"Am I crazy, like ... "
"Am I losing my mind?"
I sat on the bathroom floor, listening to the drops of water pluck in the sink.
It was a cold day, a day where it randomly snowed and frost froze over the windows.
The house was silent , no light in sight. Just a dark home with pain lingering in the air.
The sound of kids were outside ,
Probably was out for a snow fight with the neighbors.
All I know , it was a cold day .. for me .
"What am I gonna do ?"
I wiped the tears from my face, while shaking the pill bottle over and over.
"I'm so tired of this shit!!"
"So tired... just tired of dealing with this , is there ever a end ?!?"
I rested my head on my knees , and listened to my heart beat.
I thought real hard about the decision I was going to make .
I was arguing with myself ..
Heart-
"But dunny , what about your family , and friends?"
"What friends?!"
"The friends that support you and love you ... don't you see ?"
Mind- "Tssss... I have no friends ! Look at me !! Look at where I'm at , look at my situation, I only have fifteen dollars in my account !!! I don't even have enough to cover for my rent , groceries , not even gas to get to this shitty ol'job that I have, that barely gives me any hours !!!
Nobody else is trying to hire me and I've done all that I can !"
Heart-"Did you pray ?"
The house shook as the wind rushed its way through the streets.
"Sigh"
My emotions was unexplainable, it was like I was tired of crying and expressing how I felt.
But once again my heart asked
"Did you pray ?"
Mind-"I do all the time !!! It's like he's not even listening to me , is there even a God ? Tsss..."
Heart- "Do you even believe anymore ?"
I shook the pill bottle , letting the pills make music to my ears .
I didn't want to hear my own thoughts ... I felt as if I was going crazy ..
*Sigh*
"I do believe , but how come nothing is happening for me ?"
I questioned myself this over and over ..
"Like why ? Everyone on these damn social networks acting all rich and shit. Like what am I missing ? I lost all my friends ... I lost all hope of loyalty from anyone that exists, like what can you do when all you want to do is just leave and never look back ?"
*Knock-Knock*
The voice in my head left.. well my thoughts .
I didn't budge or move , I just wanted to be left alone .
*Knock-Knock*
I sat the pill bottle on the floor, stood up, and stared at myself in the mirror .
"You're going to be okay , alright ? Just relax ."
I said to myself , although deep down I was truly broken.
I turned on the sink and splashed some water on my face .
"Okay, lets.."
*Knock-Knock*
"Ughhh... who the hell is knocking?"
I quickly opened the bathroom door, dried my face with my shirt and headed to my front door.
I looked through the peep hole , and no one was there.
With slight confusion on my face , I unlocked the top bolt and slowly opened the door. I stuck my head out .
"Hmm.. ain't nobody even here."
I looked down and there was a red envelope.
I bent down to pick up the envelope, searched for a name , and there was none.
I went back inside the house and closed the door behind me .
With out any wait , I hurried,opened the envelope and inside of it was a letter.
" Hi ! My name is Matthew, no worries I'm a stranger I usually do nice things for people since I don't have no one else to spoil you know , but anyways..you're the lucky winner !
Here's three hundred dollars, just in case you're in need. But ! If you don't need it , simply put this letter back inside and knock on someone else's door or just give it to someone you know that needs it .
But if you do need it , please be mindful of this and use it wisely .
Good luck !"
I turned the letter around and there were three hundred dollar bills taped along the back of the letter.
My heart begin to drop.
I wasn't sure if I should cry even more or just stare at the letter..
It was like just when I was at my breaking point something so little made a huge impact over me ...
"Who could have done this for me ? Or ... who could have done this at all for anyone ?!"
I stepped back inside, closed and locked the front door ...
the moral is stay humbled .
