What is real love ?

Confessions

Simone p.o.v
It's been 7 years since I moved from new York and life has been much better my skin has cleared up I'm growing I look really nice I'm 15 with the shape of a model ugh I know right y'all must think I get so much attention yea I do but y'all think I entertain them no good ass niggas nah I tell them kick rocks real fast ever since I been in Florida it's been good except the fact that nobody likes me at school and I have no friends every now and then I fight for my respect but that's life it is what it I don't have no problem with being by myself I go to school do my work and leave lately I been thinking about this boy his name is Derek he one of them popular boys that won't see nothing but sex in me but lord knows he sexy he can have it all with them pretty grey eyes and that body but i keep my distance and plus who would want me I got raped nobody would want anything to do with a female like me oh well maybe I'll just stay focused on my school work and graduation yea I'm only in 9th grade but time flys and the school year is ending faster and faster and.
* The story will be more of Simone's point of views now that she is older she have more to do and say *
I woke up hopped in the shower for at least 10 minutes I got out put my hair in a quick pony tail and I threw on some regular clothes and called it a day I don't go to school to impress it is what it is with me . I walked through the doors ready for my day as I walked in people started to laugh at me and point I didn't know why I just continue to walk and the laughs got louder can y'all believe Derek was laughing to 😩 I didn't know what was the problem until   
A random girl came up to me and pulled me into the bathroom informing me I had period blood on my pants and it was leaking down my leg how could I not have noticed this I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do my crush saw me looking like this now I look like a dirty hoe who can't keep track of her period  I was standing in the bathroom looking stupid I was embarrassed but I was happy some one came to help me . "Hi my name is jada you probably don't know and never seen me but I've seen you around school a lot I always wanted to talk to you but you looked so mean so never bothered to speak but this morning I saw what happen and I know no one was going to get up and help you or tell you so I ran to help you ."
"Thank you so much but i think I can handle myself and I don't want this to go on any longer but I do thank you for helping me bye jada ." I said walking into the bathroom I didn't me to turn her down I'm just not use to people being nice to me it's hard to find real now a days and my last friends ship was with Vera and I haven't seen her since I stayed in New York I rather be alone I don't want jada to feel like I'm mean and stuck but I have trust issues .After the bell rung I made my way to class jada gave me a pair of pants to put on as I entered class everyone started to look at me crazy I wondered what was the problem I didn't have blood on me I'm guessing they were still stuck on this morning I just went to the back of the class room and put my head down for the rest of the period drifting off to sleep , 1 hour later the bell rung causing me to jump out of my seat exiting the class walking to my next period i was pushed by this girl " not today simone" i said to myself but before i could think about my next move i was beating the shit outta of the girl then came in her homegirls jumping in beating my ass i couldnt fight them all so i just started swinging every where then i look up and see jada pulling them off of me along with derek once i saw him i froze and got up and stood there i looked a mess my lip was bleeding my weave was all over the floor and them security came thank god the security guard grabbed me taking me to the office putting me face to face with the principal i wasnt scared because i been here plenty of times before its nothing new . " miss.iris why are you always in my office for fighting your way to pretty to be fighting these ugly tramps and your to smart to be missing school over this , Simone this is your last chance I'm going to send you to internal suspension for   the rest of the day do not cause any problems in that classroom now make your way to room 215 . I did as I was told I walked down the hall and I found the class room I took a deep breath and opened the door and I opened the door and my eyes instantly locked with Derek's face why out of all days this is the day I run into him I walked to the desk and the teacher instructed me to sit right in front of Derek I sat down and pulled out my phone and turned on my music I started blasting Kevin gates - time for that do you think I'd ever need you love more than you need me show me your true colors girl I just want to see cuz I done had to many come around and change on me . Then I felt a light tap on my shoulder I pulled my headphones out and turned around face to face thinking to myself damn he even finer close up 😩 I was lost in his face not realizing him asking me to turn my music down and he started snapping his fingers waking me up and I did as I was told turning back around vibing until he tapped me again saying " damn ma I