WILD // (Harry Styles)

T H I R T Y E I G H T

CHAPTER 38

CLAIRE

"Niall?" I blink my eyes, in disbelief. I was on the phone with him two minutes ago.

"I'm in room 729," he smiles and my eyes widen, a nervous laugh escaping. He's staying at the same hotel. He enters the room, giving me a hug. I move my hand to hug him back, and the door closes. The hug lasts too long to be friendly, and I catch my breath once he finally releases me.

"So... What happened?" He asks, walking into the room. He obviously knows that something happened between Harry and I, I wouldn't have left the apartment otherwise. He sits down on the edge of the bed, taking my hand, leading me next to him. Our hips inches apart, he stares into my eyes, waiting for an answer.

"He punched Michael," I exhale, closing my eyes for a second. Every time I think about it, I relive it. I open my eyes again, and the clear, crystal blue in Niall's eyes somehow makes me forget for a second. He inhales deeply, and his lips purse together.

"I... can't say that I'm surprised," he says, looking away. I see the faded bruising under his eye, which were left by Harry. I haven't really looked at the big picture yet, but it seems like Harry uses violence when something threatens him. Both Niall and Michael threatened him in some way, but I can't really make conclusions like that about Harry's character. I don't know him well enough.

"So... have you made up your mind about him?" Niall urges. My brows furrow and my shoulders raise, suddenly uncomfortable. I don't know what to tell him. I sort of have made up my mind, but yet I'm not ready to walk away from the life I was so happy living for 5 months.

I look over at Niall, who has a gentle expression on his face. I feel like whatever I say, he will support me. If I say I want to be with Harry, he will nod and give me a hug, and whisper into my ear that it's alright for me to want my life back. If I say I no longer want to try to work it out with Harry, and I want to be with him, he will smile before kissing me fiercely.

Trying to make it work with Harry the last week has been exhausting. Around every corner, there was something I didn't want to know. How he leaked the photo and blamed it on Michael, got a blowjob from some random girl when I left, Michael told me that he even he hadn't broken things off with his girlfriend before getting involved with me. It's just a lot. And I'm sure I hurt him in other ways too. It just doesn't seem healthy to me.

"Yes," I finally answer Niall, saying it to myself for the first time as well.

"I can't be with Harry," I say, and a surprising tear falls from my eye, rolling down my cheek.

His arm slides over my shoulder, pressing me against him and another tear falls. All of the pressure, all of the fear, all of the guilt flows out of me at once, and I bury my face in his neck to release heavy sobs into them.

I can't stand the fact that I've hurt him. I can't stand the fact that he has hurt me. I can't stand the fact that he has hurt the people around me. Maybe... We're just not meant to be.

"Shh, it's okay," Niall shifts in his position, facing me to stroke my hair. His warm hands always tend to relax me.

"I never asked for this," I say.

"I never asked to be loved so deeply by someone who I can't love back," I whisper, my eyes clenching together.

"But... you did love him before you lost your memories, what's keeping you from loving him now?" He questions, and I back away from his neck to look into his eyes.

"The circumstances are different, I suppose. When I met him in California, there was no one after me, I wasn't in danger," I search my mind, trying to answer him. I haven't thought about that. From what I've gathered from Michael, Harry was intimidating and possessive from the start, and I still fell in love with him. But those traits has been magnified when I was put in danger, I suppose. I can't make assumptions about it really, I don't remember it.