"Hey Corella!"
"Hi." I manage to say shyly. I've always been kind of shy. People scare me a little bit, don't judge. They only people I'm comfortable around are my friends, my team, and my family, but only sometimes. I've learned keeping to myself is the easiest.
I walk through the halls and up to my class. One minute to spare, thank god. Reaching my seat just as the obnoxious bell rings, I set down all of my crap. My backpack has to be at least 25 pounds, no joke.
"Take out your lab from yesterday. I want you all to be working on it this period." Says my teacher, Ms. Toffer.
The whole class whines about it, but we all end up taking it out anyway. I don't understand chemistry, it's not like it's hard or anything, it's just confusing. These stupid labs are pointless because they don't even help me understand the material. Today has not been very good so far. From the time I woke up I had a feeling in me that just screamed BAD DAY.
*RING*
The amount of chatter in the halls gives me this kind of belonging feeling. Although I may not be talking to anyone or walking with anyone there are people around me, some of which are friendly and some of which are not. My school is big, but I've seen almost every single person that goes to it. I'm not popular or anything, but I do know a lot of people and a lot of people know me. My friends are really the only people who I'm really close with other than my family. It's nice to have people to talk to, but I also like being alone.
When I walk to my classes I look down at the ground. As you know, I'm not a very confident person. I like to say hi to people, but I don't want people so see me. Maybe if I were invisible it would be easier. Maybe if I thought less I wouldn't always be so hard on myself, but afterall I am human. I'm not perfect.
Sometimes I'm too hard on myself and I become depressed for a few weeks at a time. No one really knows because I put a fake smile on my face that seems to be convicing. If I had someone to talk to, not a family member or friends, I might get better, but for now I use my writing skills as an outlet to help me get through the bad times. I have not been diagnosed with depression, but I know the symptoms and I equal almost all of them.
Once upon a time I didn't want to be here in the physical world, but someone saved me. He sang to me and comforted me. This person has helped me get much better for many years now. I don't normally talk about the things in my head, but thoughts dance in there over and over again. The thoughts have stopped. Music from this particular person has saved me from myself. Hes my savior. Yes I know I know a lot of girls also say this, but he truly has saved all of us. The most well known entertainer, as of now, Justin Bieber. Go ahead and laugh, now shake your head and deny it ever happened, but what I speak is the truth. I'm not capable of lying.
Sometimes I go back to that state of mind where I just keep thinking of horrible senarios, so I write poems. It allows me to get all my feelings out and all my thoughts out. Usually while I write I cry. I'm a sensitive person, but I try to only show myself that side. I know myself a lot more than others know me. I wish people knew me as well as I know myself. In the long run it might help, but I'm scared of letting my wall down again and get hurt again. I don't want to get hurt again, but I want someone there for me to hold me as I cry and when I start to think. I'm a complicated person.
I just need a little help.