see you did ya thing out there I had to pull them hoes off you I guess samya finally got what she was looking for, lol Sarah daysia and justice couldn't watch their lil master get beat I'm glad somebody beat her ass that bitch was gooking for the longest but let me just cut to the chase I be seeing you eye a nigga every now and then fwm let me show you how a real nigga can change your life here is my number ." "Uhhuh uh thank you I guess and boy I don't be watching you I just happen to look up and you be there don't flatter your self like I'm really stunting you because I most definitely don't Need a nigg-." " hold on baby girl why you getting so defensive a nigga just trying to make you his and treat you like a queen acting up all you need is some dick and you'll be good ." I know this nigga ain't just " FIRST OFF STUPID MF I DONT CARE WHAT YOU TRYING TO SHOW ME IM GOOD ON MY FUCKING OWN I DONT NEED A NIGGA FOR SHIT FUCK BOY AND WATCH HOW THE FUCK YOU TALK TO ME BECAUSE SHIT CAN GET REAL IN THIS FUC-." " damn girl it ain't that serious but ight cool ma I'll leave you alone but you got my number call me when you ready to talk I'm willing to listen to what you got to say " " nah lil bra it vain't gone be nun of that you ain't gotta worry about me hitting ya line ever." I responded I felt bad because at that moment I had a chance to talk to my crush but I let my anger take over me I feel bad for saying all those things to him maybe I'll call him tonight I don't know I'll think about it I finished my day in internal suspension not saying a word to Derek for the rest of the day he was on my mind I had so much guilt on my shoulders it didn't make any sense. Later on I got home opening the door discovering a empty house ever since we move to Florida my mom has been acting different she started to take drugs and barely comes home smh enough of that I walked up stairs going into my room I plopped on the bed exhausted from my day I looked over to see the piece of paper with Derek's number written on it I hesitated whether it I should call or not I had to much pride to pick up the paper and dial his number so I just turned my phone off and drifted off to sleep
2 hours later
I woke up from my nap and I went straight into the shower I washed my hair and thought about Derek the whole time should I apologize should I let it go but I have a thing for him should I express my love for him but what does a thug like him want with me ? Just some quick pussy I bet , I turned the shower off getting out drying myself walking into my room I see my draw open with his phone number still on the paper I walked over and picked it up I took a deep breath and dialed the number
Derek and Simone's conversation 
" hello um is this Derek"
" yea who wanna know "
" this is Simone the girl you told to call you earlier today but I ended up cursing you out because I felt like you disrespected me well I'm here to apologize for my behavior because I never had a boy flirt with me and I never had anyone be nice to me , I felt like you was trying to play with my feelings and be funny and I took it to the heart I'm sorry I over reacted today ."
" baby it's cool just vibe a nigga ain't gone hurt you trust me I know how to treat a lady ."
" ohh oh ok I -"
" lets ride let me come pick you up And we can chill I wanna get to know you and I want you to get to know me ."
" I don't kno-"
" I'm on the way next time turn your location off bye you better be ready beeeep."
"I know he ain't just I swear this nigga gone get cursed out again 👊🏽."
Omg I couldn't believe Derek was coming to get me bitch I rushed in the bathroom and fixed my hair threw on a lil bit of lip gloss and put on some jeans and a t shirt but took it off what if he didn't like it I switched into a light brown body suit looking in the mirror it was to much I threw back on the jeans and shirt I closed my eyes and prayed to god this go good then I heard my phone ring I looked over and it was his number I looked in the mirror one more time and made my way down stairs I opened the door there he stood with a black puma shirt and white puma sweat pants along with puma slides  lord knows he make sexy people again I was lost in his eyes there he was snapping in my face causing me to wake up he looked so good he reached In for a hug I backed up and shook my head no we walked to the car he opened the door I got in it smelled like so much weed a bitch could barely breath he asked me was I straight I said yea he pulled off fast I buckled that seat belt up so quick he asked me " ma where you wanna slide ." I didn't know what to say so I said the park any park we was on the way there and he turned the radio up I looked at him crazy because I damn sho don't listen to no Kodak black I pressed the button and looked at him crazy , " you don't got Kevin gates ?" " nah ma ion listen to that nigga just vibe relax and enjoy the ride ."
"Sureee🙄"
15 minutes later
We pulled up to this big pretty park we got out the car and sat on the hood he looked at me and started to talk " your so pretty to me dawg I know we just met but I'm feeling you I don't want to rush you into nothing you don't wanna do but I'm willing to show you real baby girl I wanna know more about you tell me something I don't know ."
