아니면

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For a whole month, Jaebum thought he was okay. He would wake up and eat breakfast and he'd laugh with Jackson on their way to the bookstore. He would crack jokes with Yugyeom and produce songs like it was second nature. He would go home and watch a movie and fall asleep eating pizza on the couch with Jackson. But he should have known that it was too perfect to last.

It was as if his world had completely imploded on itself. Mark and Youngjae decided to move in with each other, meaning that Youngjae now lived in the same building as Jaebum. It was nice to have friends so close, but seeing the man he was in love with and his love's boyfriend together was incredibly difficult for Jaebum. And that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was Jackson.

Jackson had been sent to the hospital for both over exhaustion and alcohol poisoning, but not until after Jaebum was put through hell and back. Jackson had come home drunk, so his inability to think straight and his fatigue caused moodiness led to Jaebum getting beaten to a pulp.

Jaebum had been thrown against the wall and punched several times. He had been repeatedly yelled at, being told that he did nothing but stress out Jackson and that he was leeching off everyone for money. Unrelated topics such as a delivery mix up at the store and regrets of not becoming a fencer also added to the intensity of Jackson's mood. By the time Jackson collapsed, Jaebum had been blacked out for at least half an hour.

It was actually Mark who found them the next morning after he continuously texted the two and received no response. He made sure the two got admitted in the hospital; however, Jaebum was the only one permitted to go home at the end of the day. Mark took Jaebum back home, but the sight of the uncleaned mess leftover from Jackson's episode threw Jaebum into a panic attack. Jaebum couldn't stay at his own house and he sure as hell couldn't be in the same house as Youngjae (not that Mark would have allowed it anyway), so that was how Jaebum got stuck with Yugyeom and BamBam.

Seeing how happy BamBam and Yugyeom were together only made Jaebum feel worse. Jaebum desperately wanted what they had; he wanted to be happy and he wanted to be loved. The two didn't even have to try to be cute, since they were cute even when they tried to keep their affections on the down low. The little things they did for each other were almost disgustingly adorable—like when BamBam couldn't reach the cups but Yugyeom knew he liked somewhat being able to do things for himself, so he lifted up BamBam and BamBam got the cup himself. It all left Jaebum feeling incredibly lonely.

When Youngjae suddenly crashed at their place, BamBam thought it was a good opportunity for the both of them. Youngjae just had a fight with Mark and didn't want to sleep in the house with Mark, so he decided to go to his old house, seemingly having forgotten that Jaebum was there. While BamBam tried to get the two to talk in an effort of easing Jaebum's loneliness, Jaebum and Yugyeom were afraid and hesitant. After all, they were the only two in the house that knew about Jaebum being in love.

"How have you two been since I shoved your lives together?" BamBam asked, a smile on his face in effort to make his friends less uncomfortable.

"We haven't talked recently, actually," Youngjae stated, quietly. Jaebum could feel Yugyeom's worried stare boring into the side of his head.

"Really? Why not?"

"I guess we've just been busy." Youngjae shrugged, but Jaebum nearly rolled his eyes. Jaebum had been anything but busy the past few months.

"Bam, they seem to want to be alone. Don't force them to talk," Yugyeom whispered. Jaebum heard him, sending a thankful glance his way.

"Come on. It's been awhile since we've gotten to just hang out with our friends." Jaebum came up with a million arguments against what BamBam had said, but nothing was vocalised.

"Just... be careful about what you say." An awkward moment of silence filled the room until Youngjae finally looked at Jaebum.

"Holy shit, Jaebum. I didn't know it was that bad." Youngjae made his way over to Jaebum and held his face in his hands. He hadn't really seen Jaebum since he got admitted into the hospital, so seeing the bruises and cuts on Jaebum's face were probably a surprise.

"Don't touch there," Jaebum mumbled, nudging Youngjae's hand away from a bruise on his jaw.

"Sorry... I can't believe that something like this would happen."

"It's only been three days since it happened," Yugyeom warned. Judging by Yugyeom's expression, he was telling Youngjae not to bring up the topic.

"It's okay. I could never stay mad at Jackson." Jaebum gave a sad smile, unable to look Youngjae in the eye.

"But are you okay?"

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