RAIN DANCE

Five

Sleeping was the hardest thing I had to do. I felt ridiculous. I mean, it wasn’t like Aidan had given me a reason to think that he’d leave me if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But as I lay in his arms I feared closing my eyes.
“You can close your eyes.” He whispered.
“I’m not tired.” I pouted. I was tired but, as I pointed out, I just couldn’t risk opening my eyes and finding him gone. I don’t think I’d have survived him leaving, at least so soon anyway.
“What do you want me do for you to sleep?” there was a bit of pleading in his voice. I felt almost guilty… almost but not entirely.
“I’m fine. I just…” I paused. I didn’t want to sound like an insecure idiot so I stopped talking.
“I’m not going to leave.” He whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and inhaled that smell I loved most in the world. “I’ll be here until you send me away, but till then I’m going to make it up to you.” He vowed. I took his hand that was resting on my tummy and kissed it lightly.
I guess staying awake all night was not an option my body had. I had work in the morning and Aidan wasn’t going to keep me awake because I was afraid to find him gone. He decided to talk to me to put me to sleep. His voice was hypnotizing when he murmured. I was no match and eventually I was asleep.
When my alarm went off, he was the one who switched it off. I had a smile on my face before I opened my eyes. He kissed me lightly and I slipped into the warm embrace of his arms. I hadn’t slept that well since the night he had come over.
“I told you I’d be here.” He said softly. I laughed at myself for having the stupid fears. I looked into his smiling eyes.
“Good morning.” I said as I hid my face on his chest. We stayed like that, in silence, for a while before I started getting out of bed.
“Where are you going?” he protested. He took hold of my hand desperately and pulled me back.
“I have work.” I groaned, letting him pull me back in bed. He caught me and trapped me in his arms.
“Do you have to go?” he whined. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. Before he could trap me again, I jumped up and out of bed.
I took a quick bath and got dressed. I found him in the kitchen. Before he was aware of my presence, I leaned on the door and watched him as he made breakfast. He moved with such lethal precision, I wondered how I couldn’t have noticed how gracefully and efficient his every movement was. It was like he only moved to use the exact amount of energy to do a task, nothing more. He moved like a dream; maybe that’s all he’d ever be to me…dreamlike.
“You shouldn’t have dressed that way.” He said when he finally lifted his head and noticed me watching him.
I smiled and walked up to him. I could kiss him and no worry about my morning breath. “Dressed what way?” I asked him as I stepped into his open arms. I couldn’t tell if he was warm from the heat from the stove or I was suddenly sensitive to his touch.
“Like this.” He whispered, bending down to kiss my bare shoulder. I held my breath as he continued to talk, “I might just decide to kidnap you.” He said.
My body stiffened and I my heart broke off into a sprint. Aidan shot a worried glance at me.
“I’m sorry that was a tasteless and thoughtless joke.” Aidan apologized. I burst out into fits of laughter. His response to my laughter made me laugh even more. I stood on my toes and kissed him when I finally got control of myself.
“Believe me, you have it all wrong.” I said with a grin. “I would like nothing more.”
Aidan shook his head and took my hand. He led me to the table and pulled out my chair for me. I felt like a Princess, a much loved Princess. The breakfast was sublime, I couldn’t help wonder if there was truly an end to his breath-taking skills. Throughout this meal we watched each other. He spoke and all I did was smile. I couldn’t produce a coherent statement when he watched me like that.
He drove me to work and if it wasn’t for my fear of Claire, I’d have spent all morning saying good-bye to Aidan. Working was harder than usual. I couldn’t stop grinning and getting lost in day dreaming. Most people kept asking what I had had for breakfast but every time I tried to speak, the words failed me. I didn’t have to worry about being bugged, at least being bugged by anyone but Aidan. I was on cloud nine.
I left work eagerly. I couldn’t have reached the front door quick enough. But even as I had spent the day thinking about Aidan the whole time, nothing could have prepared me when I saw him waiting for me outside. He had a smile on his face. I felt like I was floating on air. I couldn’t help grinning as I walked towards him. I stepped into the safety of his arms and exhaled slowly before I took in his amazing odor.
