"Fucking hell, Jaebum," Jackson mumbled. He took a seat next to his roommate who had "fallen asleep" before he even got home. In actuality, he was only faking it to avoid having to talk to Jackson and Mark. He knew that they found out about his new cuts. He couldn't face them in the state he was in.
"I'm really sorry," Mark told Jackson. "I've been treating you two so badly. I got sensitive over Jinyoung and Youngjae and then I couldn't bother myself to check on either of you. How can you still look at me when no one even visited you in the hospital?"
"It's fine really. I think being alone really helped me, as weird as that may sound. And it's not your fault." Jackson didn't sound fully convinced by anything he just said.
"Jaebum's been doing so bad lately. You can't deny that I've just been adding to that."
"I guess you're right, but that isn't to say I've been helping either." As Jackson ran his hand over the slight scar on Jaebum's lip, Jaebum could almost feel the guilt radiating off of Jackson.
"Jackson..." Mark's tone changed, signifying that he was shifting the topic. "I know you really care about Jaebum—I mean, I care about him too—but I'm worried about you."
"But I'm fine," Jackson argued, his tone defensive.
"You were just hospitalised because you put his needs before yours. I suppose you can argue that you didn't intend on it, but that doesn't make it any less concerning. You neglected your own problems until it ate you inside out. You're not any less important than Jaebum."
"If I don't take care of Jaebum, no one will. He's like my brother and I can't live without him." Jaebum could hear the frown in Jackson's voice.
"I'm not as close to Jaebum as you, but I know that I can't live without either of you. Jackson, please... Take care of yourself." Mark's voice was broken and he began sniffling.
Jaebum couldn't listen anymore. Knowing how much he was affecting everyone else's lives brought his already low mood even lower. Years and years of therapy got him used to sharing how he felt when things got really tough, but the past few months had undone any progress. Now he was suddenly even more certain of his decision to keep to himself more.
He loved Mark and Jackson so much—he didn't want them to be bothered by him. So as he tuned out Mark's cries and Jackson's comforting words, Jaebum could only hope that things would start looking up for his best friends.
YOU ARE READING
fix me » 2jae
Fanfictionim jaebum is lonely. choi youngjae wants to have some fun. two very differnt boys' lives crash and make one big (beautiful?) mess.