come back to me? || a jiley fan fiction

eleven.

i walk up to james and hugged him, "i'm so sorry i'm so stupid please don't hate me!" i cried into his shoulder but he just picked me up and carried me somewhere, well he said bye to jake first then carried me somewhere. but my face was buried in his shoulder so i didn't know where he was taking me. i suddenly feel him lying me down on a bed and i just look up at him. he looks disappointed and i feel bad.

"so do you wanna tell me what happened or do i even want to know?" he asked trying to stay calm.

"i didn't do anything that bad, honest," i bit my lip, "j-jake just wanted me t-to let loose and get d-drunk but please don't hate me i wasn't thinking and it was only a little kiss!" i explained and james just nodded like he understood.

"emily is coming over today. i'm gonna take out court and rae so you guys can have some alone time," he said.

"okay thanks," i bit my lip.

"you know i love you right?"

"yeah i know, and i love you too."

"good."

he leaned down giving me a kiss then left me alone for a little bit. some time has passed and then emily walked in giving me a hug.

"tell me everything that's wrong, no excuses," she stated firmly so i explained everything except for the topic i've been dreading to talk to anyone about, "now wanna tell me what you're hiding?"

damn she's good.

"d-do i have to? i-i'm just not comfortable with talking about it," i looked down.

"yeah you have to riley," she said in her firm tone again.

"w-well i just feel like i'm not worth i-it and i guess i haven't b-been eating much lately and i-i-uh sort or c-cut myself but don't tell james, please he would hate me even more!" i explained quickly and she gave me a sad look.

"of course i have to tell james, but just worry about telling me the whole thing," she said calmly and i sighed.

"ever since ross cheated on me, i just felt worthless you know? and don't worry i have been eating, james always makes sure i do. i just thought that since i was ugly and not worth it then why just stand around and do nothing? be another human that works, comes home, cooks, puts kids to bed then goes to sleep? i just can't handle all of this em, my heart is broken and i thought james could pick up the pieces but i just don't know," i wipe away a tear and sniffle, "just cutting myself took the stress away...it makes me feel better."

she sighed and rolled up my sleeve while i bit my lip. she examined my arm and i could see her starting to tear up, "ri don't do this to yourself. i know you feel horrible but this isn't the way to go. cut your hair, change your look, get drunk every other night, just don't do this please," emily began crying then i pulled her into a hug.

"i'll try not to em," i said quietly, "how about we go watch a movie? we can watch beauty and the beast? that movie always makes us happy?" i suggesting while smiling and she just smiled back.

"okay," she replied then we went to the theatre room to watch our favourite movie...

-

<emily>
after the movie, james and the girls came home. raelynn went up to her room while courtney went with riley. i decided to take this time to talk to james.

"we need a plan james," i stated starting to feel sad again. i hate how my baby sister is feeling like this.

"why, what's wrong?" he asked getting worried.

"s-she's hurting herself because she feels worthless and ugly and a bunch of other stuff, but we need a plan," i stated again trying to hold back my tears.

he looked like he was about to cry, "l-like what?"

"maybe i could take the kids for a week and you guys could spend time alone..? y-you could show her how much you love her?" i suggested and his face lit up.

"exactly! thank you emily! i need to book two plane tickets! you are welcome to stay here," he said excitedly running upstairs and i just rolled my eyes.

<back to riley>
"and then daddy took us to target!" courtney explained excitedly while she showed me everything james got her. court always made me happy, no matter what. with her, all my problems went away.

"that's amazing sweetie i'm glad you had fun," i said while standing up, with court in my arms, "how about we get you to bed?" i asked her and she yawned in reply, i giggled and carried her upstairs.

i gently laid her down on her bed and she opened her eyes, "can you tell be a bedtime story?"

"sure sweetie," i chuckle and sit beside her, "once upon a time there was a princess, her name was courtney," court giggled, "she was the prettiest girl in the kingdom and everyone loved her! especially one certain person. a townsperson named brice was in love with courtney. he would do anything to get her attention but she just wouldn't notice. until one day, there was going to be a big ball. courtney had invited everyone to come! it was going to be amazing. brice showed up, in his best clothes and went in search for the princess. once he finally found her they both started talking and became friends, then they decided to dance and once they looked into each other's eyes it didn't matter how young they were. they knew they were meant to be together forever, after a few years they got married and lived happily ever after. the end," i said smiling and court had a serious face, "what honey?"

"mommy? is it bad that i love brice?" she asked nervously.

"of course not sweetheart," i moved her bangs out of her eyes.

"no i mean love brice the way that you love daddy?" she asked and my eyes widened. although i knew the whole time that she liked him, she could tell i loved james a lot? what concerns me is that she didn't say the way that james loves me, does that mean he doesn't love me?

"of course it's alright court. you can love whoever you want, as long as you know it's meant to be," i said kissing her forehead, "goodnight."

i left her room and closed the door, then i quickly ran into my room, then my bathroom and closed the door. i took over my sweater then looked at myself. i was so fat...no wonder why james doesn't love me, how could he love someone that's so big!

i gently opened the bathroom cabinet and pulled out a razor. i started at it for a minute then took a deep breath, i lifted my arm and made a couple of small cuts on my wrist. trying to be as quiet as possible...until...

"riley? let me in!" james said quietly yet urgently. i cleaned up everything and threw my sweatshirt on and opened the door.

"y-yeah?" i ask nervously looking into his eyes.

"please don't tell me you did it again?" he sighed and i nodded, he then pulled me into a hug.

i started crying into his shoulder, i couldn't take it. i wasn't good enough for him, he doesnt love me, why is he taking care of me? "j-james?"

"yeah riles?"

"i-i'm sorry."

"for what? you didn't do anything?"

"i'm sorry that you had to fall in love with me, you deserve better and i'm just holding you back."

"i didn't have to fall in love with you, i wanted to. you changed me, i used to be a player, until i met you. you make me happier, you make me a better person. i can't stand seeing my baby all hurt and upset over nothing. you're worth it. your more valuable then any item in the world, you mean more to me then anything. i'm in love with you because you are the person made for me riley. you are the most beautiful person i've ever met, and whoever put these ideas in your head is stupid, you're worth it, you're in shape, you're beautiful and you are valuable. don't underestimate my love you you mrs smiley riley, because i love you from the moon and back, and then some. so stop what you're doing and stop what your thinking and just know that i'm in love with you."

i felt more tears form in my eyes, but happy ones. i love this man. we have both been through so much but i'll always be in love with him. he's my special person.

"now pack your bags because, we're going to miami baby," he stated and i giggled. i jumped onto him pulling him into another hug. i thanked him a billion times then went to pack.

~~~~
happy happy :)
- lovinqbritt