“Long day?” he asked still holding me.
“You have no idea.” I groaned. I almost complained when he finally let me go. He kept my hand in his as we walked to the car.
“Let’s go get something to eat. You like that?” he asked. I must have been glowing because people couldn’t stop staring at me. I nodded at him and hid behind his arm.
I wasn’t paying attention to the road as he drove us to a cute restaurant I’d never paid much attention to. I had the best time ever and I’m not talking about the food. Having him there was absolutely great. He couldn’t keep his eyes off me while I couldn’t stop smiling; would that routine ever get old?
We left the restaurant and headed to Chrisadam for desert. Rose was happy to see me; I had been away for long. Now, that I had Aidan by my side I was just happier than I had ever imagined. Chrisadam looked more beautiful with Aidan walking around. We didn’t stay in the parlor as I’d thought we’d do instead, we went to his apartment.
It wasn’t until I had sat on the bed that he crawled up beside me. We dug into the ice cream he’d carried from downstairs.
“I got you something.” He said after we were done eating. I looked at him suspiciously.
“Stolen?” I chuckled.
“Yeah, it’s that necklace you were admiring on that jeweler’s window.” He grinned as he sat down again next to me. I smiled back at him. If I kept this up, the smile would become a permanent fixture on my face and I had no complaints about that.
“It’s a new phone.” I said uncertainly as I looked at what he had put in my hand.
“Wrong.” He said studying my face. “It’s your new phone.”
“Is it bugged?” I asked. He glowered at me mockingly. “Thank you.” I said still with uncertainty
“I thought you’d want a fresh start.” He said touching my face lightly. I looked at him and nodded.
“What happened to my phone?” I asked as I let him show me the functions on the new phone.
“They kind of broke it. I managed to save your old number though.” He said softly.
“Thank you, but you didn’t have to.” I said as I dialed Lizzy’s number.
“You don’t understand the conditions of making it up to someone, do you?” he said as he kissed my cheek. “It means I keep you happy, any way possible.”
I spoke to Lizzy and comforted her as best as I could. She was devastated about Ty. I also had to call mom. She wasn’t as panicked as I had imagined. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that I’d called dad from work in the afternoon. If it wasn’t for Aidan’s present, I’d have thought about no one but him. Finally, I thought about calling Dylan but I decided against it. I had to see him in person.
“Call him.” Aidan insisted. I raised an eyebrow at him. “What? That means you won’t have to go see him.” he reasoned with me.
“I just need to see him. I promised I would.” I explained remembering what I’d told him before I’d gone to the party.
“I don’t like that guy.” Aidan confessed unnecessarily. I already knew that Dylan didn’t make his list of favorite people in my life.
“You’re the one who told me to make amends.” I reminded him.
“I know.” He mumbled as he pulled me into his arms and sighed. “Doesn’t mean I don’t regret it?”
“You can come too.” I suggested as I sunk into his warmth.
“Maybe I will.” He said pensively. I giggled at his words.
We stayed like that for a while. I was beginning to find his arms to be the best place in the world. He took me home and, to my surprise, he stayed the night. I woke up with a smile on my face the following morning. He had brought me breakfast in bed. I was getting spoilt and I loved every second of it. I couldn’t imagine having my life any differently.
I went to work; my smile was better managed than the previous day. Dylan had agreed to meet me for lunch. Aidan had something to take care of and I didn’t object. I needed to see how Dylan would react to finding out that Aidan was back before I shoved the whole existence of Aidan in his face. We met in the park. This was a bigger deal than I’d let myself believe. I was so nervous that I couldn’t take a bite of my food. It was a good thing he was late. That gave me a few minutes to get a grip of myself.
“Hey!” he said with a smile as he sat down next to me.
“Hi.” I said nervously.
“You’re missing something.” He said wistfully.
“What?” I asked with worry. Was I so transparent? How much had he read into my jitters?
“That grey cloud you’ve been carrying around.” He said with a smile. Even ridden with nerves, I was clearly a different person since Aidan had come back. “You were supposed to come see me on Sunday.”
