Chasing Arizona

Wasted

"Ari," It was a soft whisper from the dark corner of the closet, one almost too low to hear, but I caught it. Just like I did every time. My head turned toward my little sister's voice, eyes searching in the darkness for something I couldn't see, but even with the lack of light I knew what I would find.  Nearly identical little girls curled up together in a closet space barely big enough for a suitcase, one with a tear stained face and the other, the one lying asleep, with a pinkened print across her cheek. The three of us had been here before, many times. It was a miracle he'd never found us before now. It was always the same place, the same spot. 

"Why did daddy hit her, Ari? She just wanted to show him her drawing." I could hear the tears clogging her throat, the same that had been choking me since the moment he had raised his arm to strike her. Mama hadn't seen this coming, she'd been too busy trying to finish his dinner to see Texas running toward him trying to show off her family portrait she'd made at school. She would've stopped her, would've moved fast enough to keep her out of harm's way. 

"I dunno, Essee." Because I didn't know why he'd done it, couldn't even begin to even explain why. How could a father strike his children? But it was the same as me asking how a husband could strike his wife. Somehow, it was possible. Somehow it happened to us. 

Arizona 

I wasn't sure what time it was but I knew it was too early to be up since the sky outside was still dark judging by the lack of light shining through my bedroom window. The crowing of a rooster was the only sound outside and I knew it was that pesky bird that Caine called Zeus, trying to kill me. I knew that thing was out to get me, for a fact. Zeus would parade freely around the yard all day long, corralling his flock almost as if he were a mother hen and glaring in my direction as soon as I stepped anywhere close to him. I think he sensed my hatred of him. Or heard me talk about frying his wives up for dinner. I tended to stay as far away as possible from the walking family meal when outside, but sometimes, like this morning, I was tempted to make good on my numerous threats. 

Groggily I sat up letting the thick handmade quilt slide down my body, barely fighting off the urge to shiver as the cool air greeted my warm skin. Fall was steadily making way into winter and I couldn't help but dread the upcoming weather. I'd been at Caine's for nearly three months now, spending as much time as I could getting to know him. It definitely wasn't easy. I finally figured out where my temper came from, and it seemed that more times than not we butted heads and it was mostly about small things. We had taken up "family dinners" where we actually sat around a table and discussed our days, in the first few times of doing this I had let it slip that Tennessee and Texas were itching to meet him, if he were up to it and the old man had nearly started crying at the table. We were looking forward to their upcoming visit at the end of this month.

 I spent a bulk of my time pitching in around the ranch, at least where I could. Unlike Texas, the rest of us girls in the Dixon house had strayed as far as possible when it came down to helping with the farm work. When I wasn't trying to help, cooking to keep Caine from dying of food poisoning, or trying to clean the permanently caked dust out of the house I was doing one of two things. 

The first was avoiding alcohol. 

I'd been sober for a little over nine weeks, and counting. Truthfully it'd been difficult. There were moments when I couldn't think about anything but the burn of a drink, the utter oblivion that a few too many could provide me, but then I'd think about the moments of my life I'd missed out on because of alcohol, and I'd find something else to occupy my time. Caine was helping me the best he could, since he wasn't much of a drinker himself. Abstaining wasn't hard when the person you lived with was encouraging you every step of the way. 

The other thing occupying my time?

Rhett Parker. 

We'd been seeing one another for the last six weeks, at first only going out once a week as friends before transitioning into something more. He was something I had never expected or ever asked for, but I found myself wanting as each day passed. There wasn't a single day that went by where I didn't hear from him or I doubted that he would be there for me as I needed him. However, it had taken me breaking down to prove this to me. 

It had been a night where I'd been itching for a drink, needing one so bad I could barely stand it. We'd been out at a restaurant enjoying a light dinner before going to see a local band play at a fair the next town over, and the sound of a voice I'd never thought I hear again broke our intimate bubble. 

Gage Atkins, the best friend of my high school boyfriend. The same one who'd died driving drunk, also killing another person. The same Gage I hadn't seen since high school graduation. Hearing him say my name as he approached our table, a look of utter shock across his face had me breaking into a light sweat. A thirst crawled up my throat and I knew that the sugary iced tea wasn't going to quiet it down. The entire time Gage spoke I only stared dumbly at him, fighting the urge to cry and drink all in one, nearly choking as he mentioned the possibility of taking a trip to visit Xane's grave and seeing Lana, who'd called him not too long ago. Hot tears finally escaped and even as they did, I still said nothing. It was Rhett who stopped Gage from continuing the conversation, telling him to leave a way for me to contact him just in case and sent him on his way.

After that I had very little choice in telling Rhett the truth. And once I started telling him a little of it, the whole lot came spilling out. From Xane, to the drinking, to the day of my mother's murder. I'd ended up bawling in his arms in the parking lot, snotting all over his shirt. He simply held me and laughed when I apologized and kissed me on the hand, promising that he'd gladly endure a little mucus if it meant having me in his arms.

It was in that moment that I knew I was dangerously close to falling in love with Rhett, something that scared me more than anything had in my entire life.