost as quickly as I could have jumped out of my skin.
“Relax, it’s just me. Mum sent me to check on you.” Lizzy said as she came in.
“I can’t do this. They’ll skin me alive.” I said in a hashed voice.
“Tell them how you feel. Take charge. If you sound like you’re scared out of your mind, they take it as a reason to think that they should be worried too.” Lizzy said as she dragged me out of the room. “Are you sure?” I asked. She nodded. I couldn’t remember a word of what she had said. I was too worried but I needed some reassurance so I took it from her nod.
“Hi, dad.” I said with a weak smile. He frowned at me… was I that transparent?
“What’s wrong with you?” dad asked as I sat down so that I was facing him. I played with my hands roughly. It hurt but not enough to take my mind off the issue at hand. I wanted to rip off the necklace hanging on my neck with my ring. It felt heavier than ten boulders.
“Nothing.” I got up and walked as casually as I could to the kitchen.
“Your tea’s almost ready.” Mum said as she poured the hot water into a cup.
“Thank you.”
“Are you sure you’re fine?” mum asked again. I could hear the worry in her voice.
I nodded.
“How’s Aidan?” she asked as she handed me the cup of tea.
“He’s fine. He’s coming over tomorrow.” I answered. My hands started shaking as I spoke. I didn’t look away from the shivering cup. I could feel mum’s eyes watching me. “I’m going to have my tea in our room. I’m just so tired.”
“Okay. Goodnight sweetheart.” Mum said as I left.
I passed through the bathroom and spilt out the tea. I couldn’t eat and I was sure I wasn’t going to sleep. I crawled into the bed and covered my head with a pillow. I could hear Lizzy making mum and dad laugh as she always did. But the noise wasn’t what kept me awake. I just lay in bed anxiously waiting for it to be morning. I took my phone and decided to send a message to Aidan.
I’m a mess. I can’t sleep. I’m so scared. I said
Don’t be. It’s going to be great. He replied
Speak for yourself. They can smell fear a mile away and I’m sure I’ve been stinking up the place ever since I got in.
You’re overreacting. Believe me. Just relax. Do you want me to call you? He asked
I can’t talk. I’m too nervous. I think I can survive one night of this. Goodnight. I love you
I love you. Goodnight.
   Sometime between when Lizzy came to sleep and when the sun finally came up, I fell asleep. I’d had better sleep on an air mattress. I dragged myself out of bed and went to get myself a cup of coffee out of habit. It wasn’t until I raised the cup to my mouth that I remembered that I had no appetite for anything, even a simple cup of coffee. I put the cup in the sink and decided to take a bath. I was the only one moving around in the house. It was just six in the morning on a Saturday. I took a short bath and put on my sweats. I grabbed Lizzy’s iPod – mine was at school were I’d left it in my jittery race to come home – and left the house. I planned on going for a jog to help with my nerves but I ended up just walking.
The sky was over cast but that didn’t stop me from walking for an hour and a half. I was wide awake with the loud rock music ringing in my head to drown away the horror that I was contemplating. After that hour and half, I turned and headed back for home. My walk didn’t stop my racing mind but it did wear out my body to the point of exhaustion. That coupled with lack of proper sleep the previous night, was exactly what I needed to get home and pass out on my bed. No one was awake when I got home so the house was quiet enough for me to drift of to sleep.
“Hey!” Lizzy shouted as she shook me.
“What!” I snapped. I was really enjoying my sleep to the point that I’d forgotten what day it was.
“Aidan’s here.” She whispered. It was hard not to notice the excitement in her voice. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Lizzy had a made some pop corn just for this event.
“He is?” I asked puzzled. It felt like I’d closed my eyes just for two seconds. “What time is it?”
“It’s just after eleven o’clock.” She had left my side and I was struggling to sit up. “And plug my iPod in so that it charges up.”
“Okay,” I replied as I went to the mirror. I rubbed my eyes and looked at my reflection. I needed another bath. Slowly, my functions were returning to me and I could hear Aidan’s voice. He was talking to mum. I walked to where the voices where coming from and stood by the entrance of the living room. Aidan looked at me and smiled. I smiled back.