“Oh, yeah. I got caught up.” I said as I took a bite of my food only to remember I couldn’t swallow it. “I’m sorry.” I apologized with genuine remorse.
“No harm done.” He said, “Just thought you’d call me at least.”
“My phone got messed up.” I explained vaguely. He didn’t need the specifics. “But we’re here now.”
“No, I’m here now. You,” he paused “you’re miles away.”
I couldn’t refute that. I was happy, I’d been unwaveringly happy since Aidan had come back but at that moment I was nervous. It was taking all of my will-power to stop myself from shaking. But I couldn’t stop the nervous tapping of my foot.
“I have to go back to school. I just really wanted to see you.” Dylan said. I nodded and got up. We walked in silence for a while. I had to tell him before he went back to school.
“How’s your mom?” I asked to break the ice.
“Great. She wants you to come over for supper some time.” He said with a smile.
“I’ll make a note of that.” I said as I tried to smile back.
“Do you want me to guess what’s on your mind?” he asked mockingly. I took a deep breath. I had to say it. No amount of pretending would make it less real.
“Aidan’s back.” I said quietly.
“That explains the huge smile on your face.” There was no more cheerfulness in his voice. My smile came at the cost of his.
“Yeah, since this weekend.” I said almost inaudible. How many times did I have to stab him in one year?
“When is he leaving?” he asked with hostility in his tone.
“Never.” I said, hurt by the idea of his words. “He’s never leaving me.”
He let out one loud scornful laugh. “Aren’t you tired of that lie? How many times does he have to let you down before you realize what a jerk he is?”
“Dylan, please.” I said softly. I would not fight with him again no matter which buttons of mine he pushed. “I just wanted you to know.” I exhaled loudly. “Is this going to ruin our relationship?”
“You tell me.” he said harshly “Do I go back to the sidelines until he leaves?”
“No,” I breathed. His words were packing a punch. “If it’s not too much to ask, I never want us to fall apart.”
He didn’t say a word as we walked. The look on his face told me not to speak either. I had no right to plead. I was asking him for too much. Investing in a relationship that would never return his interests? That was a tall order even someone as selfish as me could see that.
Finally he sighed.
“I have to go to school.” He said gruffly. 
“Will I see you soon?” I asked hopelessly. “Maybe for that dinner?”
“I’ll call you.” With that he turned abruptly and walked away.
Suddenly my sunshine was gone. I couldn’t understand why life was so complicated. Maybe it was only complicated for me. The girl who’d walked out for lunch was definitely not the same girl who came back. It was only when I saw Aidan waiting for me after work that I managed to smile. It was a bit weaker than usual but it was more genuine than the smiles I’d pulled on when he wasn’t around.
“What’s wrong?” he asked after he had hugged me.
“I had lunch with Dylan.” I said as we walked to his car. “I didn’t think it was possible but he hates you more than he did before. Probably hates me too.’
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Aidan said as he started the drive to my apartment. I knew he wasn’t sorry Dylan hated him but he was sorry I was taking it so hard.
“No, you’re not.” I said with a humorless laugh.
“Maybe not but he’s making it hard for me to keep you happy.” He said touching my cheek. My face leaned on his hand as reflex to keep his touch on my skin longer.
“I’m sure he’ll come round.” I said to myself. Aidan didn’t say anything regarding my wish. He was probably hoping for the opposite.
I made supper. This time he was a bit more hands on. He tried to help but ended up distracting me more than helping me. I was up in stitches by the time we were done making supper. He was so amazing. I just couldn’t help being happy when he was around. I was more in love with him with each minute and I was so sure my heart would burst with each day. Falling asleep in his arms and waking up with him next to me was like a never ending dream.
Yes, dream. That was exactly how it felt being with Aidan. The way he had me laughing and smiling was unbelievable. I couldn’t imagine happiness greater than that. My rain dance was worth it. I was dancing in the rain and I’d never stop. Dancing had become a part of me. I would dance to keep Aidan in my life forever if I had to. But it felt more like I was dancing because of Aidan and not for him.