I looked at him puzzled because no boy has ever expressed themselves to me it wasn't much but it was something I wasn't sure if I should open up to him because he barely knows me why would I tell him my business here goes nothing " well I'm Simone Iris the anti social girl who stay fighting yea that's me I came here when I was 8 years old with my mom we had to get away from my abusive father and Start a new life I-" "why why you crying beautiful "
" no I'm not crying leave me alone ." I didn't even realize I was crying until I touched my face I was so embarrassed that I snapped on Derek oh no not again . " look at me Simone don't dwell on the past just trust m-" " trust who trust what you know I got raped At the age of eight ? Who would want me I don't have shit to give I'm useless I hate my life I wish I was never born ." " Simone you really think I care about sex yea I dog these hoes but your different your very different I don't want sex from you I don't want nothing I just want to make you happy you know your the first girl I ever did this for any other female would've asked to go eat out at a expensive restaurant you said let's go to the park you ain't ask for money you ain't try to have sex with me and I love that your not one of these easy females running around broward your different Simone Iris ." All I could do was sit there he pulled me into a hug causing my body to get tense I got butterflies but managed to hug him back he picked me up off of the car carrying me to the water we sat down in silence for atleast 10 minutes giving me enough time to think about what Derek told me is it all true does he mean it does he care ? " Derek I have to go home ." I said lowly "ok beautiful I'll take you but we gotta do this again I enjoy spending time with you Simone you make a nigga get all soft and mushy inside ." "Ha ha your funny kid " . We made our way to the car he open the door for me and jogged back to the other side we pulled off and in no time I was home it was about 9:30 and I was tired I had a long day I started to get out the car but he grabbed my hand I put my head down instantly but he pulled my head up and told me " Simone your beautiful don't you ever hold your head down around me ever I want you to show your face your beautiful show it off ." For some reason I felt like he was lying to me I snatched away quickly running into the house with tears falling out of my eyes my mom still wasn't home I went into the bathroom and let the tub get full I looked under the counter for a razor I grabbed one and laid in the tub with tears falling from my eyes I rarely did this but when I did it wasn't a pretty scene I pressed the razor against my skin causing my blood to fall into the water I kept cutting my arms eventually the water was a faded red I don't know what came over me I forced myself out of the tub looking at myself in the mirror with disgust I can't believe I tried to kill myself I looked at my phone with text messages from Derek and missed phone calls from him also but I couldn't talk to him at the moment i went into my room and cried until I fell asleep I woke up still sad from the night before what made me do that I don't know but I have to stay away from Derek for a little while this is to much I never did this before and I don't want to end up like my mother . " Simone baby I'm home I'm sorry I'm going to get help today I promise ." I heard that a million times since we moved here it won't never happen after my mom said that she left the house it was the weekend and I didn't have nothing to do no friends oh well I'll just stay in the house again I opened up Instagram I started strolling down and this post caught me attention I saw Derek on it it said " come out and celebrate ya boy Derek 18th birthday it's gone be a movie show face for my lil man everybody is invited leave the drama at home cheeks and checks 🤑🤑🤑🤑 show out don't come out and get embarrassed don't meet me there beat me there !!!!!" I wondered if I should call Derek and tell him happy birthday no never mind I won't call him I hope he has fun tho . For the rest of the day I later in the room and slept not bothering to eat or shower .
4 hours later
I woke up to the sound of the door sound like somebody was trying to break in I opened the door you can guess who stood there . " Derek what are you doing it's 5:00 in the morning "
" Simone I came to talk to you I called you no answer I texted you no answer I couldn't even enjoy my party because you ran through my mind the whole time there I was worried about you are you okay what is that on your arm !" " it- it's nothing I -I - just fell that's all yea I fell but happy birthday I gotta go ." I tried to close the door but Derek forced his self inside of my house " SIMONE DONT PLAY WITH ME WHY ARE YOU CUTTING YOUR SELF IS LIFE THAT BAD WHAT DO YOU NEED IM HERE ALWAYS YOUR TO BEAUTIFUL TO HARM YOURSELF SIMONE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU IM FEELING YOU !"
I started crying " no Derek get out leave me alone stay away from me ."
"Ight ma I'm gone you ain't gotta worry about me bothering you anymore I tried to give you the world you gone regret treating me like a lame nigga on ma but Ima need you to stop cutting ya self up baby girl I care for you ." What did I just do I can't believe I just let him walk away from me he was actually trying to get with me but what if he just wanted to fuck what if he didn't really see anything in me I wasn't pretty but I wasn't ugly I'm guessing I just had low self esteem......