wow... its been way too long since i've updated.. sorry guys... I guess i've just been so cuaght up in what i had been doing that I didn't make any time to write... I'll try to get better but I honestly don't know it i will... School is really stressful. I have to study again for my ACT and then for regular tests at school and I have to worry about college appilcations and college visits. It's kind of a lot.
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"See they do car. Go ahead, read them." Kyle looked deep into my eyes. I looked back into his except I quickly became nervous, so I broke the contact.
"I'm scared.."
"Do you want me to read them first?" I shook my head no. "Okay, well, do you want to read them together?" I shook my head no again. "What about later?"
"Yeah.. maybe.." I bowed my head to look at my lap. I sighed lightly, I just wanted it all to be okay. I wanted to be happy again. I didn't know how to be happy anymore. At least that's what I'd convinced myself.
I felt a finger just below my chin. "Pleas don't cry, it kills me to see you like this. What can I do?" Silence filled the room and I lifted my chin up a little. My eyes were burning and extremely red from all the crying I had been doing. "I'll do anything to see that beautiful smile of yours." I looked at him with my head tilted slightly in disbelief. "Come on! Your gorgeous face, excuse me, beyond gorgeous face is longing for your beautiful smile to be plastered on it." I cracked a little smile. Kyle made me happy. Being around him made me realize how beautiful life can really be. "Look into my eyes and tell me I'm lying." He said it so seriously. I wasn't even thinking it was a joke. I knew he had never been good at lying, so I didn't second guess it. I scooted closer to him so own knees touched.
"I never said I thought it was a lie."
"I know, but I know how your brain works. I know how you think."
"For a fact I wasn't thinking it was a lie."
"Good." He got up and stood me on my feet. My legs were a little wobbly from all the laying down and sitting, but I still managed to stay up. He led me through his house like I didn't know where I was doing, but I never forgot the lay out of his house. I'd been there too many times to actually forget. We walked down the stairs and I noticed the pictures of his family, they all looked so happy. Smiles were painted on their faces, genuine, real, smiles. There was absolutely nothing fake about them. They all had little crinkles by their eyes and they all had smile lines.
There was one taken on a beach. A sunset in the background as they were all running out of the water and to their towels. It looked like they were all laughing. Nothing about these photographs were sad. Nothing. The only sad think was me, just standing there in front of them wishing my somewhat of a family was like theirs. They were all so perfect.
Kyle was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. "Corella, you good?" He attempted to get my attention, but I was so focused that I didn't realize he had said anything. These simple happy moments that had been captured were so precious and that was something I had never had. "Hey, come on."
He finally walked up the steps and slinked his arms around my body. "What're you doing my dear?"
"Just looking." I murmured.
"I see that, but what you're doing is upsetting you, so come with me." He took my hand and led me down the steps to their T.V. room. "Sit down." He sat me on the couch. "Stay here." He looked at me intently and then exited the room.
After at least two minutes he came back in with animal crackers, Cheeze-Itz, doritoz, and rasperries. He sat down next me and said "I hope you like this stuff because it's all we have." and laughed.
"Are you kidding me? I love this shit! I could literally live off of this stuff..."
"Good because so could I" We both laughed a little. He threw the food on me and searched for the remote. Ridiculousness was on. "I hope you like this too because it's my favorite show."
"Um no, it's my favorite show..."
"Oh is it?"
"Um yeah it is.."
"Do we need to fight about this?"
"Yeah I think we do." I stood up and so did he. He took a step forward and I punched him. He took another step forward and before I could hit him again he grabbed me and spun me around.
"You wanna do it again?" I laughed and tried to break free. He tickled me, but I didn't laugh I just stood still. "Ahh crap I forgot you're not ticklish."
"No I am. I can just control myself."
"Not for much longer." Before he was done speaking I was alreadying running away from him. When we were younger I was always faster than him, but I didn't really take into account that he was much stronger than me and much taller than me now. Within seconds he caught up with me and grabbed me by the waist. He knocked me lightly to the ground as started tickling me. I just lay there. "Dammit." I should've been a little worried that he knocked me to the ground, but I was more so focused on catching my breath and lowering my heart rate, which by the was really fast.
"So about you tickling me..." I started.
"Oh shut up, you're a stubborn girl I won't be able to break you that easily."
He let me sit up eventually and I crawled over to the food. I was still pretty tired and I was hungry too. I picked up my phone and unlocked it. I debated whether or not to actually read the texts yet or not, so I just stared at the screen. "I think I'm going to read them." He looked at me with encouraging eyes. Here goes nothing. I read the first one from my mom.
"Corella I'm so sorry about what we've done to you. We love you so much. I know we've been done and haven't been with you very much, but we're going to start being with you more often. Please come home. Tell us everything you've needed to tell us. Show us what you love to do. We want to get to know you again. Please."
She made it seem so real. She made it seem like they really cared and they really wanted me home. It made me seem like they loved me and they missed me every single day they were gone, but how can I actually believe anything she or my father says? They've been gone most of my life. They don't know me. I don't know them... All I know is the fact that I miss them so much. All this time I've just needed someone there for me, but their absence has just made it worse.
"You good?" Kyle asked.
"Yeah." I breathed. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to go home so badly, but then again I didn't. I kinda of wanted to stay with Kyle. I wanted to be with him and only him. In just these past few days, he'd helped me a lot. It made me feel like we'd stayed friends throughout these years we were actually apart. I missed him. All that time spent apart. That time was gone and I couldn't get it back. In a way I felt guilty, but I knew it wasn't my fault. It was his and that made me uneasily upset.
