I felt terrible. I felt vulnerable. I felt used. I felt hurt. But mostly I was broken.
My dad hit me because he blames me for Cameron's accident, and what am I kidding I blame myself too. If I was there for her when she needed me it wouldn't be like this.
When I went to Kelsey's house I didn't get into a fight, it was my dad hitting me. Cameron still hasn't woken up, it's been a week or so.
I was alone at the beach right now. Debating whether or not to drown myself. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I didn't want to continue to fuck people's life up. That's what it seems I'm best at.
I ruined my parents life
I ruined Cameron's life
I ruined Kelsey's life
And I'm slowly ruining mine too.
The tears kept falling. I hated crying, it makes me seem like such a bitch. I open my phone. I go into my camera roll and scroll through all the pictures with Kelsey.
I wish I didn't hurt her. I wish I could just stay happy for her. I wish I wasn't such a fuck up. That's when I got a notification.
Kelsey posted a new Instagram picture
I immediately clicked it.
@kelsey
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Kelsey; crying over you Hailey; babe don't cry Ethandolan; 💔 Graysondolan; I'm sorry baby
Kelsey's P.O.V
@graysondolan commented: I'm sorry baby
My heart sank. I cried more, I fucking hate him. I fucking hate him for loving me and leaving me. I hate him for making me feel so god damn good and then fucking it up.
I hate this
My chest feels like a hundred million butterflies are dying in it. All the butterfly's he used to make me feel are slowly dying.
I'm slowly dying
Without him I'm no longer happy. He makes me happy, so happy he doesn't even know.
I wish he knew though
If he knew how happy he made me then maybe he wouldn't have to smoke to feel good. Was I not good enough?
Then again was I ever? Because he just threw it all away.
I wish he didn't let me leave. I wish he stopped me and told me how much he loved me and told me how he never wants to see me walk away. I wish he stopped me and kissed me. I wish he stopped me and told me he wouldn't throw away his life.
But he didn't, he let me leave. He let me leave all we had behind.
What's gonna happen now? Who knows. All I know is that I'm not talking to him again until he tells me he's not gonna smoke anymore.
Hailey is calling.....
The call snaps me out of my crazy thoughts and I answer.
"Hey"
"Your not crying right?"
"Nope" I lied
"Good. Ethan told me Cameron just woke up" I lightly smile
"That's good"
"Yeah he's going back to get Grayson now" his name even makes my heart break
"That's good"
"Yeah. So in celebration of that I was thinking how about me you and all the boys go to my vacation home this weekend?"
"Grayson too?"
"I mean if he wants to.." it gets quiet
"Yeah no. It's okay"
"Okay good. It's okay all of your best friends will be there"
"Okay"
"Love you"
"Love you too" after that I put my phone down. I stare up at the ceiling just remembering our best memories.
"Grayson" I laugh at all the tickles he's giving me. He's hovering over me tickling my sides. He knows I cannot take it when he tickles me. I try to grab his hands and take them off of me but he's to strong.
"What's my name?" I laugh and try to catch my breathe
"Grayson" he shakes his head and tickles me more
"Nope not my name" he winks and I finally realize what he wants me to say. I giggle more and kick my legs. It's no use though, his legs are wrapped around my waist, there's no escape.
"D-daddy" I say and when he finally stops he leans over and leaves pepper kisses all over my neck.
"S-stop" I still can't breathe from all the laughing
"Why" he pouts against my neck. I push his chest a little. He sits up and I tap his thighs so he could get off of me.
"Grrr. You meanie, I wanted to have fun"
"Nope. You just tortured me, you don't deserve it"
"But I can make you moan out my-"
"Shut up!" I slap my hand over his mouth and climb on top of him.
I dig my head into my soaked pillow and cry out more. Why do I miss him so much?
You know. I never believed people when they said how much it hurts to have your heart broken. Until it was me lying on my bedroom floor with my mascara running down my face gasping for air crying.
So don't you dare say you have never killed anyone. Because that night you killed me.
Hey loves thanks for all the reads and overwhelming support of this book. It truly means a lot.
This book has three more chapters and it's over. I will make another book though, I'm already working on a plot and name and characters and everything.
