Out of The Shadows

Why Am I Not Happy About This?

It's now roughly ten o'clock and I feel numb. Surprisingly all I got as a punishment where twenty licks of the belt and you would think the deal would be torn up into a thousand pieces but it is still perfectly intact. I should be happy I got off so lightly but I feel the complete opposite. It makes no sense but I feel guilty. I have no idea what's going through Nathan's head and it's making me uneasy. I don't like all this leniency I'm getting – it just doesn't feel right!

I am supposed to be asleep but I can't clear my mind. Nathan leaves for L.A. tomorrow morning. I don't want to leave things like this but I can't do anything about it! He's all packed; bags ready to go and everything. Nath leaves first thing in the morning. I feel empty inside. I just keep thinking about earlier and how pissed off he was one minute then he just turns around and walks off without saying anything. He didn't even give me a lecture. It makes no sense and it makes me feel like crap.

I continued to stare out into the darkness outside when I had enough sitting on the window seat drowning myself with useless thoughts and feelings. I stood up and grabbed a jumper to put over my pyjamas since the temperature started to drop and walked to Nathan's room. I was standing there for a few minutes contemplating if it was a good idea or not, decided I had to do it and knocked on the door lightly. I got no answer and came to the conclusion he was either asleep or wanted to be alone so I shoved my hands in my pockets to go back to my room. I took one step and I heard Nath's voice.

"What are you doing out of bed baby?" He asked softly. I turned around teary eyed. I couldn't stop myself and jumped up slightly, so I was able to wrap my arms around his neck. I started to cry, letting out all my emotions. Nathan seemed to hesitate as he wrapped his arms around my shaking frame and hushed me.

"Don't leave me alone, please I'm sorry just don't leave me" I sobbed into the crook of his neck.

I heard him sigh before he spoke "Baby you know I can't stay." I didn't reply and clang to him more. I didn't care how childish I was being. I didn't want him to leave. I just want to forget today ever happened and start all over. But that was never going to happen.

Over the next twenty minutes or so I stayed in Nathan's arms and refused to go back to bed. I had stopped crying but was still a little shaky. The house was silent apart from mine and Nath's breathing and my light sniffles. Jess had gone to bed a while ago so Nathan and I were the only two left awake. He was the first to break the silence. "You need to go to bed baby, you have school tomorrow and it's already quarter past eleven."

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow" I whined

"You're not taking the day off tomorrow and you won't be taking a day off on Monday either. Now you need to go to bed."

"But-"

"Stop it." He says sternly while untangling my arms from around his neck. "Now go to bed, before the consequences start."

"Can't I stay with you?"

"Alysha go to your own bed."

"Please!" I pleaded.

"I would say yes but your behaviour today has been unacceptable. You know better than to misbehave at school! I've told you countless times before to stay out of trouble, especially at school. I warned you of the consequences and you are so lucky that I'm letting you off lightly. I will say that it's because I'm leaving tomorrow, but I'm still really angry about it. If I wasn't leaving for the states you would be in the basement, chained and with a lot of new scars! Now go to bed!" He barked.

I scampered to my room. That could've gone a lot better. I don't understand why I always have to argue with him, I mean how am I that stupid? I know it will only make the situation escalate. Then again I'm always saying the same thing. "How am I that stupid?" I say it like a broken record on repeat. I guess I will never learn will I?