It's Not Perfect, It's Love - Prinxiety

Grab Your Tissues Now

~Anxiety's POV~

I lay with Prince, enjoying myself. I feel calm...

Me being me, that obviously doesn't last very long. My head is filled with depressing thoughts, even though I had been relatively good recently.

I had managed not to panic(too much) when I was sleep summoned but now all I can think about are those goddamned pills.

I look down and notice that Princey has fallen asleep. He must have worn himself out while looking for me...

Good. He doesn't need to see what I'm about to do.

I slide out of Prince's embrace pretty easily. He's quite a heavy sleeper. Actually they all are, Prince, Logic, Morality, even Thomas. Im the odd one out. I know from the many times I've roamed around the mind alone because it's midnight and I'm the only one who can't sleep.

I carefully make my way into the bathroom, these thoughts pounding in my head.

You're a disgrace. You can't do a thing right. There's a reason why nobody likes you. There's a reason he took those pills. You hurt him every day. You cause all the bad things in his life. If you weren't here he wouldn't have to have taken those pills. He doesn't need or want you. Him and the other's were happy before you showed up and would be happy if you left. It's not like he would need to get rid of any of them. Those pills were made for a reason. You. Shouldn't. Exist. Simple as that. Why else would so many people think you're a bad thing? Why else would you be classified as a disorder? Why else would people go to such drastic lengths, just to get rid of you?

I try to block out the thoughts, but I can't. Tears well up in my eyes as I open the cabinet and grab a razer.

I start making slashes on my arms. I'm numb to the pain since I'm used to it. At the moment there are about 10 slashes on my left arm and 7 on my right. I don't notice the squeaking sound coming from my bed. I don't notice the light footsteps coming closer. I do, however, notice the door open, revealing a shocked Prince.

"Anxiety..." he says gently. He removes the razer from my hands and holds me close. "Why?"

I look down in shame, not answering the question.

"Were you..." he pauses, "Were you thinking about what happened?"

I give a slight nod but before either of us could say anything else, my bedroom door opens.

"Hey Anxiety, we just wanted to check up on---" Morality cuts himself off when he sees us.

"Morality, what's the-... Oh my god..." Logan is now standing next to Morality, both of their eyes fixed on the deep crimson running down my arms.

They seem to be frozen in place until Prince calls their attention.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me clean him up?" He asks.

This snaps them out of their trance as they jump into action. Morality grabs a first aid kit and Logic finds something to clean the blood off the floor with. Prince keeps me still and calm(ish) as Morality cleans and wraps my wounds.

Once both of my arms are bandaged, they move me over to my bed so that I'll be more comfortable and Logic can finish cleaning.

"Oh Anxiety, what happened?" Morality asks sadly. I look away timidly. I really don't want to answer. Prince seems to notice and steps in.

"Well I don't know all the details but I believe he was thinking about the... Incident... again..." He explains.

Morality looks at me sympathetically. "Oh kiddo... You realize that Thomas is really sorry right? He never meant to hurt you. He didn't realize what he was doing, or the effect that it would have, until it was too late."

He tries to comfort me but ends up doing the exact opposite. I don't know what it is exactly, but something about what he just said crosses the line.

I tense as I look up at him. "He didn't realize? How do you not realize something like that?! Like what? 'Hey look! These are called anxiety meds... They'll probably do absolutely nothing!' Yeah, sure." I snap at him.

"Now Anx, you know that's not what I--"

"No! I don't want to hear your excuses! All this has made me realize something! I. Don't. Belong. Here! Seriously! I'm a fucking disorder! I don't get to be happy! I don't get to be ANYTHING other than anxious all the damn time. And don't try to tell me I'm wrong! Those pills exist for a fucking reason!! They don't have logic pills, or creativity pills, or morality pills now do they?!?! That's because those things are needed!! I'm. Not. I'm a good for nothing disorder that everybody hates! Everybody would be better of if I never even EXISTED!!!"

The other three are shocked by my outburst. I look down, not meeting any of their eyes. I don't even realize that I'm crying until a tear falls and lands on my hands, which are grasping my blankets so hard that my knuckles have turned white.

"Get out of my room..." I say darkly, still not looking up.

"Anxiety-"

"NOW!"

They decide to respect my wishes and leave. I still don't move from my position as they make their way out.

Prince is the last one to leave but before he does so, he turns to me. "Anxiety... If you ever need somebody to talk to... I'll always listen." He says. He waits a bit but when I don't respond, he leaves.

Once he's gone, I close the door and lock it. I then curl up into a fetal position as choked sobs leave my lips and bounce around the room.

I guess I finally snapped...