Chasing Arizona

Fall

Caine

Forgetting how to breath seemed to be easier than one would think, Caine thought to himself as he steadied against the nearest solid object within reach. His lungs were screaming for him to take in a breath but his brain couldn't seem to compute the command. It was almost as if the link between the two had been severed suddenly and the organs were scrambling for guidance. His hand collided with the hard marble of the kitchen counter, a loud clink echoing through his head as the ring on his finger banged against the hard material.

His eyes traveled from the two blurry bodies occupying space in his home before zoning in on the thick band on his fourth finger.

He still wore the ring, even though it had been nearly thirty years since the last time he'd lain eyes on her. He'd been asked many times through his life why he even bothered, mostly by those who assumed she was a woman who'd run off on him in the middle of the night, but to those who'd never known the truth of his Lily, it was a simple answer despite the complexity of the situation. The ring on his finger was more than a silver band they'd exchanged during their brief ceremony all those years ago, it was a piece of her, a piece of the woman who had taken more than his children with her when she'd gone; she'd taken a piece of his soul the day she'd disappeared. Caine had lived the last three decades believing that every one of the people in his life he'd ever loved were gone from this Earth, but now he knew that the sentiment no longer held true. Looking up into the eyes that mirrored his own, he knew that he had pieces of his Lily walking this earth, that she'd never truly left him. His heart shuttered in his chest, an off beat staccato against his rib cage reminding him of the first moment he'd ever set eyes on Lily Dixon.

*

It wasn't her beauty that captured his attention the first time he saw her, no, but it was definitely the second. The first thing Caine noticed was the dark bruise forming across the sweep of her ivory skin, the sickly dark shade calling notice. She stood huddled into herself against the crowd of people surrounding her, clutching at the sleeves of a worn sweater -- one she was wearing despite the almost unbearable heat of the day. Throughout the day he watched her, hiding behind her dark hair and shying away from people as they tried to connect with her. Never did he stray too far wanting to keep her in his line of sight, the urge more than a nagging feeling in his mind, one in the pit of his gut. During a brief conversation with someone he recognized from the rodeo circuit, his eye caught on a very familiar figure -- one he'd hoped he would never have to see again. 

Gavin Havinbaker. 

Caine's entire body language changed in a flash as Gavin neared the woman he'd been eyeballing all night, noting how her demeanor went from cautious to downright fearful in the blink of an eye. No one else seem to take notice of the sudden change in the woman, but he did. Having grown up on a household where the only form of affection came in the way of  a fist to the face, Caine knew exactly what was going on. He'd seen his own mother cower in the same manner many times before. It all clicked into place. He' d often heard from buckle bunnies that Gavin was the type to put hands on a woman, but he'd never seen it firsthand. Now seemed to be enough proof for him. Taking the last swallow of beer from the bottle in his hand, he made a split second decision.

Arizona 

"In the end, it only took me a week to realize that your mother was the woman I'd been lookin' for most of my life and while it only took me that small amount of time, making her realize it was a completely different matter. I hung around her and Gavin, slowly gaining his trust all while fighting the urge to put him in his grave every second. There were a few times where he'd go out of town and trust me to watch Lily, make sure she was behaving according to his asinine beliefs and rules, and those were the moments I worked my hardest. At first she didn't trust me at all. She'd lock every single door and window, ignore me knockin' at the door. He'd be gone for days, leaving her without a car and very little food and she'd refuse to let me drive her to town. God, your mother was stubborn, Arizona." His eyes closed tightly as he told me this, his voice shaky as he spoke. I could tell he was reliving the moments with her, something deep in my gut clenching as I recalled the way she spoke to me like I knew he was. I waited for him to continue patiently, I felt as if my life depended on his next set of words, and maybe it did. "Six months it took me to convince her that I wasn't like him, to get her to even speak to me without the protection of a door between us. But once I did she saw it. How much I loved her, without demanding anything, asking anything from her except that love in return." 

My chest ached dully as I continued to listen to Caine tell me the story of him and my mother. I truly hurt for him. Through  the time we'd been sitting together I hung on ever word, needing to hear of him and my mother. Even now, I yearned for the kind of life me and my sisters could've had with a mother and father that loved one another as they'd seemed to. I tried to imagine a Christmas without screaming, a birthday that didn't end in tears and I came up empty. What would a normal life be like?

"Arizona, I want you to know one thing." Caine's suddenly serious tone killed the end of whatever remaining buzz I had. "Had I known you were alive, any of you, I would've moved Heaven and Earth to get to you."