roommates » joshler [book #2]

two » eggshells

it had been— what, the other day, right? when tyler had asked him out on a date.

"like old times," he says, "we can go to taco bell," and laughs slightly.

josh's chest feels strangely constricted, but he nods and grins. "you know i can't say no, ty."

just like old times. memories come flooding back. that isn't a bad thing, not necessarily, but josh has to be careful, concentrating only on the good memories and nothing else. he'd cried too many times recently... that has to stop.

they make their way out of the apartment, and outside. that's where it all starts to go wrong.

everyone is looking at him. they have to be. they are judging him, leaning behind their hands and whispering about him. he looks dumb, he looks stupid, everyone is laughing at him. the constricted feeling in his chest seizes even tighter, and he gasps for breath.

tyler is staring at him. "josh?"

"can't," is all he manages. "i can't go."

with that, he turns and nearly runs back inside, finding comfort in the apartment lobby. there tyler stops him, a hand on josh's shoulder. 

"what's wrong?" he asks, concerned. "josh?"

give me a moment, josh thinks, and stares at the ground. his chest slowly loosens, and the tears in his eyes recede. "i don't know."

but they're still staring. they're still watching. "josh—"

"i can't go," he mumbles, "i can't go outside, i'm sorry ty, i—" he looks up, biting his lip, a desperate expression on his face.

tyler blinks, then shakes his head. "it's okay. we can head back to the apartment and i'll run out and buy some taco bell to bring back here. is that cool?"

relieved, josh smiles and nods. "yeah. yeah, i'm good with that."

they head to the elevator and ride up in silence. as they step out on their floor, josh turns to tyler for a moment. "listen, i'm really sorry, i— i didn't mean to ruin all this shit, i was..."

"hey," tyler interrupts him, comforting. "it's alright. go back to the apartment, i'll be home soon, and we can just stay in and watch netflix if you want."

god, how did he get so lucky? josh thinks momentarily, smiling even wider as tyler leans forward to kiss him quickly. they're both still getting used to it again, to kissing and intimacy, pet names and loving words, but slowly, they're adjusting.

"i'll see you in a few," tyler promises, and josh nods, absent-minded.

"don't get lost," he reminds tyler, and the boy laughs.

"no promises."