Days passed and nothing could change my mood. The fear of him leaving was gone and it was replaced by joy and faith in our relationship. Mom noticed the glow too when I went home to pick up the diaries. Aidan had insisted on having a look at them. I thought it was unnecessary; I had spent every minute I could with him so that meant I’d told him pretty much everything.
“You’re so happy.” Lizzy said one afternoon when we were having lunch. It was the first day I’d spent so much time away from Aidan.
“Yeah, happy my patience paid off.” I said with a laugh.
“I’m happy for you.” She said seriously.
“I just hope it lasts, you know.” I said thoughtfully.
“If it doesn’t and he breaks your heart,” I couldn’t help frowning at that pending possibility. “I said if he breaks your heart, I’ll break him.” she said. I just smiled at my sister. She always had my back.
Days since he had returned turned into weeks. I couldn’t believe just how perfect each sunrise had turned for me and how glorious each sunset seemed to be. I introduced him to my lovebirds. We’d sit on my balcony and watch them together almost every evening. And that sad ritual had unexpectedly turned into a fulfilling habit with Aidan by my side.
“You’re behaving funny.” I said one Thursday evening. He didn’t look at me so I knew that I was right. “Why?”
“I’m not.” He said defensively. He picked up my hand and kissed it without looking at me. He arose from the couch.
“Try dropping the tone and not acting so defensive and I might actually buy it.” I said blocking his trip to the kitchen. “You want to try that again?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said guiltily. I touched his neck and laughed.
“You see,” I said trying to get him to look at me. “You’re doing it all wrong. If you’re going to lie, you might as well do it better.”
He kissed my forehead, smiled and pushed past me. I followed after him determined to get to the bottom of his odd behavior.
“I want to open a restaurant.” He said as he scrapped the plates. “Fancy food and all.”
“Good divergence.” I said as I washed the dishes. “But seriously? Open a restaurant?”
“Yeah. I’ve been flirting with the idea for a while now.” He said keeping his eyes away from mine.
“I really want to say that the only flirting you should do is with me but starting a restaurant is brilliant. Cool in fact.” I said placing the last dish on the rack.
I let him drown me in his plans for the restaurant. I couldn’t help be proud of him. His ambition was admirable. When he’d exhausted his explanation, I kept quiet. By then we were in each other’s arms on the couch pretending to watch television.
“Aidan,” I whispered. “You haven’t taken my mind off your strange behavior. What are you keeping from me?”
“It’s nothing.” He said pretending to concentrate on the show on television. My mind started racing.
“Is Andrew still after you?” he remained quiet after I spoke. “Is that it?”
I sat up, panic rising within me.
“No,” he said pulling me back into his arms. “Where did you get that idea?”
“Are you leaving?” I asked. Each new idea was causing more panic than the last. I heard him chuckle softly.
“Please stop guessing.” He said softly “You’re way off base.”
“Then what is it?” I moaned. His hands were rubbing my arms, trying to calm me down.
“You’ll freak out. It’s nothing. I just can’t stop thinking about it.” I could detect something in his voice but my wild ideas had thrown me off.
“Try me.” I urged him.
He was quiet for a while. My heart was pounding, I’m sure he could feel it and my breathing became irregular. Whatever was on his mind was huge.
“Aidan?” I said calmly as I could. The suspense would probably kill me more than what he had to say.
“In your journals…” he started but stopped. He sighed. “Reading your journals was amazing. It was unbelievable. You love me more than I deserve.” He swallowed hard and loud. I was too uneasy to face him as he continued, “I want to love you the best I can forever. I want to give you all you deserve and more. I can never repay you for the love you have shown me but I’d love to try, for the rest of my life.”
By then I was having trouble breathing. It wasn’t the lack of air or the racing of my heart that bothered me. It was having him talk about the way I felt about him like it was comprehendible and repayable. Most importantly, my love, even though it felt more than love, for him was free, vast and beyond imagination. If I loved him to the point of guilt then there definitely was a problem.
I was too confused to speak.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he paused and I held my breath. “Will you be my wife?”
My body tensed up and I shot out of his arms. I was washed in a wave of shock. Not the usual bad shock. I was relieved that he had proven my suspicions wrong, but this? This was on a whole new level for me.
