What am I getting myself into?

the unpredictable

I broke the bitches nose, and I was about to punch her again when someone grabbed me by the waist and tried pulling me, but as reflex I whirled around and punched the person in the gut.

it was James again.

now James and Brittany were both clutching their body's in pain.

"damn it James I told you not to sneak up on me again!" I scream as I head back to Brittany.

I couldn't reach her in time before I was engulfed in James' arms.

Then he dragged me out of the school.  The crowd of people were watching me in shock.

we got out side and I was trying so hard to stop crying, but I couldn't, so I just collapsed on the ground and started sobbing.

my father never loved me.  He was in a gang.  The gang purposely tried to kill me while killing him in the process.  I was the reason my dad joined a gang.  I'm the reason he's dead.  Am I that horrible?  what did I do to deserve not being loved? What I-

my thoughts were interrupted, when I felt James' arms wrap around me in a comforting hug.

" shhh shhhh everything will be okay.  Listen, your not unloved Lila, my parents have loved you since they found out you were born.  Your dad loved you, that's why he wanted to treat you right, why he did wanted to have a child and why he didn't let you take the hit of the other car in the car accident. Your not alone Lila "

I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face.  I shook my head.

" I'm always going to have to be alone because if I trust anyone then I will only get hurt."

"we won't hurt you Lila I promise" he said in a soft voice.

" I can't trust anyone but myself " I sighed and got up and then I ran away.

I could hear him calling my name but I was already blocks away.

I'm pathetic, hah I'm still crying

I ran and ran until I was at the airport.

I need to visit my dad.

-----------------

I'm back in New York, at the cemetery gates.

I take a deep.breath and walk in and search for my dad's head stone.

I stop and sit in front of it.  I start crying again.

" Hey dad, I heard some crazy stuff at school today." I say in a small voice.

"you loved me right?" I plead even though I know I wouldn't get an answer.

" you joined a gang because of me and you were killed because of me, but did you really make sure I didn't get hit in the car crash because I'd rather be dead and be with you than live in this life."

then I heard footsteps behind me. 

it's probably James since I texted him, telling him I went to new York for.the day.

I look behind me, but a cloth was placed over my mouth and before I could react I was falling asleep.

what the heck?