I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. School and other activities have been consuming my life, but I promise it won't be as bad as it has. Writing, for me, is not my top priority it's just something I love to do off the side when I can :) Thank you for being understanding!
~Soule
__________________________________________________________________
I must've fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was in my bed. It was 6:30 a.m. I rolled out of bed to turn my obnoxious alarm clock off. "Woah man" I said as I stumbled backward. I felt like a drunk man trying to walk. I completely fell back onto my back and could not lift myself back onto my feet. The stupid alarm was still going off, but all I could do was laugh at myself. I wished someone had gotten it on camera. I finally managed to get my pathetic ass off the ground to turn the alarm off.
I got to school and guess what? It was Saturday... The entire parking lot was empty. Absolutely no one was there. "Why am I such an idiot?" I got back in my car and drove to the nearest Starbucks. If you ever want to make me the happiest girl on Earth, then consider getting me a Grande Carmel Frapuccino with a shot of espresso and a hamburger from Five Guys. I'll love you forever.
Starbucks was practically my second home. I was there almost everyday, most of the time I just wrote. I wrote to help myself get back to that cheery person I once was. There were thoughts dancing in my head constantly. Twirling about as if they'd never stop. I'd hoped to the Gods that writing my feelings would somehow get my thought to subside. After I had gotten settled in the comfy chair next to the fire place, I began to write:
"Home is a place where you can come and feel secure. Home is a place where you can't get hurt from anything they say or do. But home is the place I start to think the most. It's a quiet place where my thoughts stir in my mind. they dance in my head.
Being home and relaxing to recover is what most people do. To relax and recover at home, for me, does not make do. My thoughts all stir and dance in my head. They twirl about and move to the beat of my heart.
My tears fall one by one, nothing to stop them and nothing to catch them. No one can know because it's my little secret. It's a sacred secret that I'd like to keep. My thoughts create a tumbleweed and it swerves all throughout my brain. All I need is my drug to be here. Isn't that a shame? My drug my love, my love is my drug. My love is you. It's an analogy that seems to have been broken not too long ago.
My thoughts gather and twitch themselves all about. They move their feet to the beat and dance their little selves in my house. It's too late for me to scream for them to stop. They've started climbing toward my head and now they simply just will not stop."
I toss my pen down to the side and examine my pathetic poem. The thoughts in my head just won't leave me alone and no matter how hard I try they do not subside. Maybe I need to talk to someone, not my parents though. My own parents are barely around the house and when they are they're sleeping. I'm pretty sure I haven't had a good conversation with my parents since I was 8 or 9 years old. Sad isn't it? Maybe that's why I'm so messed up. Mentally I mean.
I stand up and walk to the door, but a male stands at the door. "Well well well, look what the cat dragged in." The hooded teenage boy says. The light is shinning at a weird angle so I can't see the person's face all too well, but I'm pretty sure it's one of The Crew members. "Uh hi." "You won't ask me how I'm doing? Very polite princess." Now the teenage for lack-of-a-better-word asshole has been identified for me. Kyle. "How are you?" "Much better. I'm a little worried." "Why?" I manage to squeak out without using my infamous attitude. "Well for one, my semi-friend who drove me home yesterday still has not texted me. Also, because you dropped one of your poems on the ground while walking into here this morning. I picked it up and read it. I realized it was yours when I saw your signature on the bottom right-hand corner. It was really good, but a little too darkly deep for my liking." "Well, you shouldn't even have seen it. I didn't mean to drop it." He held it in front of my face and I grabbed at it, but of course I failed to catch it. He put it there once more, but this time it was a little higher than I could actually reach, so naturally, like anyone else, I jumped to get it. He laughed and pulled it toward him. I fell into his arms. Gosh he was so strong. His embrace was just as I had remembered; warm, strong, homey, soft, yet tight, perfect. I looked up at him and he was beaming down at me. I quickly pushed off of him because I became nervous.
"Can I please have it?" I pleaded. "Maybe." "What do I need to do to get it back?" "You don't need to do anything to get it back." He handed it to me. I stormed off. I knew his eyes were on me. It was just a feeling I got. "Corella, wait!" I slowly turned around. "What?" My snappy attitude came out. It was some what natural to me, I tended to keep a hard front just to make sure no one would mess with me. "Do you want to talk about it?" "About what?" "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb, you're too smart for that." He looked at me with sincere eyes. I just looked at him. No one ever asked me to talk it out with them. No one payed any attention to me, unless they were messing around with me. No one ever looked at me, acknowledged me. No one cared, not even my parents. I'd guess the reason was because no one knew. I hadn't felt cared for in such a long time. My eyes teared up a little and I knew he saw it happen, but I blinked them away because I was too strong to cry in front of people. I didn't want anyone to see my soft side. I had to keep my front. No one could know about my non-clinical depression.
He looked at me with his soft, sweet eyes. He moved his head a little forward to ask "What's your answer? Yes or no?" I just nodded. He nodded back. He walked toward me, "You need to know that I made a huge mistake that night and that I was a dick to you. I didn't know how much I actually hurt you until you left the school. I wished I never did it. You were my best friend Corella and I fucked it up. I fucked up big time. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it back, but it's in the past, it's already happened and I can't change it. I wish I could so badly, but there's no possible way I could ever do that now. I see you in school, I see the way you walk down the halls. I see that spark from your eyes have vanished. I see that the loving and caring Corella has died, she's gone now and it's all because of me." "I-" I tried to speak to stop him. Surprisingly, no tears had formed in my eyes, but they had formed in his eyes. "It's all my fault. I should have never done that to you. You made me happy, you were my best friend and I did, I wanted you to be my girlfriend. I wanted you to be mine and only mine, but my friends. My friends pressured me into dropping you as a friend and I wish that I never met them because of that." Now he's lying, I know it. "Stop Kyle! You were peer pressured into not being my friend? Wait, but you wanted me to be your girlfriend? Does that even make sense to you? Huh? Does it? You know what. I thought that you were sincere this time, I guess I was wrong. I can't be friends with someone who can just let something like that happen. It doesn't work like that. Not for me." He blankly stared at me. I scoffed and walked away. He let me go. Once again I was leaving his side.
I got to my car and hopped in. I angrily slammed my door shut and turned my car on. Just as I was about to pull out I saw him in my review mirror. Strangely, tear began to flow out of my eyes. I knew he saw what was happening because he just stood there and watched me cry. Alone, that's what I was. I backed out slowly and drove off. There was no point in being friends with someone who had hurt me so much before and to hear the truth, or was it the truth? it hurt me. I wanted to go back and talk to him still. There was a part of him that I knew very well when he asked me if I wanted to talk. I wished that we had worked out in the first place, you know being boyfriend/girlfriend. I started thinking about how much I used to want to marry him. I was being very irrational at this point, but I was hurt. I was a hurt girl. A hurt teenage girl. Being a teenager, aren't we supposed to be irrational at times? I was still thinking about him by the time it was ten at night. Maybe I should give him a call or maybe I should just text him. I considered the way he hurt me before and the so called "truth" he spoke to me earlier today. Should I give him yet another chance or leave him by himself? I made my decision. As a teenager I decided to be reckless, something I didn't do very often.
I picked up my white girl iPhone something, I'm not techy or anything and I don't care which one I have, and typed in his name.
"Hey Kyle.. It's Corella."
_____________________________________________________________
Chapter 6 will be coming soon :) I hope you enjoyed!!!
