Hey guys! This one took a really long time to type out. I started writing it in lunch and it was up to five pages just handwritten.... Please get everyone you can to read my story :) Here's chapter 4. Hope you enjoy!
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The thoughts in my head were obviously swirling wround. I knew they wouldn't stop even if I tried, so I just let them carry on and they wished. I wtill hated Kyle for what he had done to me years ago, but I wasn't one to hold a grudge.. or was I? Okay so maybe I was and maybe I still am, but what he did was wrong and it was the downfall to our friendship.
Some rumors got out in sixth grade when we were actually still friends. My friends, at the time, knew I liked Kyle, so they went ahead and took matters into their own hands. Their way was definitely memorable that's for sure. I remember it all like it happened yesterday. It all started on a Tuesday. Mandi and Kara had just started afternoon announcements like every other day, except today was a little different. At the end of announcements, instead of wishing everyone a good afternoon, they spilled the beans. "And don't forget, if you didn't already know, Corella Haftoll in crushing big time on Kyle Mathers!" It was bad enough that they said it and to add onto the humiliation Kyle was sitting right beside me. The whole class just starred at me as well as Kyle. All I did was stand up and run. I ran as fast as I could out of that classroom, away from everyone, down the hall, out the door, and straight toward me house.
Over the course of a few days Iavoided contact with anyone in sight, including my parents and teachers. Anytime I saw Kyle I'd just turn and just start walking the other way. Each time I hoped to God he didn't see me. I was an ambarassment to myself as well as everyone else.Showing my face to the world was a disgrace.
One day while I was getting some water from the drinking fountain, I felt someone tap my shoulder from behind. I spun around on my heels and looked straight ahead, it was Kyle. "H-h-hi." I managed to sputter. He just looked at me. I stared at the ground to break the awkwardness and started to walk away. I felt something quickly jerk me backward and into its arms. The thing was Kyle. He pulled me into him tightly and didn't let go until he spoke the words, "Will you go on a date with me?" All I did and all I could manage to do was stare blankly at him. "Well?" He grew impatient. I simply nodded my head yes for approval and we both grinned at each other.
All I can remember is being so excited fro this little "date" of ours. We went to the movie theater, but I can't remember which movie we saw because I blocked out the name. I promised myself after that day I would never watch it again, so I completely blocked the name from my memory.
We got there and payed. We picked our seats and got comfortable. The movie started and he excused himself to use the restroom. It had been about ten or fifteen minutes since he had left, so I texted him. Five minutes past and there was no answer. I got up and went to go find him. I looked everywhere and then I turned around. I saw him entering his mothers vehicle and drive away. I was alone. I was stranded. I had no way of getting home except if I walked and that's exactly what I did. I walked.
I got home and ran up to my room. I had no one to talk to because Kyle was my only friend and also, my parents were out of town until the next day. I jumped into my bed and just cried. I was so humiliated. I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up there was a text from Kyle. I was hoping he had just gotten sick and had to leave, but it wasn't anything like that. I opened his text to me and to this day I can remember every word he wrote; "Did you really think you had a chance with me? You ruined our friendship El. Don't ever speak a word to me again! I hate you! I hate you so much!"
I didn't know what to do. I'd heard of this thing called cutting. People said it took all the pain away, that it helped and that it felt good. They had said it was like a release of all emotions and afterward instant happiness flowed into your veins. I figured I should try it. Anything to take the pain away right? Even if it was for a few seconds or a few minutes. "I just lost my best friend. I have no one anymore." I kept thinking to myself. "This is all your fault Corella. Why would you do this? How could you be so stupid?" The thoughts attacked me from every which way and I let them. They were attacking me like they never had before, it was different; violent, but I didn't care.
I found a blade in my moms room. I looked at it and back down to my arms. "Should I or should I not? It'll hurt, but you'll instantly feel better. Just try it once Corella. It'll be fine." I layed the blade straight across my skin on my wrist. I moved it to the right side, pushed down, and dragged it across my skin slowly, so every ounce of pain was felt. Tears streamed down my face. This pain wasn't like any pain I'd felt before. I was sharp, but soothing at the same time. It hurt so much, but I loved it. A rush of pleasure filled me, but so did anger and hurt. The feeling was indescribable. The first line was done and I lifted the blade. I looked down to see the damage and I became more scared than I even had been. I looked down at the open wound, it was extremely deep. I felt like I was going to pass out and only from this one little tiny cut, that was very deep. Blood trickled down my hand and I rushed over to the sink. I pour cold water on it to stop the hurt and to stop it from bleeding even more. It just hurt even worse. I became even more scared than I was originally. I applied pressure to it with a washcloth and it stopped bleeding. I put a huge ass band aid on that sucker and covered it up with a hoodie. My parents never found out and let's just say I never tried that again. What the kids said at school was accurate, but they never said what happened when you saw it. Don't do it. Just do not to it.
As the school year progessed, I was bullied more and more each day. It became harder and harder for me to feel any type of happiness. My parents pulled me out and homeschooled me for two and a half years. It was better. My parents put my on a basketball team. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I belonged, it was really nice to feel that way. I was really good, the whole team was good. We won every game and I was MVP for the three years I played. At the end of my last year, I blew out my shoulder. I had to go through surgery and physical therapy to get it better. My basketball career was ended with just that one little mistake I made. After the two and a half years of homeschooling and the three years of basketball I was forced back into public school. Now all i do is go to school and come back home and do my homework. I never hangout with anyone, I only have one good friend, Courtney. She and I are only friends in school though, we dont ever hangout after school or during breaks. I'm not exactly sure why, we just don't. Most of the time when I get home my parents are still at work so I have this gigantic house to myself. It gets lonely, I wish I could share all this space with someone. "Maybe I should get out of my shell, come out of this comfort-zone thing I have going on." I thought to myself. "Nah. No one likes me anyway."
I finally got home and to my surprise no one was home, again.. Just to make sure I shouted to the empty rooms as I entered the waste of a mansion, "Hello?" *meow* "Hello my kitty cat. How's your day been? Oh, you want to go outside for a little while? Okay. there you go kitty." After I let Jingle Bells out I rushed over to the kitchen and threw my backpack on the counter top. I skipped around the island and hummed "One Less Lonely Girl" by the one and only Justin Drew Bieber <3 I stopped searching the cabinet's when I found Fruit Snack. I ripped them open and shoved them all into my mouth at the same time. I grabbed another package and skipped into the living room to grab a blanket. Then, I ran into the T.V. room and layed down on the couch. I flipped the channels until I got to Friends and kept it there. I took out my phone from my pocket and placed it down next to me.
After the episode was over I just looked at my phone. I knew Kyle's number was in my phone and I knew he told me to text him. I was hesitant. Did he really mean it when he said he wanted to be friends again just like old times or was it a joke? I had the number in the palm of my hands. I had the power to text him or not. What should i do? "Text him Corella! He might mean well, you never know until you try." I thought. "Maybe later." I spoke out loud. "Or maybe never."