I opened my mouth. I had to breathe because I was going to pass out. I felt his hand reach out to my shoulder. He didn’t pull me back. He just touched my arm as a reminder that he was still there waiting for me to answer his absurd question…request.
“What?” I asked, almost spitting out the word. If I hadn’t used such force the word wouldn’t have come out at all.
“I want to know if you’ll be my wife. If you’ll marry me.” he rephrased.
I turned around to face him. The shock was written all over my face. “You do realize that the color of my skin hasn’t changed since we started going out?” I asked as a half-serious joke.
His hand moved from my arm to my caramel cheek. He tried to smile but disbelief was killing his attempt.
“You’re not hesitating because I’m a thief but because of our races?” he almost laughed but the serious expression I had on my face stopped him. “You never seemed to mind all along.”
“I don’t.” I began to say before the words were out of his mouth. “But I can’t pretend like I don’t live in this world.” I paused to breathe again. I took his white hand into the two of mine. “People have been studying the way I talk and act and trying to figure out why it doesn’t match their expectations. You and I, together,” I sighed “It’s just not that easy to ignore. This is the world we live in, where we’re judged by unimportant things like race and class and” I stopped to laugh. “And occupation. I’m sorry for hesitating but I just couldn’t help it.”
He looked into my eyes and smiled, not a happy smile but a smile all the same. I kissed his hand before he leaned over and paused inches from my face. I was alert like I was swimming in a pool filled with sharks. One wrong move and I’d lose my head. But with his face so close to mine, I just wanted one thing.
And then it came. His lips brushed lightly against mine and then I was the one carrying the kissing further. I pulled him to me and his arms wrapped around my body. Just as always the world ceased to be. All that was left, all that mattered, was me and him. Us… His white skin against my light brown skin. His white hands grabbed my full head of long, thick hair holding my head to his. 
He slowly disentangled from my grip, forcing my eyes open. I looked into his warm, light eyes. He kissed me again, this time briefly.
“Can’t this be enough? Can’t this be greater than all the other things the world declares?” his eyes were burning through brown eyes and into my soul and everything fell into perspective. “What do you want?”
The words that came out of my mouth felt only natural; “You. I want you.”
“Then will you give me the answer that will make me the happiest man on earth?” he asked softly. His breath danced warmly on my face. “I’m not saying today or next year. I will wait for you to set the date just as patiently as you waited for me. Just promise me you’ll always be mine.”
“Yes,” I whispered. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet coming from my mouth. The way his eyes lit up at that moment and the smile that spread on his face made it so much easier for me to say it again loudly and boldly. “Yes.”
“Thank you.” He said as he hugged me tightly. “Thank you so much.”
I couldn’t respond. This was the best commitment I’d given myself to. Nothing could stop me from dancing again especially now that I knew that Aidan would be dancing with me.
“I have something that is traditionally used to seal the deal.” He said reaching into his pocket. He took out a small box and handed it to me. I couldn’t believe just how much my hands were shaking as I tried to open it. He had to help me because at the rate I was going he’d have to wait forever for me to do it myself.
My head was spinning as I looked at the beautiful silver ring inside. It was indescribable. No words could ever do it justice. It was platinum with sparkling diamonds on it which cast little rainbows in the light. There was a little chain with it. I frowned as I pulled the chain out.
“Don’t know if you want to wear it but I thought maybe you could hold off on that until I met your parents and asked for their blessing.” He said as he opened the chain and slipped the ring in. He put the chain around my neck and fastened the back. “A bit weird for someone with an immoral occupation as a thief, hey?”
I let out a small laugh. The butterflies dancing in my tummy were too violent for me do more than that or I’d have puked.
“I love you.” I said as I hugged him. “Always.”
“I love you, always and forever.” He vowed.
So was that the rain I had been waiting for? It felt nothing like I had expected. It was a million times more mind-blowing. Could anything feel better than this? Was the rain dance finally over and were the gods rewarding me for my tenacity. I could only think of one thing as I lay in his arms; the rain did not symbolize the end. It simply marked the beginning…