“Good morning.” I said to mum and Aidan. “Where’s dad?”
“He’s coming out just now.” Mum answered.
I nodded “I’m going to take a quick shower” I said as I turned to leave them alone.
It turned out to be longer than a quick shower. I took my time and for the first time since I’d set the wedding date, I felt calm. I wasn’t panicked. I guess, I’d worn myself out and I couldn’t wait for the day to be over. I even considered just blurting it out without wasting time. I smiled at my reflection before I left our bedroom and went to join everyone outside. The clouds had cleared and there was a little bit of sunshine.
Everyone was laughing when I arrived and took a seat next to Aidan.
“What did I miss?” I asked not wanting to be left out.
“Nothing major.” Lizzy answered with a smile.
“I hate to ask,” mum began in her prying voice “but you guys were here just last weekend. And believe me I’m not complaining, I just wonder if there’s something behind this visit.”
I cleared my voice to speak but before I could say a word Aidan was talking.
“Your instincts are right, as always.” He smiled his charming smile at mum. Dad’s worried lines spread across his forehead. “We, Chris and I, wanted to ask you for something important.”
“I told you she was pregnant!” dad shouted all of a sudden. If I hadn’t been frozen with fear, I’d have laughed as hard as Lizzy.
“Dad, NO!” I hissed. “I’m not pregnant.”
“See Mike, you were wrong.” Mum said a triumphant smile spreading on her face. “Continue, Aidan.” She encouraged. I wondered if what the real news was would wipe the smirk off her face or if she was expecting it.
Aidan was smiling. Was I the only one too petrified to find the humour in dad’s wrong assumption?
“While I was away from Chris for months I realised just how important she was to me. She is the most amazing girl I know and I don’t know how to show you how grateful I am for her.” As he spoke, I could see him getting lost in his words. It was like he’d forgotten about our small audience. Dad cleared his throat. “I know that it was disrespectful of me, but I asked her to marry me as soon as I got back.” I studied dad’s worry lines turn into shock. And mum looked like she wasn’t breathing. “She said yes, but we decided to hold off the celebrations until you had gotten a chance to know me and we were well acquainted enough for you to give us your blessing.”
Dad was looking at me. He wasn’t pleased with what he’d heard but I’m sure he was relieved that I wasn’t pregnant. Mum’s jaw had dropped and she looked at Aidan.
“What’s the hurry?” dad asked
“I wanted to wait for a few more years,” I said and dad shifted his burning glare to Aidan. “But I realised that there’s no point waiting. I will always want Aidan and I’ll always have him. The only thing I’m not fully guaranteed is all of us there.” I was looking at Lizzy as I finished talking.
Mum was smiling now.
“We just hoped you’d give us your blessing to make this truly official and complete.” Aidan added
“And you have it,” Mum said softly. I could see the excitement in her eyes. I looked at dad.
“Dad,” I whispered, there was a plea in my voice.
“Are you going to finish school?” he asked still glaring at Aidan
“Yes, definitely.” I said
“I’m guessing Lizzy put you up to this.” Dad asked. Lizzy giggled.
“I might have given her some incentive.” Lizzy admitted “We all see it, don’t we? They’re amazing together. The only thing left to do when people are in love like they are is to get married.”
“Thank you, Dr Phil.” I muttered embarrassed.
“So what’s that date?” mum asked
“Twenty-fourth of November,” I said
“We haven’t planned anything else.” Aidan added.
“Of course,” mum said as she got up to hug me. “We have to have an engagement party first.”
“Mum, I’m at school!” I protested.
“Don’t worry about anything; I’ll take care of it. I’ll talk to Dylan’s mum.”
Dad got up and went to get a beer. I knew he’d be tough but I didn’t expect him to be so civil, not that I was complaining. The rest of the day went by quite well. Aidan was officially soon to be my husband. Mum insisted that I wear the ring. I didn’t want to but I was afraid to hurt his feelings. Once it rested on my finger, the ring felt almost like it belonged there. I had to beg my mum to wait before talking to Dylan’s mum before I had spoken to Dylan first. She agreed, reluctantly, so had a few days to notify Dylan.