PHILOPHOBIA (Book I)[Chanbaek/Baekyeol Fanfic]

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ １８ (l a s t)

Warning: self harm. May be triggering. Do not consider cutting as a solution, please! Also make sure to read the note if you want a sequel!

*
Her tears streamed from the corner of her already red eyes down her rosy cheeks, as she saw the couple hugging. It almost felt like love was radiating like waves around them.

Was she, and her one sided love a burden?

How could she be an obstacle to their perfect, probably eternal love and relationship, if all she did was watch from afar?

She was always a coward. A miserable girl, that fell in love with a flaw-full boy. She never complaint though, she loved him for all the imperfections he had.

In her eyes, Baekhyun was a shy, anxious teen who needed admiration and attention. She loved him because he was insecure, depressed, just like her.

If she was early enough, she was sure she had a chance with the petite. He had a white, fragile heart, that made him the most caring person in the world. She was sure that he wouldn't reject her, not that he could.

Maybe he would've gave her a chance, and they could try until they become the happiest couple.

She already had dreams of them together, like the time when they would confess their mental problems together, with each one of them soothing the other.

She dreamed of them crying together, when their world would fall apart.

She already dreamed of them, competing about who would be scar-free first.

But now, she was all by herself.

Just like her fantasies, her world fell apart, she was crying. But alone, with no one to offer a shoulder to lean on.

She decided to go to the rooftop, to take a break. Maybe it was for a few minutes, for a few hours or the whole school period or why not, a permanent break?

*

She sat against the rooftop door, staring at the lovely weather. If only her life was this extraordinary.

She closed her eyes, as she recalled all the memories about her loved one. Like that one time when she caught cutting when he tought nobody was looking, or when he would silently cry at the back of the class, with no one even caring a single bit.

Now, he had a boyfriend; he got the love he needs, all the attention, the care, everything.

When will she be happy? Will she be happy one day, but with someone else instead?

Wasn't she supposed to be happy, if her one and only was finally satisfied with himself and his life? He is happy now, and that's what she yearned for; his happiness.

Even if it broke her heart, ripped it to pieces, making her feel unwanted and alone.

She sighed, before searching for a blade in her backbag.

She cutted, but not only to help sooth the pain -- but also to make her skin alluring. She thought that the scars were an image of art, and that they were giving an aesthetic effect on her hand.