What am I getting myself into?

please live

it's been three days since the paramedics rushed James to the hospital.  I haven't been let in to see him because he is in critical condition.

I haven't left the hospital though.  I haven't slept at all.  I just need to see him.  to make sure that he will be perfectly fine. 

Ethan has been the same as me.  The rest of the Peters family flew out to New York and are waiting for news with baited breath. 

I told them everything that happened.  I felt guilt clawing at my insides.

I apologized profusely.  it was my fault that their son might not live.

They did not blame me at all though.  Jena and Ian just pulled me into a tight hug and we all cried together.

Everyone went back to the hotel to shower but I stayed here, awaiting news.

they should have never been dragged into my screwed up life.  I thought with a sigh.

I close my eyes and lean back in the chair, willing myself to stay awake.

but three days without sleep and stress is enough to make anyone black out.

------

I woke to someone tapping my shoulder.  My eyes widen in alert as I see the doctor standing in front of me.

"well is he okay?!" I demand.

The doctor sighs and brings a hand down his face.

My heart sunk.

"his heart stopped but we were able to revive him.  James is stable" he said with a reassuring smile.

I jump up from my seat and wrap the doctor in a tight hug. "thank you" I sniffle in utter happiness and relief, tears streaming down my face.

He gently hugs me back and says "your welcome, do u want to go see him now?"

I nod my head vigorously.

He chuckles and leads me to James's room.  He past my shoulder and walks away.

I take a deep breath and open the door.

Laying there, asleep was James with the heart monitor beeping steadily.

I walk over and sit in a chair beside his bed.  I gaze at him, hoping I'm not dreaming.

"you scared me idiot.  Don't ever take a bullet for me again.  It's only an expression." I chuckle at my weak joke, knowing that he can't hear me.

I grab his hand and say, " I like you too. A lot. I was just too scared to admit it to myself."

I felt his hand squeeze mine. My heart beat pick up and my eyes snapped to his.  James has a small smile on his face.

oh no he just heard me.

my face flushes bright red.

"Thanks for telling me Lila" he says and I can hear the teasing in his voice.