Hey guys I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to update.. I'll try to get better, but understand I'm still in school and it's more important than the book. I'm sorry!!
I hope you enjoy.
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Did that really just happen? Did I really just do that? Corella. Why would you actually do that? Now he has your number. How do you know you can really trust him with that? How do you know what he's going to do with it? What if he texts you 24/7? What if he like never texts you back? What if the same thing happens like last time? What if he spreads your guys' texts throughout the whole entire school? You know he has that ability now. Why would you do this? Okay take a deep breath. Stop shaking. Oh my God you're so stupid. Calm down it'll be alright. Everything is going to be just fine. Calm down. Okay, you're okay. Now what were you doing before? Being calm and rational.
If thinking were a sport I'm pretty sure I'd take first place. I give myself so much anxiety with just thinking. That's probably why I have such horrible acid reflux. Oh well, what can you do?
My phone buzzed. Oh my goodness. Who is it? Don't check it. Don't do it Corella. But what if it's him? What if it's Mom? What if it's Dad? What if something really bad happened to them? Check it.
My thoughts were so manipulative. My thoughts have hurt me so much over the years. They've damaged me more that anything. At this point I'm almost certain that if someone held a gun to my head and shot me I'd be better off. My thoughts couldn't get to me then. "What the hell Corella? Why would you think like that? Your life is so much better than you think. Block me out." My bad conscience suddenly turns to my good conscience. I picked up my phone. It was my mom. Thank the Lord.
"Have you eaten yet?"
"Yes. Thanks for asking."
"Yep"
The past few years have been like this between my mom and me, better than my dad and me. My dad and me hadn't had a single conversation other than the occasional greeting. I missed my parents. If I could tell them everything, I would, but it's so difficult since they're almost never around. Sometimes I think it would've been so much easier for them if they had never met. I would never have been born. Who care though? My parents barely even pay attention to me. I'm pretty sure they even forget they had a child. Being an only child isn't easy, but it's better that way. If I had a sibling I would be taking care of them. I'd never be able to live the life I was meant to live, not that I really even have a life now.. My thoughts consume my life, I have one friend who isn't even a true friend, she's just a friend from school, I've never had a real boyfriend, no one ever pays any attention to me, etc. My life isn't a real life. It's more of a story.
I crawl upstairs to my room and sort out my clothes for the next day. I realize what I'm doing and immediately throw them back into my dresser. I'm not organized.
Sleeping is probably the bet thing I can do as of now, but it's only 7:30. Oh well. I decide to sleep.
Crawling into my nice, warm, comfortable bed is soothing. I haven't gotten very much sleep lately, so tonight I'm going to catch up on it! As soon as I lay my head down on my pillow I begin to think to myself.
Okay Corella you need some sleep. Close your eyes and sleep. Come on now, you can do this. Sleep. Just sleep. Take a deep breath and just sleep. Oh who am I kidding I'm not going to be able to sleep! Hmmmm okay, I know what to do. List all of the things you like about Kyle and all the things you can't stand. Lay them out girl, you got this.
Okay first the pros. Ummm, well I guess uhhh I guess he can be nice. Okay now number two. His eyes are gorgeous I've never seen anything like them. He's tall, but not too tall. He can be nice, sometimes. He's funny... ish, better than me. Really amazing muscles.
