Band Fanfiction (One-Shots)

Kalex >> Bonus

written by me

this is a bonus chapter, as it is not a band ship at all. *this one might be a little triggering so please please please read with caution.*

"Hamana, hamana, hamana, hamana, hamama!" Kaleb uttered the words required for the ritual. He would finally get to see his Satan daddy. He had been forbidden for the last 361,829,402,028,374,628,193,048,272,739,301,384,610,103,847,462,910,384,728,10,394,749 years.

The blood of the sacrificed glimmered and soaked into the velvet carpet Satan had required. He only wanted the best for his uprising, and Kaleb had granted it. Kaleb would do anything for Satan, for Satan was his love and life.

The ground shook like an epileptic kid with Down syndrome, splitting apart into two symmetrical pieces. Satan liked symmetry. In the distance, Kaleb could hear slight mariachi music indicating that Satan had arrived. Satan had answered his plea for evil comfort.

Satan's glistening tan body rose up through the crack, and Kaleb sweat. How could he not? His daddy was here, and his daddy was as hot as a tamale out of the oven.

Laughing, Satan held his belly. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," Satan screamed, his eyes scrunching and teeth shining. Kaleb knew this was Satan's mating call, so he hurried up and put his pug mask on. That was a weird kink Satan had.

Satan laughed. "I don't believe we've met," he commented, his booming voice with a slight Mexican accent to it.

"B-because we haven't," Kaleb stammered. "But please," Kaleb got down on his knees, "I love you, Satan."

"Call me Alex," Satan said. Kaleb furiously nodded, implying that he would obey. "A-Alex, your sombrero is falling off," Kaleb warned, for Alex would get eaten by the sea bear if his sombrero tilted sideways. Kaleb cared about Alex not being mauled.

"Why thank you, Kaleb, but let's get on to the nitty gritty."

Kaleb nervously nodded, sweat dripping down into his eyes. "Yes, daddy Alex." Kaleb posed into the required pose for mating, which looked like a jellyfish crying.

Alex was incredibly turned on, but he remember that he had to do a presentation. With his particularly stiff boner, he would get made fun of by his demons standing by. His presentation was like no other. Kaleb had been focused on only Alex's large horns, shining in the sunset, and he licked his lips. He was ready for Alex. Kaleb had collected all of the Satan memorabilia since he was nine. He had waited six or seven years for this, and gosh, he didn't want to lose it. He wanted Alex.

Alex didn't want him after he saw how lustfully Kaleb looked at his horns. He was very sensitive about his short but girthy horns, so he was quite offended by Kaleb judging his horn size. Alex was sick of today's society, and he was about to tell Kaleb off when Kaleb pulled out his "Make America Great Again" hat.

Alex decided that he was not ready for what the world had to offer. He pulled out a bottle of bleach out of his horns and guzzled it down.

Kaleb was horrified. Never had he thought that Alex hid a bottle of bleach in his girthy horns. Nevertheless, Alex was dead by the time Kaleb had realized that he had drunk bleach. Kaleb cried and cried; he wasn't ready for the love of his life to decease.

Kaleb ran to Alex's cold side and brought out a taco with extra lettuce and hot sauce. He placed it on Alex's buff chest and cried even more. Alex was dead, and not even a taco would revive him.

Suddenly, the taco disappeared. Kaleb frantically looked around, offended by someone stealing the offering to Satan.

"K-Kaleb..."

Kaleb widened his eyes. He had to be delusional! He was sure Alex was dead. When Kaleb looked down to see Alex smiling, he cried again. But this time, it was out of joy.

Kaleb placed a sloppy kiss on Alex's horns and hugged him. "Don't be insecure about your horns. They're beautiful."

A slithery voice decided to interrupt the reunion. "Exxxcussse me, but that issss consssidered necrophilia."

"Excuse me?" Kaleb said, offended. Necrophilia was a touchy subject, but what he was doing wasn't necrophilia. Alex wasn't dead!

But then, Kaleb realized Alex's cold body. Alex wasn't smiling. Kaleb had imagined he was. Kaleb cried again because he was a crybaby. He touched Satan's half empty bottle of Clorox and guzzled it down. If Satan died, Kaleb would, too!

Now, as star-crossed lovers, Kaleb and Satan prance in the clouds of the Nether together, shooting ghasts and groups of zombie pigmen with their happiness.