BLACK

(30) Peace

EDITED

I always thought sleeping alone was the best feeling in the world. Being able to stretch out as far as possible, tangling my legs in the blankets and not being called a blanket-hog. Not being swamped with one's body heat, not being woken by their early schedule. Sleeping alone to me had always been bliss, a more preferred state. Even with my mates, I was only ever at their homes for a day or two. Like a sleepover. When I went home, to my own bed, I had my own space and my own routine. At home, I was left in my own solitude.

Yet here, waking up to the worst ray of sun in my eye, I felt empty.

An emptiness worse than the mourning for my mates, for all of the crying I had done last night. The unbothered left side of the bed struck me with an emotion I hadn't felt before. Running my hand over the cold sheets, the lack of warmth disappoints me. This emptiness could easily be filled, only with something I wasn't allowed to have. Something I wouldn't let myself have.

I groaned and rolled over in the bed. The dust stirred in the sun above the blankets, and slowly I watched them fall. The candle had burnt out in the lantern last night, leaving a solid inch of a waxy residue in its place. I observe the room a little while longer, breathing through my rattled lungs and wipe crust from my eyes. The room was tiny, with petite walkways around the bed and down the hall. It had a single dresser, the middle drawer cracked and titled. Old, floral patterns carved along the sides, paint long since chipped and exposing its natural oak wood. Growing bored with the view, I huff and toss from my back to stomach multiple times. Here was more comfortable, for just a few minutes until the realization that I had to pee hit me and suddenly I couldn't lie still anymore with just the thought of it floating in my head.

Slowly I got up, holding in my bladder and waited patiently for the head rush. It came as usual, but left quickly or at least what felt like quickly. I glanced down the hall, in attempt to catch sight of Black or anyone else in the trailer. For the moments I held in my breath, I couldn't hear any other movements and decided to use the bathroom with a final push from my bladder.

I needed socks as my feet were cold across the tiled floor, and pulled open the bathroom door just for the wood to creak and ruin my quiet reputation.

"Noire?"

My heart palpitated with the feeling of guilt for an unknown reason. I sighed, pushing my need to the side for just one moment, and then continue down the hall to poke my head over the wall. There he stood, human with shifter eyes. His height near brushed the roof of the ceiling, and in his arms he set down a pot over the glowing burner.

"Yeah?" My morning voice comes up. I quickly cleared my throat.

His face is emotionless, movements slow, like he was performing the actions of a robot. His voice is still the same deep and monotone dread of my ears, "Sit and have something to eat."

I repelled the idea. "Oh no, that's okay. I'm not very hung—"

"I said sit." His voice was anything but soothing.

I swallowed the fear. There was no punishment he could give me that I would hate more than feeding my murderous body. "I'm not much of a morning eater anyway—"

"Sit."

Rebellion sparked inside of me. Always being told what to do, where and when to do it. Adrenaline pumped me alive as I tested how far I could push him. "Let me clean up first, please." I run my hands over my bunching jeans. "These pants are uncomfortable from sleeping in them."

His face is hard and stoic for countable seconds before finally grumbling out in agreement. I chastely turn back down the corner and whip the bathroom door shut behind me before he can follow and stop me. I pant once locked inside the bathroom, hand double checking the knob. It would easily break for him if he wanted, but the fact it would stall him for a second proved to calm me down. I was only out of breath because I hadn't eaten, hadn't give my body any new energy for days. I sat on the toilet, relieving myself. Where my stomach used to pudge like a pillow when I sat, now it was just dry skin stretched across my hip bones. The sight shocked me, but as I further remembered how my stomach should be swollen with Lucan's baby, I tore my eyes away with stinging lids. That was the reason I didn't eat.