OKAY SO THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER :) SCHOOL IS STILL IN SESSION SO THE UPDATES WILL BE KIND OF SLOW IN THE BEGINNING. I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT.
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*Beep beep beep beep* *beep beep beep beep*
"Ugghhhh. Don't make me go to school. Oh god please cancel it for today, please." I groan. Getting up for school is probably the worst thing I've ever had to do. I mean what's the point anyway? You get up, get ready, go to this stupid hell-hole, learn next to nothing because what's being taught is just that irrelevant to all our lives, go home, study the nonsense we "learned" in school, then go to bed and do it all over again. School is based on these letters we call Grades and these numbers we call a GPA. How ridiculous is that? These letters and numbers actually don't mean anything, but we Americans have just put so much emphasis into them that they now have this thing called value... SMH. You know not everyone is good at school, such as myself. Yeah, I get A's and B's and the occasional C, but i'm not good at it. It doesn't take me very much to get those grades either. Im a perfectionist okay? It isn't good for me. I could do so much better, but I just don't. They're hard for me at times considering that I don't like them in the first place.
"Geez I think a lot." I turn on the water to the shower. My hair is naturally curly so every single morning I take a shower, unless I'm straightening it, then I take one the night before, blowdry it and striaghten it. I always let the shower run because I want it to get warm and plus I always need to go pee. When the water is almost warm enough I strip and dance around, either to music or not to music. I take a look in the mirror and I realize all my imperfections. It's something I've been really insecure about since seventh grade. I don't talk about it much because I've tried to just block it out. I've done pretty well except for the fact that the effects have stayed with me ever since. I should be over it right? I'm a junior in High School I mean come on now Corella! Get it together! but it isn't as easy as you might think it is.
My best friends turned their back on me one day in seventh grade. I fought back against them and I put up a bad ass front, but it was all fake. I was so upset by it all. I had few friends to begin with and then I had even fewer after they turned on me. I mean honestly what they said about me was foolish and very untrue, but it still hurt. Funny how things we know aren't true hurt the most.. Those were my very best friends one day and then the next they were my enemies. Spoken and written words hurt more than actions. The actions hurt for a period of time, but the words last a life time. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. "You're ugly!" "You're fat!" "Ew I hate you, you're disgusting!" "Stay away from me you freak!" "Slut. "Whore." "Hoe." Words like these hurt even when they're untrue. They've stayed with me since they moment I heard them. Hearing things like this makes me realize that there are cruel people in the world. "All they want is a reaction, don't you dare give them what they want Corella!" I've told myself this when people lash out and say ludicrous things like that.
Even though I've tried my harddest to block out what they've said everytime I look at myself in the mirror I see this imperfected young lady standing there looking like an idiot. Once every 2-3 months I'll look in the mirror and think "Wow, I look nice today.", but almost never does that happen. My imperfections are magnified to me. All I see are flaws; an unclear face, untammed hair, excessive hair everywhere that I can't seem to get off my body, my extra unwanted skin/ fat, Non-existent boobs, lack of muscle (which I used to have), etc. I'm probably the least confident person you'll ever meet. I try to cover it up and I do a pretty damn good job with it, at least I think I do..
I step into the shower and let it run onto my back. Perfect temperature. Even though the temperature is right it takes about thirt second for my skin to get used to it, I have extremely sensitive skin. I hurry up and wash my hair and body. "Shoot I have to hurry up. I can't be late again. Come on Corella hurry up, let's go!" I rush myself to get dressed, brush my teether, put socks on, run down the stairs, grab my backpack, grab my lunch and my breakfast and tea and water. Finally, I get to the car. Now, it's time to go to school. I'm dreading my day already and I haven't even started driving yet. Who knows what actually going to happen today in there, could be good or bad. *sigh* Time to go. Wish me luck.
