bear // phan - book one

chapter eight

*WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY SELF HARM IN ANY WAY! STAY SAFE!*

dan
only one cut, right? what harm could it do?

i dig through the medicine cabinet, finding the familiar blade that i took off of a pencil sharpener.

just one.

"bear! where have y-you been?! i've been looking everywhere for you!"

i want more.

"phil, i was only in the café."

two.

"oh my goodness, i-i thought i lost you!"

i shake my head violently, digging into my skin for the third time.

"sweetheart, never."

four.

"i will n-never leave you either" he smiled, "i love you, bear!"

he left. five.

"i know—"

i believed him. six.

"dear future bear, if i ever leave you, you p-probably did something really stupid and i o-overreacted! i'll be home soon! xx," phil joked, and i laughed.

i stopped. i stared down at the blade deep in my skin, my lips parted as my blood slowly dropped out of my arms.

"you are lovely, phil," i responded, "please remember that."

snap out of it, you twat!

i blinked.

bear, get up!

i blinked again, and i slowly found myself back in reality.

i glanced at my right arm. my left hand was hovering over it with a pencil sharpener blade present.

fight it.

i felt my heart quicken, and my ears connected with my brain.

"bear, please! stand up!" i heard phil yell from the opposite side of the door.

tears flowed down my face.

"p-phil..." i whispered.

"stand up, baby. unlock the door."

i looked up at the door knob, nodding slowly.

i dropped the blade on the floor, raising my arm to unlock the door slowly.

the door clicked, and i heard phil whispering.

"there you go, baby." i could his relief. "just scoot away from the door, be careful."

i slowly scooted away from the door to bath.

"i'm going to open the door now."

the door opened slowly, phil stepping in.

he examined the floor, his eyes caught the blade.

he ran to me quickly, engulfing me in a hug.

"are you hurt?"

i cried.

"bear, it's okay."

i wrapped my arms around him, and he pulled me into his lap.

"i'm so sorry," he whispered into my hair.

i forgive him.