OC Reviews // Mary Sue Destroyer

Jun Yamasaki (B-)

Fandom: Original – set in 1963 Yokohama, it centres around a young teen living through life while struggling with conflicts of family.

Interesting, I like this.
Name: Jun Yamasaki (山崎潤)
Age: 14

Good age, not too typical
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Birthday: July 17th, 1949
Birthplace: Yokohama, Japan
Sexuality: (secretly) Homosexual

I like this, I'm assuming this will be expanded upon in the story?

Ethnicity: 98% Japanese/5% Korean

This doesn't add up to 100%? Also, Jun is a korean name so I'm assuming that's because he's partially Korean. Make sure you explain this, otherwise it might be a bit odd for him to not have a Japanese name.
Appearance –
Skin | Pale
Hair | Short, straight, black
Eyes| Mahogany brown, large
Height | A little tall
Weight | Quite thin
Build: Average
Personality: Tenacious, highly imaginative, loyal, emotional, sympathetic, persuasive, moody, pessimistic, suspicious, manipulative, insecure

I like that you included some not so desirable traits like suspicious and manipulative but some kind of clash- like tenacious and pessimistic. Maybe try and take off a few traits off and make sure they all work together and decide when he expresses the different traits in different situations.
Likes: Art, home-based hobbies, relaxing near or in water, helping loved ones, a delicious meal with friends

I like that he has enjoys activities not traditionally associated with his gender, esp considering the time period.
Dislikes: Know-it-all, being criticized, the past coming back to haunt, cruelty of any kind

I like these, these are good dislikes- make sure they correlate with his personality as well. 

Good
Family:
Misaki Yamasaki (山崎美咲) [alive; mother]
Tsubasa Yamasaki (山崎翼) [deceased; father]
Hana Yamasaki (ハナヤマサキ) [alive; little sister]
Rin Yamasaki (山崎りん) [alive; cousin]
Nanami Yamasaki (山崎七味) [alive; grandmother]

My only critique is that most of these are very standard names, not that you have to pick outrageous ones but maybe try and get some that are not as common.
Friends:
Shun Okada
Yumi Kawakami

Background: Jun Yamasaki was the oldest of the family of five, his grandmother included. His father went on a supply ship in the Korean War, but the ship exploded and sunk – no one survived. Dead parents are pretty cliche, but I like that you have a very unique story to go along with it. Jun was taught to raise the red and white square flags outside his house from his father, when his father died Jun raises the flags every single day in hopes of his father returning this is so sad but sweet (even though it won't happen). His mother, Misaki travelled to America for her studies and his siblings/relatives moved to his grandmother's house, in which, Jun takes the responsibility to cook, clean and help around the house and when his grandmother worries that it's distracting him from school work, he promises that it's not. Sometimes, he feels neglected from his relatives and siblings, even when he's surrounded by them.

While these are interesting plot/character points I think you need to add more, make sure you have a plan to develop the character based upon these traits. A good story takes someone's background and experiences and weaves it into how the story plays out and develops. I think you also need to add more stuff, this is a good start but I'm not sure if there's enough here to write a book about.
Other: He wears glasses

If I was going to describe him in a few words is that, he's just a Precious Cinnamon Roll too good and too pure for this world.

Overall:

Originality: 7/10

Dead father is cliche, so is feelings abandoned by family members, but I think you can work with it. The names are also pretty standard. Liking house activities is interesting and I think you can expand a lot on that, as well as him being homosexual.

Interest: 8/10

Some interesting character points but it needs more in order to develop into an engaging novel.

Gary Stu: No, but be careful with some of your cliches.

Grade: B-